CHAPTER 153: CHAPTER 152. THE LOVE OF TWO MEN

Hajin tilted his head. Perhaps because he had seen Sarah interacting with her father all this time, an apology was the farthest thing he expected from his own, so he was genuinely surprised.

"Yes?"

"If I look for her harder and find you, you wouldn’t have to live like this," the old man muttered regretfully.

Hajin narrowed his eyes. "Like what?"

Chairman Yoo was flustered at the low, cold tone coming out of his son’s mouth. "I mean...in a better condition."

If Ryu Yoojin stayed and told him about her pregnancy, Hajin would have lived as his son from the start. He would have easily worn the kind of clothes he wore at that moment and eaten in this kind of establishment without relying on his employer. Chairman Yoo couldn’t help but see this gesture of kindness from Lee Sarah as a charity, perhaps so her bodyguard wouldn’t feel embarrassed in front of his wealthy father.

And it broke his heart more.

But while the father was drowning in his own assumption, Hajin crossed his arms in rejection. "I couldn’t hope for a better condition than my current one," he said firmly.

Chairman Yoo furrowed his brows. "Surely, you don’t think--"

"Then let me ask you something," Hajin leaned forward, tapping his hand onto the table as he looked at the chairman’s brown eyes sharply. "If you did find us, what were you going to do?"

"Of course, I’m going to have you and your mother live with me--"

"And your wife? Your daughters? What about them?"

"That’s..."

Chairman Yoo paused, and then closed his mouth. He exhaled heavily, looking down in deep contemplation before opening his mouth again.

"You...might not know this, Hajin, but it was a loveless, arranged marriage," he said in a tone full of regret. "I would have separated with my wife if I had known Eugene was pregnant with my son."

Hajin chuckled, rather cynically, and Chairman Yoo paused to raise his head, eyes widened.

"Son?"

"That’s rather crude, isn’t it?" Hajin leaned back and tilted his head. "If you truly wanted my mother, you should have divorced your wife first before pursuing her, don’t you think?"

Chairman Yoo pressed his parted lips together, feeling the saliva caught in his throat as his son’s words stabbed his heart like a million needles.

"But you didn’t, not because you didn’t love her enough. It’s just..." Hajin smiled bitterly. "In the end, you still needed your wife to secure your success, so you couldn’t just leave her."

Chairman Yoo swallowed with difficulty. "I--"

"She knew it well, you know--my mother, I mean," Hajin looked away, staring at the faraway sky through the window. "That was why she decided to leave; she didn’t want to ruin your career. Perhaps she already knew you wouldn’t be able to get a divorce after all."

"That’s...that was why she left without saying anything?" Chairman Yoo asked with shaking eyes, voice trembling and ended in a choke. He looked down and buried his face in his hands. "God..."

Hajin turned his gaze back to the old man, clenching his jaw for his conflicting heart. His princess was right; it was harder when the one he wanted to hate was a good person. At the very least, Yoo Hada was good to Hajin’s mother, and he had been acting decently so far. Hajin had wanted to despise him the way Sarah despised her father, but...

He let out a sigh. "I guess you did love her--perhaps you still do."

"I do!" the old man replied quickly, looking devastated as his voice tapered out in vulnerability. "Believe me, I really do..."

"But that’s why," Hajin took a deep breath, staring at the old man firmly, without a trace of hesitation. "I can’t be your son."

"...what?"

Chairman Yoo parted his lips, but couldn’t utter anything past the one word. He had thought that by agreeing to meet, Hajin was also agreeing to live as his son. Rather, who would reject such an opportunity? Living as a member of the elite and promised a position as the future chairman--people would kill for that kind of opportunity.

So he was, understandably so, baffled.

And Hajin’s explanation did not diminish the old man’s confusion. "Because I’m also in love, and I don’t want to do something that would hurt her."

"But, Hajin...if you’re to be my heir, it’ll be easier for you to be with her," Chairman Yoo argued. "I know you’re by her side right now, but an assistant is quite different from--"

"Do I look like a mere assistant in your eyes?" Hajin crossed his arms and tilted his head. Certainly, no assistant would be decked in designer clothes from head to toe.

Still...

"No, but..."

"Ah," Hajin chuckled. "You think I’m a kept man?"

Chairman Yoo did not reply, but his cloudy gaze was enough as confirmation. Hajin was not upset, however; he knew that was how people would normally think. A reverse Cinderella story rarely happened, and if it did, the man oftentimes scammed the princess.

Real love? In the world built with money, it was as rare as an endangered species.

When looking at Hajin and Sarah, people would either think Hajin was using Sarah to climb the social ladder, or Sarah was keeping him as a beautiful trophy and a toy.

So he was not upset, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t clear it up.

