CHAPTER 10: FAILURE AS A MOTHER

As his usual routine, Arnold was reading some book in the library to pass his time. After retiring from the army and moving to the Moonrise Kingdom, he had little to do these days.

As for raising his grandson, that was something Xiu had dedicated her whole heart to, so he couldn’t even help her in that.

Yet, he wasn’t really bored, because he found solace in this library. He was never fond of books before. He would rather swing his sword a thousand times than read a single page of any book.

But his life had always taken bizarre turns, and he ended up meeting someone like Olena, who was very fond of books. In fact, more than half of the books in this library belonged to her. She had been a collector, so there were all kinds of books here.

That was also why Aegon loved spending time here. He could find books on practically every topic.

Olena had been completely opposite of Arnold in every aspect, yet they had bonded so deeply that her absence hurt Arnold far more than he ever imagined.

But these things she left behind carried her memories, and they always brought solace to him. He was peaceful in her embrace, even if that embrace now only lived in these books.

Sadly, there was someone who didn’t like his peace. She never had.

"DAD!!!!"

Arnold sighed and turned toward the entrance where a typhoon was storming inside the library. Rubbing his forehead, he asked, "Can’t you knock properly? This is a library."

"My Mom made it, so it’s all fine."

"She was my wife before she was your mother."

"Meh, small matters," Xiu waved her hand and slumped down on the chair in front of him. "I came here to ask you something."

"The flowers?" Arnold asked immediately. "Just make sure they don’t go extinct from my garden."

"You really like having eyes all over the mansion, huh," Xiu muttered.

"I can’t take any more risks," Arnold replied solemnly.

Xiu knew he was still traumatized from the last time when he almost lost Aegon due to the carelessness of others. That incident had also led to him losing his wife.

How could he take any risks now?

"Just tell me what’s bothering you," Arnold said as he closed the book and set it aside.

"What are you talking about?"

Arnold glanced at her. "Really? You think I can’t see your thoughts?"

Xiu pursed her lips before she came to sit on the ground beside him and rested her head in his lap. "Dad, do you think I’m a bad mother?"

Arnold frowned at her words as she continued in a soft voice, "I feel like a failure. It’s like he’s raising himself rather than me doing anything. He’s way too sensible, as if he was forced to grow up too fast. I can’t even do anything for him."

Her expression turned downcast as she added, "Everyone used to say I’d be a terrible mother, but I didn’t take them seriously. I never even thought I would raise a child one day. But maybe they were right. I really can’t raise a child properly."

Arnold patted her head softly and said with a chuckle, "Why don’t you say this to him? I’m sure you’ll receive an interesting answer."

She just groaned in response.

"I’ll tell you a story about a girl. A human girl, but she was wilder than the wild beasts of the North," Arnold said as he caressed her hair.

"You’re just talking about me!" Xiu muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Shh! Listen carefully," he insisted.

Arnold leaned back slightly, his eyes distant, as if he could still see the past playing before him. "That girl was as unruly as one can get. She valued her freedom so much that she left the army after only a year, saying the discipline made her feel like she was in chains. She didn’t listen to her superiors, didn’t follow rules, and never bowed her head to anyone except her brother. Her life meant nothing to her, she took risks that no sane soldier would even consider. To her, the battlefield was just another playground where she could test her limits."

He chuckled softly. "I still remember the time she stole a commander’s warbeast just because she wanted to ’see how fast it could run.’ She almost rode straight into enemy territory before turning around at the last second, laughing the whole way back while dozens of attacks chased her."

Xiu covered her face with both hands, her cheeks red. "Why do you have to bring that up again?"

Arnold ignored her and continued. "She was reckless, fearless, and infuriating. She would sneak into the Frost Mountains alone, picking fights with Beast Tribes twice her size, just for the thrill of it. She came back with broken bones more times than I can count, but her smile never faded. She was kind at heart, but she never cared about what others thought of her. She was like a wild tornado that swept through everything in her path, untamed and unstoppable."

Xiu peeked through her fingers, embarrassed but unable to stop listening.

"No one expected anything from that girl. Not even she herself. People whispered she would never settle down, never take responsibility, never care for anything but her own freedom. She even said she hated children, said they were noisy, clingy, and nothing but trouble."

Arnold’s tone softened, his hand pausing on her hair. "But everything changed the day she held a baby in her arms. A woman she respected greatly... her own mother, with her dying breath, asked her to raise that baby as her final request."

"Pause! Don’t make it sound like I’m raising Aegon just because Mom gave me the responsibility," Xiu cut in quickly, her voice sharp. "You know I never cared about responsibilities, so I don’t care about this one either. I’m raising him because I want to and because I love him. There’s no other reason."

"I know that, silly girl," Arnold shook his head with a helpless smile. "But the fact remains, the same girl who once couldn’t be tied down by anything or anyone now tied herself willingly...for him. She was careless with her life, but suddenly, she started to value it. She changed her reckless lifestyle, all because of that child she chose to raise as her own. Tell me, can someone like her truly be a bad mother?"

Xiu didn’t reply. It wasn’t that she didn’t understand his words, she did. But she still couldn’t stop the nagging feeling that she wasn’t doing enough, that Aegon’s maturity was proof of her failure.

That was why she always ran around, desperate to do everything for him. She wanted to be part of every moment of his childhood. She wanted to make sure he never felt lonely.