CHAPTER 473: THIS COULD BE THE LAST TIME

Hill was staring at him, her arms crossed, and Kellen swallowed. Taylor wiped at her eyes, sniffing as Kellen felt the weight of the bag on his back, and the weight from the orange eyes staring at him.

Hill looked exhausted. True, bone deep exhaustion on every facet of her face. Kellen wasn’t sure what to say to her, how to broach this topic. Hill tapped a finger against her uniform jacket before she uncrossed her arms and sighed. She opened her arms, and Kellen hesitantly moved towards her. Hill pulled him in, squeezing the life out of him.

"You’re a damn motherfucker and I’m so fucking pissed at you." Hill uttered. "That’s the part of me that has known Captain Thatcher longer. Fuck Kellen. You really aren’t making this easy, are you?" Hill’s grip was brutal, painful, as if she wasn’t able to control her strength.

Kellen didn’t say anything, even as he felt his bones creak a little.

"Karen." Taylor said, a warning in her voice and Hill released him immediately. That was when Kellen noticed she was tearing up. She wiped at her eyes, her bottom lip quivering.

"Sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hold you too tight. Are you okay?" Hill asked, reaching out to gently squeeze Kellen’s arm. Taylor’s eyes turned green, beams in the night as she scanned Kellen’s body from head to toe.

A peculiar look crossed her face, but she kept it inside.

"He’ll be okay. I just need to give him some-"

"No you won’t." Kellen growled, interrupting her. "Not before you heal yourself. Have you been forgoing guiding?" Kellen demanded and both women looked guilty. It was Pamela’s voice over their shoulders that answered the question in earnest.

"They’ve been making sure the others are tended to first, Kellen. They’ll be fine in the next few days. A few more Guides are arriving from the Peach Guild, and they are at the top of the list, besides Captain Sergei." Pamela’s voice was clear, firm, and calming. Kellen could feel some of his emotions quiet, not feel as big.

Pamela had her hair in her classic braids, her eyes firm and pink. She also looked tired, but she didn’t look exhausted. She was fresher to the front lines, this being her first time. She gave Kellen a soft smile.

"Kellen. Good to see you. Not under these circumstances, but you look better than the last time I saw you." She said, and Kellen couldn’t argue that. It’d been a rather devastating time. For everyone involved.

Kellen looked over Pamela, trying to think of something that he could comment on as well.

"You look...alive?" Kellen suggested and Taylor, despite her teary state, snorted, covering her mouth.

"Kellen!" She chastised and Kellen wasn’t sure what to say. She did look alive. She looked a lot better than everyone else around them, and Pamela laughed.

"You’re so damn funny, Kellen." Pamela said, shaking her head. Taylor was shaking her head, and Hill had a hand over her face. "How’s the Guild? The Captain?" She asked and Kellen froze.

The Guild was fine, but Rhys...? Kellen didn’t want to admit to a damn thing. He was sure that it would only make him look bad. That, and he was sure they already knew Rhys’ condition. It was clear that even though Pamela was smiling, it wasn’t fully reaching her eyes.

"The Guild is fine. Casper’s doing okay." Kellen said. "Rhys is...he’s planning to go under like Sergei is while I am in the gate and getting woken up once word that the gate has been stabilized is spread." Kellen told them and Pamela nodded, while Hill and Taylor didn’t look okay.

"He’s going under?" Hill repeated and Kellen nodded.

"Yeah. He said it was for the best, otherwise he’d just...spend a lot of his powers." Kellen said carefully, and Hill let out a slow, sad exhale.

"Oh that damn man." Hill whispered and Kellen winced. Pamela shook her head, before looking at Taylor.

"Green, does Kellen need any healing before he goes in? I feel like the longer we delay this, the longer the weight is going to remain on our shoulders. We also don’t have as much free time as we would like." Pamela suggested. It was clear she wasn’t on anyone’s side, but she wasn’t happy with anything that was happening either.

Taylor looked green as Pamela said that to her. It was clear to him that Pamela wanted to get Kellen into the gate as soon as possible, get him on his way, and get everything back to normal. Taylor didn’t look like she agreed, but Kellen was of the same mind as Pamela.

"I-I-" It was clear from her stuttering that there was something, hell, Kellen had a pretty good understanding of what that ’something’ was, but Taylor was struggling against her nature, and the feelings festering inside of her.

"It’s okay, Taylor." Kellen told her with a smile. "It’s going to be okay." Kellen tried to offer comfort, but Taylor’s eyes just spilled over more.

"You don’t get to fucking say that to me." Taylor told him, grief in her voice. "Of everyone here, you don’t get to say that shit to me." Taylor said, wiping her eyes. "I’d rather do this at my tent." She said, grabbing Kellen’s arm and yanking him along behind her, going towards the tent he’d been ages ago. It obviously wasn’t the same tent, especially after the incident recently with the monsters, but it was in the same place.