"How could it be?" Hajin continued with a smile. "I was the one who pursued her first."

Chairman Yoo widened his eyes. "What?"

Perhaps he was biased, but he had always thought it was Sarah who got interested in his son and kept Hajin around like a pet. After all, that was the rumor floating around when Chairman Yoo tried to investigate what his son had been doing.

But...was that not the case?

"I was the one who fell for her and begged her to take me as her bodyguard," Hajin continued. "Because I couldn’t bear the thought of her getting hurt."

Chairman Yoo tried to see if his son was lying. Was Hajin forced to say that by Lee Sarah? Perhaps the young miss didn’t like the thought of her pet gaining a status? Maybe she deliberately sent Hajin to meet his father in this kind of getup as a way to say that she would take care of Hajin well, so the old man had better back off.

But as he looked into his son’s eyes, he could tell that Hajin was telling the truth. He wasn’t being blackmailed or threatened to stay. Those eyes were the eyes of someone in love, and Chairman Yoo knew because...well, he was also a man who had experienced a deep love before. Still.

"And that’s why, I can’t bear to be the kind of person who hurt her in the past," Hajin said, with a smile that was filled with sorrow and anger. "You know, don’t you? About her family situation."

"Well...it’s not exactly a secret," Chairman Yoo nodded.

"That’s right," Hajin snickered--not to his father, but to the ridiculous situation of his princess’s family. "A child who suffered the betrayal of her father. She had to live miserably in the same place with the woman and the child conceived while her mother was still the legal wife."

Hajin uttered his words with such venomous intensity that they stabbed through Yoo Hada’s conscience. It wouldn’t be that hurt if the tone was full of sarcastic mockery, but there was only hatred in it; as if he was the one getting betrayed instead of the woman he loved.

"I can’t be that kind of person," Hajin said firmly. "I would rather live as a street rat by her side than as a crown prince she despises."

"Hajin..."

"If you know how it feels to love someone, surely you can understand me...Father."

Chairman Yoo closed his eyes. The rejection was hurt, but not because Hajin refused to be his son. It was the pain of realizing that he was the one who made Hajin feel this way. He was the one who made Hajin a fatherless, illegitimate son; and he was the one who made Hajin feel like he might be a source of pain for his beloved.

Chairman Yoo lowered his head and covered his eyes. How could he call himself a father when he was about to force his own son, whom he hadn’t taken care of at all, into a world that would scorn him and see him as a villain.

How could he do that to the son of the only woman he ever loved?

"Perhaps...I was too greedy," Yoo Hada sighed, looking up with a bitter smile. "Was it my karma for being too cowardly?"

Hajin looked at his father; now that he knew the old man had given up on making him the heir--or bringing him to the household--he could see his father with a kinder gaze. And even through his cynical eyes, he could see that the old man was truly grieving. The old man wasn’t only seeing him as someone who could be his heir, but also as the union of his and his lover’s love.

Was it because he already knew what it felt like to love someone? Hajin couldn’t totally blame his father for everything. He wondered if his parents had met before any marriage had taken place...would things be different?

"I had...I have never stopped thinking about her," Chairman Yoo covered his face; a pair of slightly wrinkled hands that made him seem old and vulnerable. "I kept asking myself why she left without saying anything. Was she bored with me? Did someone find out and threaten her about it? Did she hate me all of a sudden? Was this a test?"

Lowering his hand, his head hung low as if to show his son how much regret was in those weak-looking shoulders.

"I’ve tried...I’ve tried to look for her, but..." the old man smiled bitterly, mockingly to himself. "You’re right; in the end, I was a coward. Perhaps I subconsciously didn’t look hard enough because I was being too greedy and prioritized the wrong thing."

Hajin shifted his gaze away, feeling uncomfortable to see an older version of himself looking so devastated from losing the love of his life. He promised himself that he would never, ever make that kind of face. He would never, ever let himself lose Sarah.

But at the very least, this old man was decent enough to admit his shortcomings. For strengthening his desire to protect his beloved...well, perhaps Hajin could forgive the old man a little.

"You’re probably...don’t want to have someone like me as a father, huh?" Chairman Yoo said, like someone who had given up on chasing his dream.

"It’s just...too late for me," Hajin said. "My mother’s dead already, so I don’t feel like I have any connection to you."

Chairman Yoo smiled, but he looked like he was really about to cry. The old man probably remembered the first time Hajin told him that his mother had died. Through text, even.

"So I can’t be your son, but..." Hajin exhaled slowly, and continued in a softer tone. "I can tell you about my mother as much as you want, as the two people who love her."

Chairman Yoo widened his eyes, before grabbing Hajin’s hand. "Thank you," he said in a trembling voice, as tears dripped from his eyes. "Thank you."