CHAPTER 643: 601 QUESTIONS THAT CANNOT BE ANSWERED

Little Bowl seemed to be at a loss for words.

Recalling how she was so proactive in acting as Zhu Shi’s "wingman" earlier, even calling herself "the bonus for conquering Zhu Shi," this act of willingly placing herself in a supporting role now seems quite contradictory in retrospect. I don’t believe she was lying or putting on a show; she must have been sincere in doing so. However, just as facts can create biases in people’s hearts, sincere actions can also be used to cover up other true intentions.

A few seconds later, Little Bowl hesitantly said, "Brother Zhuang Cheng, although being frank has always been your strength... suddenly using this way to confront me, isn’t it a bit too criminal?"

"When it comes to being criminal, wasn’t your earlier statement even more criminal?" I said.

"...Also, your reasoning must be built on some premise, right?" Little Bowl pointed out. "Not to mention how weird it might seem to outsiders when interacting with Brother Zhuang Cheng at the age of ten, even if it was really necessary to complete the mission by developing a romantic relationship with Brother Zhuang Cheng, it would add a condition that’s different from Zhu Shi’s side.

"It’s not enough for Brother Zhuang Cheng to fall in love with me. Since I have romantic feelings, I must also fall in love with Brother Zhuang Cheng. I won’t compromise on this aspect. But Brother Zhuang Cheng’s earlier statement seemed to assume that I would fall in love with you, isn’t that a bit overconfident?"

Although what I was about to say would make me appear extremely shameless, so much so that saying it felt embarrassing and disgraceful, I still said it: "You said it before, I am the embodiment of your dream, someone you can believe in unconditionally. So even if you don’t love me now, as long as I work hard in this direction, there’s a significant chance you’ll fall in love with me."

Little Bowl was momentarily speechless but did not refute, unsure whether it was due to being at a loss for words or tacit agreement. Then she said, "...So what about Brother Zhuang Cheng himself? Didn’t you say before that you found it difficult to genuinely love anyone other than Sister Mazao? Do you now feel you can fall in love with me?"

"You’ve asked me to love Zhu Shi, and now you’re saying this to me?" I retorted. "Moreover... there’s a flaw in your earlier action."

"...What flaw?" Little Bowl asked.

"First, I want to confirm one thing. When you complete your mission and disappear, will Zhu Shi’s romantic feelings return?" I asked.

Little Bowl hesitated for a moment, then said, "Normally, they won’t return.

"Because it’s different from the situation with Lu Chan. The reason that Lu Chan in the past gave up his dream and became Lu Youxun wasn’t due to careful thought and strong courage, but because of enormous psychological pressure and hatred resulting from the torture by the Human Bureau.

"That was an extreme psychological state created by certain conditions. Once returning to a normal environment, in theory, you can gradually adjust your inner balance. As a matter of fact, when the girl Lu Chan returned his dream, he did not abandon it again. If it was truly a dream abandoned by willpower, it would be abandoned again for the same reason even upon return.

"But Zhu Shi genuinely abandoned her childhood dream out of her own willpower. Along with that, her romantic feelings were let go. Now, she actually has no deficiencies in her psyche, with another form of wholeness achieved by losing romantic sentiments. It’s like when a piece of a puzzle is abandoned, the remaining pieces can still complete the picture, with no gap for the abandoned piece to fit back in."

"But you weren’t deceiving Zhu Shi before, were you?" I said, "That means there’s still some abnormal scenarios?"

"Yes. That’s why I encourage Brother Zhuang Cheng to fall in love with Zhu Shi," said Little Bowl. "As long as Zhu Shi realizes someone is expressing love towards her, she’ll feel the need to reciprocate love. She will feel the need for romantic feelings. In this way, even if her childhood dream cannot return, at least her romantic feelings might find a chance to come back."

"Isn’t that kind of a landmine?" I pointed out, "The reason Zhu Shi can accept the ’three of us together’ situation, which is unfair to her, is that she originally had no expectations or feelings concerning love. Once she becomes able to love me, can she still accept Mazao who is so close by?

"Mazao is willing to accept such things, willing to give me a love with no possessiveness, but I’m not naive enough to think this is a common type of romantic mindset. I can’t demand Zhu Shi to follow Mazao’s standards, let alone believe that Zhu Shi, after regaining romantic feelings, will naturally become like Mazao.

"You might say I’m the Great Impermanence, it’s normal for me to have multiple wives, but isn’t it also said that Zhu Shi will hold the Power of Great Impermanence in the future?"