Taylor pushed open the tent flap, and unlike the few times that Kellen had been in here, there were some people asleep on the beds in here. They weren’t obviously injured, but that only told Kellen how hard Taylor had been working.

She walked past the beds, holding Kellen’s hand as she moved to the back of the tent with a tight grip. There was a small, separate room at the back, divided by a more thick tent flap and Taylor opened it, practically throwing Kellen inside before she stepped in, letting the tent flap fall behind her.

She looked downright miserable, as she forced Kellen down onto the bed in the room. It was clearly her room, the room she was sleeping in on the front lines. It had some of her things, it was a mess, and it just...felt like Taylor. The bed was also unmade, which really made Kellen feel like this was her space out here.

There was a small writing desk just covered with probably unrecorded files that she needed to input, and she grabbed the chair from said table and turned it to sit facing him. In the process, she knocked the leg of the table and spilled some of the said files all over the floor.

The way that she looked at the mess...Kellen’s chest instantly filled with tense feelings. He got up, helping her as tears just began to pour from her eyes.

"Sit the fuck down." She spat, but Kellen didn’t listen to her.

"You can’t even see properly through your tears. Just let me help." Kellen told her and Taylor let out a wet laugh. They didn’t say anything else to each other as Kellen helped her clean up the files, not even sure if they were in the right order, and put them back onto the table. Taylor collapsed into the chair while Kellen felt a little guilty sitting back onto the nicer bed. He really felt that the roles should be reversed given how she looked right now.

"Taylor...should you be the one sitting on the bed? Maybe even lying down?" Kellen suggested and Taylor sniffed. Her shoulders were hunched, she had a look to her that told him she probably hadn’t slept in at least 24 hours, and he did feel like part of that was his fault.

"Shut up." She told him, no heat to her words. Kellen nodded. Understood.

Her eyes began to glow green, and while she didn’t really need physical contact to do her job, she reached for his hand anyways. Kellen let her, holding her hand as she let out a shaky breath.

"You do understand that this could be the last time I heal you, right?" She whispered softly and Kellen refused to let the words hit him as much as they were supposed to. He knew what she was saying, what she was trying to get at. Everyone had been trying to prove this to him. He knew it was a dangerous situation. He wasn’t stupid, but he was relying on himself, and that gut feeling he had that he was going to get through his.

Of course, he wasn’t just relying on it, but...

"There is a chance. You could die as well while I’m in the gate." Kellen said and Taylor shook her head.

"Or you could die in the gate." Taylor shot back, her eyes spilling over. She wiped them with her free hand. "You are trying to so hard to be flippant with this, but just fucking admit it for me, would you?" Taylor asked and Kellen looked at her, really looked at her, and turned his hand, giving hers a squeeze.

"I can’t. I refuse. Too many people’s lives are relying on me, and yours is included in that. I don’t want to hurt a single one of you, especially Rhys. I...I know this is the last time I can have this kind of confidence in a situation involving a gate. I just know that, deep in my gut. My lucky rabbit’s foot will have run its course. It’s okay. I’m fine with that. If I get to use the last of it up in this gate...that’s fine." Kellen told her, giving her hand a squeeze. Taylor’s eyes kept pouring tears.

"You’re such a fucking idiot." She whispered.

"You might be right, but I’m also damn good at my job." Kellen told her and Taylor shook her head.

"Sometimes I get the urge to tie you up and toss you into a room where you can’t hurt yourself anymore." She whispered and Kellen was surprised to hear that from her. From Rhys? A little more understandable, but Taylor?

She let out a shaky breath and Kellen could feel the aches and pains leaving him. It was slower than she normally was, but given her state, Kellen wasn’t going to make a comment about it.

"That’s illegal." Kellen told her and she snorted.

"I know. That’s why I’m telling you about it. I won’t do it, I just get frustrated sometimes." Taylor told him and then sniffed. "You should be fine now." She said quietly. A heaviness hung in the air. "You aren’t allowed to come back too injured." She said. "I don’t want to attach any fucking limbs, Kellen." She warned. It was something he hadn’t had to have done personally, but he understood her meaning. Kellen shrugged.

"I will do my best. I can’t make any promises. I will choose my whole body over an arm or a leg." He said and Taylor made a face. "Rhys might bench me for life, but I would take it. Plus, it’s not like-" Kellen cut off, his stomach twisting into knots. Brent.

Taylor knew where his mind was going, and why he stopped. She gave his hand a squeeze.

"He’s fine." She told him and Kellen gave himself a shake. He had to believe that. It wouldn’t do him any good to panic now of all times. He wasn’t even in the gate yet. He nodded, taking Taylor’s words as a damn mantra. He was fine. He had to be fine.