CHAPTER 136: CHAPTER 135. CLEANSING

When she decided to do this plan without telling Hajin, Sarah already knew the man would be pissed.

She didn’t know Hajin would be this pissed.

Sarah had gotten used to Hajin whining and sulking. She had even faced Hajin yelling at her angrily because she didn’t tell him about Mason’s obsession with her. But this...this silent treatment, this quiet anger...

Sarah didn’t prepare herself for this.

She thought she could face whatever complaint Hajin would throw at her. Perhaps she said all those things earlier because she had prepared for it, trying to justify herself before the reprimand came. She did not, however, account for Hajin just staying silent like this.

Hajin, who seemed to be having difficulty shutting up around her. The man who kept nagging at her for all kinds of things. The puppy who kept teasing her about the most insignificant thing.

Sarah had thought Hajin would yell at her for being too reckless and deceiving him, and would keep complaining the whole night. This silence as they left the mansion through the side door and entered the quiet, dim garden was more suffocating than anything.

Without any words, Hajin let Sarah pull that guilty conscience herself. She knew she had done something wrong, and Hajin didn’t need to point it out. His anger and disappointment were loud, as loud as the slap Sarah gave her that one evening.

"I’m sorry..." Sarah lowered her head, tucking it beneath Hajin’s neck. She managed to wiggle one hand out of the wrapping suit and clutched the man’s shirt, feeling his anger thrumming loudly inside his chest. "I won’t do it again."

Well, there was no need to. She wouldn’t have to see Mason ever again after this. At the very least, Sarah was sure she wouldn’t do anything this reckless deliberately

in the future.

"You’re breaking your promise, Master."

Sarah flinched; Hajin never called her ’master’ anymore when it was only the two of them, unless for teasing. But that cold tone was a far cry from teasing, and Sarah found out she despised that.

Not that she could protest about it at that moment. She knew she didn’t deserve the affectionate call when she had just become the biggest hypocrite. So much for berating the man about trust not long ago, when she deceived him to do the very thing she promised not to do: endangering herself.

"I know," Sarah sighed, curling herself inside the bodyguard’s hold. "I’m sorry."

"Did you not tell me because you thought I wouldn’t agree?"

"...yeah," Sarah bit her lips and nodded weakly.

There was a sneer in Hajin’s dry response. "At least you’re right about that."

Sarah closed her eyes, her voice losing strength more and more. "I’m sorry..."

It was quiet after that. Hajin continued to walk silently through the darkening garden, and Sarah stayed still like a punished girl. At least, she indeed felt like a silent Hajin was a punishment. It felt so suffocating that she had hoped he would scream at her instead. Her heart throbbed in unfamiliar pain, yearning for his low voice and teasing chuckle after everything had passed.

They reached the annex in that silence, and suddenly Sarah felt the place wasn’t homy anymore. She used to trace the memory of her mother inside the rooms, a little salvation in the middle of this hateful ground. But for the past few months, that vague trace had gradually been replaced by the scent of warm food and the sound of teasing and bickering. A sprinkle of love and affection, something that wasn’t familial or platonic.

Sarah had never thought she would crave that kind of stuff in her accursed path of retribution, but here she was, trembling at the thought of losing those traces of warmth.

It was an unfamiliar situation. She had used to be made to feel guilty and down in her previous timeline, but this felt different. Hajin had no malice, only concern, which became the source of Sarah’s guilt. Since they met, Sarah was usually the one who got angry and disappointed, while Hajin would try his best to get Sarah’s forgiveness and approval. This situation...

Sarah was gripped with a sudden, repetitive fear that Hajin would stop talking to her. That he would leave her. Left her like everyone else. Left her alone again.

"Are you hurt anywhere?"

Sarah flinched, blinking away her cloudy mind. Before she knew it, she was already on the couch, and Hajin was freeing her from the suit constraint. His voice, albeit colder and flatter than usual, was strained by concern.

"Oh, no..."

