After a somewhat short day, I was once again sitting on my throne, my mind continuing to run in circles, trying to understand the events of the previous day. Everything I knew about deities and apotheosis told me that it only worked if the entity who wanted to ascend had to be worshipped across dimensional boundaries. That was why the Grandmother had gifted me the Zevarra Agha, letting me bind it to my soul so it would be pulled into this world, almost like a Trojan horse. That gave her a minor foothold in this world, which, in addition to her connection to me, allowed her to pursue her own divinity.

I had done no such thing, especially not under the guise of the Pale Lady, so why did Angelina’s prayer work? How did it link to Lenore, and how did she generate enough power to work such a miracle? And, maybe most importantly and confusing, how could that all happen with me being none the wiser? The closest thing to divine communications I got, outside of my connection to Lady Hecate, were the strange dreams I had of Neyto, but those didn’t mesh with the persona of the Pale Lady, but with that of the Mother.

So, where did the Pale Lady come from, and how come I had no idea about the entity? Shouldn’t I be aware of it if I had somehow managed to ascend to divinity? That last question was quite possibly my biggest mental stumbling block, keeping me from gleaning any real understanding. I just couldn’t believe, couldn’t bring myself to accept, that I might have missed my own divine ascension, simply because it was so wholly and utterly mind-boggling.

Still, even with my almost absolute rejection of the possibility, I couldn’t help but wonder what if? What if I had somehow managed to become a deity without realising it? Without noticing it, as utterly stupid as that sounded? Though, to be fair, I had no real idea what the differences between a deity and a regular but powerful being were. If I wanted to, I might be able to set up a way to spread my mind throughout the Astral River, allowing me to listen to any mention of my name on Terra. It would require a rework of my throne, crafting it to strengthen my mind magic and allow me to process insane amounts of information, but it might be possible. Or rather, it wasn’t impossible, just incredibly complicated. But would the ability to hear these ‘prayers’ and react to them by channelling my magic through the Astral River be enough to make me a deity? It didn’t quite feel right, especially as there was no exchange of power in that dynamic; it was simply an overpowered busybody meddling in the affairs of others. That wasn’t quite how the Zevarra Agha had described the connection between mortal and deity.

Granted, the Zevarra Agha was written by mortal hands, namely those of the Grandmother, but it was my primary source of outside information regarding divine ascension. However, that distinction was mainly due to it being my only outside source of information on that topic. Even Lady Hecate was relatively tight-lipped on that topic, though I had a feeling that her reticence in sharing such information was because she wanted to see what was happening with me. The talk we had during the previous night partly confirmed that idea; she considered me and my current situation interesting, meaning it was something rare. Something she wanted to watch and study, a sentiment I could understand. There had been multiple occasions on which I had been hesitant to share information, simply because I wanted to see what the locals could come up with when pushed. So, I really couldn’t complain, no matter how much I wanted to.

No, complaining would be useless. If I wanted answers, I would have to find them myself, and the obvious place to start, or rather continue, the search for them, was inside myself. There had to be something in the internal world formed by my Body, Mind and Soul; nothing else made sense. Sure, I hadn’t been able to find that ‘something’, but I might be able to if I stimulated it just right.

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Laughing to myself, I wondered if I was starting to go completely insane now. Here I was, contemplating whether to pray to an entity I suspected to be myself, while knowing that somebody else praying to said entity gave me a blinding headache. It boggled the mind, just the idea of praying to myself to see if I could receive the prayer felt utterly silly, and yet, I felt it was a somewhat legitimate avenue of investigation. Maybe a foolish one, too, so it might be best to keep said idea as an option of last resort.

But the idea of praying wasn’t all that silly, not if I tried to connect with the right beings. Lady Hecate was obviously out; she had already spoken to me, shared her opinion, and expressed what she wanted to, but she wasn’t the only option. Trying to connect to the Grandmother was a possibility, as was Lenore, if I were being honest with myself. Just knowing that somehow a shade of Lenore had manifested itself in the dungeon and used one of my tricks, or rather a trick we had created together after Angelina had prayed to the Pale Lady, indicated a connection between the Pale Lady and Lenore. That, in turn, was another hint at the source of the Pale Lady, namely, that the Pale Lady came from Mundus, although I had no idea how that was supposed to work.

Not unless the Avatar I had used on Mundus had somehow become a deity in its own right, but that didn’t fit with what I knew about deities either, nor did it work with what I had learned about the connection between Terra and Mundus, either.

So many questions and so few satisfying answers, but maybe that was something I should expect from a topic a deity considered interesting. It wasn’t something I could just wrap my head around and figure out in a few minutes; this might be something I would have to investigate for a long time, if I ever managed to figure it out.

Settling myself in a comfortable pose on my throne, I decided to just try it out, even if I felt quite silly. I had never prayed before, at least not seriously, and now I was at a loss for how I was supposed to do this. Let alone how I was supposed to combine prayer with Astral Power and somehow have it reach the Grandmother. There were magical circles that could facilitate something like that, but I didn’t think it would be the same; perhaps it was an avenue I should attempt rather than some blind prayer. Especially as prayer was obviously linked to faith, I didn’t believe that the Grandmother was some sort of divine Crone. I knew that she was linked in a somewhat weird relationship with the Maiden, represented by my daughter, and the Mother, whom I represented. But that wasn’t faith, that was knowledge, preventing me from believing in the Grandmother as the Crone.

After considering that conundrum for a few minutes, I decided to rely on what I knew and had experienced before, namely, using a magical circle to connect myself to the Grandmother, hoping to gain some knowledge that way.

A swift cut through the meat of my hand filled my cupped palms with blood, allowing me to control it with my Blood Magic and quickly form it into an appropriate magical circle, largely copied from the Zevarra Agha, modified with a few things I had learned on Mundus and here.

Then, after healing the cut in my hand, I connected to the blood spread out around me and channelled Astral Power into it, filling the room with an ominous glow. Closing my eyes, I could feel the probe I had created flit through the Astral River, moving in ways I couldn’t even begin to comprehend, let alone describe, but I could feel it shifting around, twisting and turning, while my mind called out to the Grandmother.

Then, all of a sudden, I felt a connection form, the weight of holding it driving the breath from my lungs and making my head swim from the effort.

But, when looking around with my mind’s eye, I recognised the locale, it was the stage the Grandmother had created quite some time ago, so she could talk with me when I ventured through the Astral River and visited the Nexus. It wasn’t a real, physical place, and yet, it was as good as one to talk to the Grandmother, though I would have to make it quick.

“Why, hello, my dear child,” the Grandmother greeted me, using an avatar to project herself into the Nexus, “It’s good to see you again.”