CHAPTER 164: CHAPTER 163. LOOKING INTO THE MIRROR

In dismay, the twins and Little Bird had to cancel their plan for another party in the playroom below. What else could they do when Sarah looked like she could barely put her mind into anything else? She only told Yonghwa what she planned to do next before Hajin brought her home.

Even on the way home, Sarah didn’t say much. She constantly drowned in her own mind, looking at the empty air. Thankfully, she still functioned well; she didn’t stumble on the steps or almost hit a wall--not that Hajin wouldn’t let her anyway, but it was good that he didn’t have to pull of grab her off the wall.

That didn’t mean he was relieved.

As someone who had been on Sarah’s side for practically 24/7, Hajin knew the worst had yet to pass. Sarah might look alright on the outside since she usually didn’t emote much when she was quiet--and she was quiet most of the time--and she went about her night routine as if nothing special had happened, but Hajin was cautious.

It certainly wasn’t because of how Yonghwa looked at him when they left the dome garden; a stern look that told him to be cautious. Even without that, Hajin would be on his edge. He didn’t even dare to sleep, waiting for the inevitable.

And the inevitable did come, around two hours after midnight.

Hajin had seen Sarah go through all kinds of nightmares, from a light one that got her frowning slightly to one that got her curling and gasping. All the time, Hajin never woke her up. The episodes usually went past briefly anyway, before changing again, and she would forget about them a few minutes after waking up. So, it didn’t seem right to disturb her sleep over that.

This time, however, Hajin couldn’t bear to just watch her. For all the time he watched her sleep, this had got to be the worst nightmare she had. Sarah was writhing and thrashing around as if she was trying to escape from something, so much so that the blanket got thrown to the ground.

Hajin, who was sitting on the armchair near the window instead of lying down, immediately moved to the bed and held the trembling hands so Sarah wouldn’t accidentally hit herself.

"Princess," he called her softly, trying to pull her out gently without startling her. "Princess, can you hear me?"

"Ungh!"

Sarah groaned and kept kicking the mattress, as if trying to run. Letting the trashing hands hit him instead of the empty air, Hajin held Sarah’s face, which was writhing in agony, and called out to her again.

"Lee Seul-ah," Hajin used a sterner voice this time. "Seul-ah, wake up."

Like breaking a bad spell, Sarah opened her eyes wide while gasping. Her terrified pupils were shaking as she tried to make out Hajin’s face in the dim light. The trashing hands instinctively gripped Hajin’s arms as her mouth parted, struggling to inhale.

"Breathe," Hajin held her face steadily while speaking in a calm, soothing voice, even when his heart was nothing but. "Breathe, Seul-ah."

The black eyes were still shaking, but Sarah inhaled sharply, taking as much air as she could through her nose and mouth. She panted heavily, as if she was just doing a harsh marathon inside her sleep, but at the very least, she breathed again.

Hajin swiped the black strands sticking to her sweaty face, sofly leaving a trail of kisses on each cleared section. "It’s okay," he whispered between each kiss. "You’re fine, Princess. You’re safe," he pulled her into his embrace and stroked her back. "I’m here; you’re puppy’s here."

The shaking eyes gradually focused again. Sarah grabbed the broad back and took a deep breath, letting the familiar scent of the fragrance she chose enter her system.

Ah...it was Hajin. Her puppy; her knight. It was their home, their bedroom; not a murky, dirty field of bog that tried to pull her down, down, down, and under. It was warm within his arms, even if it was as dark as the marshland.

Hajin kept the hug for a while, even after Sarah stopped trembling. Only after he heard her sigh into his neck and lift her head off his shoulder did he let go.

Well, not exactly; he just pulled back while keeping his hands around her waist and back--she was already on his lap anyway. He just wanted to check on her face, wanted to see if she was still plagued by the nightmare.

From how she furrowed her brows and lowered her gaze, it seemed like this nightmare wasn’t one that would be immediately forgotten like the others. That, or she already knew what specifically caused the nightmare this time.

Hajin stroked her cheek softly, looking pale even in the dim light. "Talk to me," he whispered; more like a plea than a request.

Sarah looked up slowly, eyes wide and weary. "I..."

She bit her lips, and for a while, Hajin thought she wouldn’t say anything. Still, he waited patiently, still stroking her face, and had his arm around her back as a support. Perhaps because of that, Satah found her courage again.