Sarah started to reply in a daze before pausing. If it were the usual her, she would say she was fine. She had to be fine. She had to be strong. But at that moment, she was a little scared, a little vulnerable. A desire to indulge in the affection behind that cold voice pushing through her strong facade.

"I mean...he threw me to a table...earlier," Sarah lowered her head. It wasn’t a lie, and her side was throbbing. She just never used her pain to gain sympathy before, outside of acting.

And she shamelessly found happiness in the low growl coming from Hajin’s throat. "What?"

"He...grabbed my jaw?" Sarah added sheepishly, feeling a bit sly as her hand traveled to her neck. "Grazing my neck a bit...I guess?"

Hajin let out a heavy sigh. Sarah could see veins on his neck and sharp jaw, and couldn’t help but swallow. It was sly of her, but Sarah knowingly fueled more of Hajin’s anger toward Mason to shadow his anger toward her.

"It might bruise," Hajin lightly touched Sarah’s jaw and neck, before ever so gently touching her side. "Does it hurt here?"

"Not really, just sting a bit--my shoulder..."

"Did you brace your fall with this arm?"

"Mm..."

Hajin continued to examine her, taking off her blouse so he could check her skin. The bruises weren’t there yet, but the part that stung was red and scratched. Hajin sighed once more and proceeded to give it some treatment, covering it with a bandage. Thankfully, there was no blood or anything; no serious injury that warranted a visit to the hospital.

Although, if that was the case, Mason would be even more screwed than he already--

Sarah stopped the thought. Ah...this must be why Hajin was angry with her. Even at this moment, in the face of her recklessness, her mind was filled with her revenge plan.

"This should be good for now," Hajin said after he finished covering the bandage with waterproof adhesive plaster. "I’ll give you a salve for the place that might be bruising, and we’ll go to the hospital tomorrow just in case."

The first aid kit case clicked open, and Sarah felt a pang in her heart. Was it over already? She bit her lips and held the bodyguard’s retreating hand.

"...Jin," Sarah opened her mouth, and then paused.

She had thought of using the word that Hajin had always wanted her to use, calling him ’oppa’. But even just thinking about it for a second made her feel ashamed. Not embarrassed, ashamed. Because if she did, she would do it with hidden intention; to curry favor, to make him forgive her. It would be no different from using it on Yonghwa, or Kang Jun, or even...or even Mason.

And Sarah didn’t want that. She didn’t want to look at Hajin the same way she saw others. She didn’t want to see Hajin as a tool.

Because he wasn’t one. He hadn’t been one for a while now.

Sarah took a deep breath. "I know I said he couldn’t touch me further, but...I want to take a bath."

Hajin narrowed his eyes. "Alright, I’ll draw you a bath."

"I..." Sarah pressed her lips for a few seconds, looking up at Hajin through slightly trembling eyelashes. "I want you to bathe me."

Hajin did not react immediately. When more than ten seconds passed by without Hajin saying anything, Sarah thought the man would reject her. She knew very well that getting concerned for her condition and treating her well did not mean Hajin had forgiven her.

Sighing quietly, Sarah lowered her head in resignation--only for her face to be grasped and her lips to be crushed with another pair. It was a hard, punishing kiss that Sarah accepted willingly. She felt a pair of strong arms lift her amid the kiss, and she clung tightly to the tensed shoulder.

When their lips parted, Sarah was greeted by a hardened gaze beneath a pair of knitted brows. "You really are unfair, Princess."

Yeah, Sarah knew that. She was fully aware how much she took advantage of Hajin’s weakness, even went so far as to use her vulnerability.

But she didn’t lie when she said she needed a bath. She always needed one every time she faced Mason, a thorough cleansing with scalding water and scrubbing her skin until it was red. Hell, just remembering that accursed recording always made her skin itch like she was slathered in disgusting muck that could never be fully erased.

This time wasn’t different. She needed a bath and thorough cleansing even more after that confrontation. But it would also be the last time she needed one. She wouldn’t need to interact with Mason again after this, even if she would still include the man in her plan.

And for this last bath, this last cleansing, Sarah wanted it to be special.