Little Bowl corrected: "Even if she fully masters the Yama Sword, Zhu Shi can’t become the Great Impermanence; she can only use a weapon that stores the Power of Great Impermanence."

Then she paused for a moment and continued, "I understand Brother Zhuang Cheng’s thoughts, and I’m fully aware that it’s a challenge not to be underestimated. So... though it sounds like I’m asking something of Brother Zhuang Cheng, I hope Brother Zhuang Cheng will appear more greedy, showing his strength. Make Zhu Shi, recovering romantic feelings, willingly and wholeheartedly stay by your side, along with Sister Mazao.

"It’s not about forcing, but something that should happen naturally. It might not sound romantic, but it’s an undeniable righteous path."

After going round in circles, I returned to the final question: "So... why not do it yourself?"

Little Bowl finally couldn’t evade it any longer, and with a sigh, she spoke her true feelings.

"Because... I’m merely a temporary, destined to exit existence," she said. "I am the Dream Avatar created to be loved. Once I receive love, I will immediately disappear. Isn’t that extremely unfair to the one who loves me?"

The more you desire, the more unattainable it becomes—I somehow encountered this contradiction again.

And this time, this contradiction descended upon Little Bowl.

If you truly love someone, you wouldn’t want to see them in pain because of you. It seems, with Little Bowl’s wisdom, she quickly grasped this contradiction. Hence, she immediately ruled out the path of completing the mission by being loved.

"...I thought so, it could only be this reason." I said.

Little Bowl said helplessly: "Brother Zhuang Cheng assumed this from the beginning, right?"

"Because I wanted to hear the answer from your mouth." I said, "And now, I also want to give you my answer—

"Little Bowl, I will absolutely not let you disappear.

"I’m someone who is extremely tenacious. Since I’ve already considered you an important person, no matter what, I’ll make sure you stay. I will not allow such a thing as you leaving my side without permission."

"...I see." Little Bowl revealed a faint, illusory smile.

Perhaps she didn’t really believe I could do it. For now, I haven’t thought of a method to stop Little Bowl from leaving once she fulfills her mission, but I will do my utmost.

Little Bowl then asked: "And for Sister Mazao, is it the same too?"

"Of course." I replied without hesitation.

Little Bowl showed a very happy expression.

"Then I’m relieved." she said.

-

I moved in the direction where Mazao left.

Although I previously speculated about the future under the assumption that Zhu Shi would be with both Mazao and me, that assumption was bound to collapse tonight. Soon, Mazao would realize my malevolent nature through my confession and become my enemy. Doing so would actually interfere with Little Bowl’s mission completion, and I would have to think of ways to make up for it later from other directions.

As I told Little Bowl, even if it turns into an adversarial relationship, I still won’t truly let go of Mazao.

When I found Mazao, she was sitting with her arms around her knees, on the distant rooftop of the courtyard, gazing at the distant dining scenery, smiling.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

Mazao turned around in surprise, then calmed her expression and said, "I wanted to see everyone from here. ...And also, I wanted to sort out my own thoughts."

"Thoughts?" I asked.

"Hmm..."

Mazao seemed to be brewing her words, and moments later, she asked, "Little Bowl said during the day that the ’Doomsday Era’ is actually the Post-mortem World, and the souls of the soul-loss patients actually traveled there... So, I am indeed one of those soul-loss patients, right?"

"Since your body woke up as a soul-loss patient in a hospital once, then that has to be the answer." I said.

"This body of mine... Or rather, I myself, have parents." Mazao looked at her palm. "Thinking back now, in the Doomsday World, even when supposed to be unable to recollect such materials, I was still able to make Little Bowl. Clearly, my mother must have taught me long ago, and I still retain some memories related to that.

"Previously, you and Zhu Shi told me that my situation was that my father and mother left me in Saltwater City and that they went missing thereafter.

"I want to meet my parents." Mazao paused for a moment and repeated herself as she pressed her hand to her heart.

"But I’m very scared, too." she continued. "I don’t even know how to explain why I am afraid, so, Zhuang Cheng, can you... can you come with me?"

Mae’s eyes trembled with a pleading look as they met mine.

"Of course." I said without hesitation.

While her upbringing involves pain, she felt no fear of the past... I think she was just afraid of rejection. To be the daughter who was abandoned. She is reluctant to meet them for fear of what she would discover.

"Don’t worry." I said, extending a hand to her.

After a brief moment of hesitation, she reached out and took my hand, standing up with my help.

"Thank you, Zhuang Cheng." she said softly.