"I’m scared, Jin," she whispered, clutching the front of his shirt. Her voice, quiet and shaky, was as vulnerable as the time she told him she wanted to forget everything. "What...what if...what if what I’m doing right now is just the same as that person?"

The grudge mainly fueled by mistreatment and grief, the method of using another company to amass shares and wrecking the family apart...

When she heard about it, Sarah thought she was looking into a mirror; and finding out her worst enemy reflected in that mirror was truly, truly horrifying. So horrifying she saw a whole marshland filled with snakes that tried to pull her inside as if telling her she was a part of them.

Sarah felt her throat choked by a hot coal, making her voice come out raspy and breathy. "What if...what if I’m no different from him?"

"No," Hajin said without a waste of breath, much less hesitation. The calm grey eyes bore into her shaken, doubtful blacks. "You’re not the same."

"But--"

"Because, my Princess," Hajin held the back of her head, tilting her face as he leaned down closer, "You always avoid harming innocent people. You gave chances to people who had made your life miserable in the past--sometimes even too much chances," he said with a slightly annoyed tone that made Sarah blink in surprise. "You’re directly taking revenge on people who cause you and your mother misery, not unrelated people."

Directly...

Was he reminding her of what Yonghwa said earlier? Sure she knew that, but...

"But there will always be collateral damage," Sarah bit her lips. "People who didn’t do anything but get harmed because of what I’m doing."

"Yes, there will be," Hajin stroked her shoulder, where inked skin was covered by her pajama top.

He wouldn’t sugar-coat it: there would be people who knew nothing and got dragged into this matter. Employees who might lose their jobs, poor people they couldn’t save to not jeopardize the plan, an innocent baby who would have to be born into a dysfunctional family at best--if there was even any at the end of it all.

Burning something rarely ended as an isolated event. Burning trash on the ground would scorch the earth; even doing it inside an incinerator would still produce fumes that harmed the environment. When she was planning to burn a whole company and the family owning it, sparks were bound to fly everywhere and influence the surroundings.

Because there was no such thing as a perfect revenge.

The thing was...Hajin was pretty sure Sarah already knew all of that. Inking her skin with that menacing whip was not just a reminder of her goal, but also a warning that she might hurt herself and others with a swing of the crop.

She knew that already, but hearing about Joseph’s possible reasoning for what he did shook the foundation of her resolve.

"There will be victims, but you’ve been making measures about that, haven’t you? A way out, a compensation..." Hajin reminded the vulnerable Princess who wasn’t even aware of how soft-hearted she was most of the time. "Do you think that snake is even thinking about that? If he did, he wouldn’t make a plan using you or your mother, who had been nothing but sweet to him."

There was no excuse when he decided to involve Sarah and her mother in an accident, when the only possible outcome was harm. Even if he didn’t mean to kill them, it should never be justified. And what did he do while his plan was in motion? Spending time abroad as an alibi and didn’t even bother to check on Sarah or attend her mother’s funeral.

Hajin frowned as he thought about it. How could his princess even think she was the same as that kind of filth? It was annoying.

"But...what if..." Sarah’s voice turned even weaker as her true fear came to the surface. "What if I turned into him? What if I ended up just burning everything?"

"Then tell me to stop you," Hajin lifted her face again. "I am still your loyal dog, Master. If you give me the order, I’ll stop you when you step out of line."

Sarah widened her eyes, but Hajin could still see doubt in her eyes. Well...hearing that from someone whose main pleasure was indulging her didn’t seem convincing enough, it seemed.

Hajin sighed, adding while pursing his lips. "If you’re still in doubt, you can ask the others too."

Sarah bit her lips, the corner twitched slightly as a smile tried to break through. "Jin..."

"Silly Princess," Hajin pinched her cheek, causing her to frown before she could even smile. But at least she wasn’t making that frightened expression anymore, so Hajin kissed the furrowed brows with a soft chuckle. "The fact that you worry about this kind of thing itself tells me that you’re different from him."

Sarah looked at the man as her knitted brows slowly unraveled, as well as the knot in her stomach and the lump in her throat. The calm grey eyes were like a nice hot spring soothing her heart.

The heart holding the blade of retribution.

Sarah took a deep breath. "...yeah?"

Hajin smiled and kissed her softly, on the lips this time. "Yeah."