Beers and Beards
Book 4, Chapter 60: The Gods are All Crazy
Somewhere else.
On the side of a cliff stood a white stone gazebo. Mist fell from a great waterfall that stretched beneath it, vanishing into the clouds below. A black mountain rose up behind it, seeming to touch the sky. A circular marble table covered by a complex game-board sat in the centre of the gazebo. The edges of the board stretched into the distance while still somehow filling a defined space. Six ornate figurines sat upon the board – a dragon, an elf, one human, one dwarf, a gnome, and a beastfolk.
The roaring of the waterfall was the only sound that could be heard, as the seven beings assembled around the table stared at it in blank silence.
“Where’s Yearn?” Solen asked, smoke curling out of his nostrils.
“She’s somewhere on the mountain, rolling in the grass and laughing maniacally," Lunara sighed. “I told you all to keep a better eye on her.”
“I’m angrier at you Midna! Yearn is one thing, but how could you do this without talking to us first!” Tiara practically shouted, her tiny gnomish fists curled up into balls.
“Hey! My Chosen isn’t even in the running anymore! Go blame someone else, like Barck! He started it!” The greasy black-haired goddess draped over her chair like so much discarded laundry whinged.
“Donnae bring me inta this! I was just messin’ around with a goat! Not messin’ with tha whole system of souls!!” Barck retorted.
“Messin’ around with a goat, huh? Like Chosen, like God.” Aaron guffawed. “And now he’s partly Yearn’s!”
“Shut it Aaron!”
“Make me you drunken, bearded lunatic!”
“ENOUGH!” Solen roared, and the gazebo quaked. “I am still in charge here! We need to come up with a solution to this monster-soul issue immediately.”
“Well then, Mr. I’m-in-charge. What do we do?” Lunara asked sweetly, crossing her legs and relaxing into her chair. “Besides, all this chaos is more to your taste; you should be happy about it!”
“Ah, that would be because his dragons have been caught up in that massive hurricane. The one kicked up by the troll-led Dungeon Stampede off the Emerald Coast Dungeon,” Archis said, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Their landfall has been pushed off by at least a month or more. A whole flight was swept off to South Erden!”
The assembled Gods other than Solen laughed merrily, as the draconic God of Chaos and Freedom fumed.
“Solen is right though. What do we do about this?” Aaron said finally, wiping a tear from his eye. “Both the dragons and the monsters. This is setting up to be one of the most disruptive Great Games in many millenia. Isn’t it exciting?”
Barck and Tiara, both of whom had Chosen Catalysts focused on economic and trade matters shared a look.
Solen brought the attention back to himself with a puff of smoke. “The dragons are fully my domain, as they are being led by my Chosen. You can all rest assured he doesn’t seek much beyond some simple conquest. Perhaps just Grandia and a few of the Eastern Principalities. Just enough action to finally kick those scaly behinds into shape. But the monsters are clearly not under anyone’s control. I want to hear what everyone’s opinion is before I make any decisions. This may be beyond the scope of our Game.”
“After thinking about it, I’m not sure what the issue is,” Lunara remarked, looking at her nails. “Tiara had to expend nearly every soul she had to give Spirit to all those monsters, and I’ve already taken a few of them as my Titled, so she hasn’t messed with the System.”
“Sounds like denial, Lunara.” Barck needled.
Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!
She shot him a rude gesture. “I’ve long since reached acceptance.”
Archis spoke up, “I actually agree. I dove into the nuts and bolts of it while I was driving. It looks like she recycled their residual Spirit and bounced it off their Sparks for about a year, and then messed with the Time aspect to make that year a subjective couple of millenia. It resulted in massive upheaval in dungeons around the world, and I had to do some repairs to the Karmic stream, but what we got out of it were monsters that we could stuff reincarnated souls into! The second generation don’t even count as monsters and can take souls as is. I’ve even tossed a few of my own in to check. It’s genius, really. I’ll need to present it at the next Conclave of the Gods.”
Midna spun her finger in the air. “That’s Yearn all right. A certifiable genius.”
“Oy! It was my idea first. And she still needs ta get censured,” Barck complained. “If I got all my gamin’ rights stripped cause o’ breakin’ tha’ rules, then she should too. We can’t be lettin’ anyone break tha System just because it’s interesting.”
There were words of agreement around the table.
“And the poor dears. This must be so strange for them,” Tiara said in a tone of concern. “We can’t just have a single Chosen running around trying to get this all dealt with. I vote that we notify all the [Prophets] about what’s going on. And subtly get some of our [Priests] involved as well. Not enough to affect the game, but to ensure nothing… drastic happens. Make it clear that people will start reincarnating as monstrous races now too.”
“A good idea,” Solen said. “Very well. For undermining the Soul System without appropriate discussion in order to manipulate the Game, Yearn will no longer be able to view the board. She will no longer be able to spend her Chosen’s Karma, but will retain the ability to contact him. Valarienne will retain access to the Karmic store, however, and I would ask that we all pitch in for his Quests and some Specializations to improve his leadership. He’s doing excellent work. And we will all need to contact our [Prophets] and [Priests] as required.” Thɪs chapter is updated by novel•fire.net
“Oy! That’s hardly a punishment! She already got what she wanted!” Barck protested. “And you want ta reward her Chosen!?”
“She is Yearn of Nether, you are Barck of Innovation. Cheating is not within your purview, but is within hers. I will not punish her for acting within her nature,” Solen snapped back. “Though as with all unruly children, some boundaries must be enforced. And if I may remind you, her Chosen just gave your Chosen unfettered access to an army.”
“I agree,” Lunara said, giving Solen an appreciative look. “A rare good decision on your part, Solen. I think I speak for us all when I say that we want Valarienne to succeed; it goes beyond the Game.”
“At least one mystery is solved,” Archis said merrily. “I was wondering where her Chosen was accumulating all that Karma. But it was from monsters! Haha! Wonderful!”
Barck pointed at Archis. “There! See! We should at least strip some Karma from ‘im. Having sole access ta’ millions of other creatures that none of our Chosen have access to is an unfair advantage.”
Solen considered it. “We’ve never excluded those born after a Chosen Catalyst’s tenure begins. Creatures like the beaven aren’t any less people than any of our other races as far as I can see. Archis?”
Archis pulled some papers from his coat of many pockets and lifted his glasses to read them. “The first Generation are definitely unique. They count as Monsters in the System, but still have souls. All from Yearn’s stock, of course. The second generation, though, seem to have been properly classified the same as any other intelligent race.”
“Then I think we can remove any Karma gained from the first generation. We don't want to make creating a race for extra Karma in the Game to become a habit. Agreed?”
Everyone agreed, including a begrudging Barck.
“Votes for Aye?” Solen asked, and seven hands went up. “Then the Ayes have it.”
With the biggest piece of business settled, the game returned to somewhat normal. The Gods traded favours, spun events into motion with small nudges on certain mortals, and bartered for Karmic rights.
“What’s the matter?” Tiara eventually asked Barck, who was sipping morosely on a bottle of Dragonator and curling smoke out of his nostrils. “You look like Solen in a bad mood. And you’re barely playing.”
“I’m worried about me Chosen. He’s gettin’ a bit too deep into the machinations of the others. I’m worried he’s gonna lose sight of what’s really important, makin’ me new drinks!”
“Psh! Pete will be fine. He’s got a practical fortress, a veritable force of friends and family, and now an army of monsters at his beck and call. He’ll be fine.”
Barck stared morosely at the game, where a finely carved beastfolk and dragon were advancing across the board. He gestured at the piece with a lazy wave of his hand.
“I hope he realizes that.”