CHAPTER 191: CHAPTER 190. MOTHERS

When the car turned toward a certain exit, Hajin finally understood where Sarah was taking them. As expected, the car pulled into a parking lot of a familiar park on top of a hill where they shared their first kiss in this timeline.

Nostalgic indeed.

Unfortunately, without a motorcycle, they couldn’t stop right in front of their desired vantage point, so they had to walk from the parking lot to the exact spot where Sarah’s heart started to shake for her bodyguard.

For the sake of memory, Hajin even bought warm drinks from the vending machine again. "Oh," he grinned while placing the opened warm coffee can on Sarah’s hands. "This feels like a date, doesn’t it?"

"It is a date," Sarah shrugged. "Kind of."

"Oh?" Hajin tilted his head, grinning like a puppy. Sarah couldn’t resist patting the man’s head before feeling self-aware and remembering that it was still daylight and there were other people in the park--mainly children.

Clearing her throat in embarrassment, Sarah turned around and walked briskly toward the vantage point. Hajin could only stifile a laugh while following his silly princess, who wouldn’t care about anything while acting as his lover, but still became flustered when it came to the real thing.

Ah...adorable as usual.

When Hajin arrived at the vantage point, Sarah wasn’t there, however. She had already sat on a bench nearby, where they could still look over the spread of the rural suburb while relaxing beneath the shade of an almost bald tree.

Sipping the sweetened coffee, her deep eyes gazed into the horizon rather than the landscape. Those eyes didn’t leave the beautiful sky for a while, even when Hajin came to sit beside her, or when she leaned her head on the surprised bodyguard’s shoulder.

Sarah exhaled slowly, heavily, as if trying to expel whatever poison still persisted in her heart. Among all of her enemies, Joseph was the one she wanted to get rid of the most. More than her own miserable life, she was angrier about her mother’s death.

Her beautiful, kind mother who hadn’t tasted happiness yet. She died before knowing how it was to be loved by someone she loved; before her daughter could become a proper, good adult.

But then again, Sarah felt thankful. If her mother were still alive, and saw how she turned out...

"If my mother could see me...she must be disappointed, huh?" Sarah muttered, stroking her broken jade pendant. "Her daughter turned into someone who easily ordered people’s deaths."

"Is it really easy?" Hajin turned his head, looking at the black hair on his shoulder.

Was it really easy for her, just as she said? She had to convince herself multiple times by making sure her opponent truly had no remorse and deserved what came to them. Her nightmares were still there; no longer about her mother’s death, but about the regret of not becoming the daughter she thought her mother wanted her to be.

As someone who had been shadowing Sarah’s step and watching her more than anyone else--including Sarah herself--Hajin knew that it had never been an easy decision for her.

If it were that easy, she wouldn’t have to force herself to be cold and numb.

But Sarah just shrugged. "Same thing."

Hajin would have argued, but saying it was different wouldn’t matter much for Sarah. Whether it was easy or not, she still felt she was a failure as a daughter. She knew her mother would never do the things he had been doing. Hell...her mother wouldn’t think of getting revenge in the first place.

Unless it came from her mother’s mouth, nothing might convince her otherwise.

Unless it came from her mother’s mouth...

"Have I told you how I became so good at fighting, Princess?"

"Hmm?"

Sarah blinked, raising her head from the bodyguard’s shoulder. She looked at Hajin, who was downing his entire can of latte while staring at the distant sky; perhaps toward where he spent his childhood. Suddenly, Sarah remembered the pictures of him on the bar, as well as the one she accidentally saw on the martial arts studio’s album.

"You used to be in a dojo, weren’t you? Or a martial art studio," Sarah replied, shifting slightly so she could look at the bodyguard better.

Hajin rarely talked about his childhood--well, they rarely talked about their childhood in the first place--so she felt intrigued. Talking about stuff like that...made it feel more and more like they were on a date.

"Yeah, but it’s not like I suddenly stumbled upon it," Hajin smiled when the dull black eyes were suddenly filled with curious sparkles. "The owner of the studio dragged me there after he saw me fight against the students from my school."

"Ah," Sarah gasped lightly, grabbing Hajin’s arm. "Were you being bullied?"

Hajin chuckled at the easy guess. "Nah, I didn’t give them the chance to," he smirked at the memory. "I already know what would happen to a kid like me--Asian, no father, poor--so I’ve prepared for it."

Sarah arched her brow. "Prepared...to fight?"

"Yeah," Hajin crossed his arms, suddenly feeling nostalgic. "You know I used to live above a bar, right? It was easy to ask some regulars to teach me some moves. Fortunately, I got the good side of my quarter foreign blood that gave me this physique."

"So you’ve been tall since you were a child, huh? "

"Just enough to look like I might blend in," Hajin shrugged. He also got the lighter color eyes, which made it a little bit easier, strangely enough. "Still, sooner or later, some assholes were targeting me, and I ended up fighting them."

"And then the owner of your studio took you under his wings?"

"Heh--he beat me up more than anyone ever did," Hajin laughed. "He did say he wanted to turn me into an athlete, though. My mother liked that."

Hajin wasn’t stupid; he could follow the studies well. He just had no interest in it, because in his observation, people who looked smart at school got bullied more. That was why he spent his time learning how to fight, so he would look tough enough that others didn’t think it was worth the trouble messing with him.

Of course, it got him in a lot of screaming matches with his mother, who wanted him to be one of those smart people working in buildings dealing with numbers. But, well...an athlete didn’t seem so bad as an alternative.

"But..." Sarah frowned because she didn’t recall seeing any of that career path written in Hajin’s resume. "Did you quit?"

"Well...I did go to some preliminary matches, but my mother left the country around that time."

"So...you quit?"

Was he sacrificing his tournament because he wanted to chase her mother? If Sarah recalled correctly, however, Hajin only came when his mother was already in the hospital.

"I was doing the tournament thing for her, you know; because she wanted me to be something more than a fatherless man who only knew how to fight," Hajin chuckled. "I got petty because of our argument before she left and...well," he shrugged.

Sarah parted her lips without saying anything for a few seconds. "You’re...kind of funny."

Hajin laughed--funny was a way to put it. He was young and lived without caring much about tomorrow at that point. "Anyway, when I got to meet my mother again, I expected her to get mad because I blew up years of training and ended up as an illegal fighter."

Sarah flinched slightly. Worried that the coffee might spill, she put the can aside before asking the bodyguard cautiously. "Did she?"

Hajin smiled at the sky, as if he could see his mother between the hanging clouds. "She said she was glad I survived, at least."

Maybe because she had just gone through the worst point of her life, or maybe because she also regretted their last conversation was made in anger, but Hajin could feel her mother becoming softer at that time. She did say she felt guilty and selfish for going to see her loved one one last time instead of spending her limited days with her son.

"She said she was glad that I looked happier than I was."

Hajin turned toward the girl who had given him the chance to hear those kinds of words from his mother. It gave him the chance to erase his guilt and live confidently, knowing that his mother was satisfied with how he turned out to be.

And that girl needed to know that.

"I know our mothers are different in many ways, but..." Hajin smiled, stroking Sarah’s cold cheek. "I know they are mothers."

He didn’t know what Sarah’s mother would say to her, but he could tell her what his mother told him as a mother.

"From what you’ve told me about her, I’m pretty sure she would be happy that you survived," Hajin cupped her cheeks and leaned forward, making sure she could hear his words clearly while staring at her glazed eyes. "She might be surprised by your change, but as long as you end up happy, wouldn’t she feel the same?"

Her cheeks trembled beneath his palms, and warm tears pooled between his fingers.

"Because that’s how mothers are."

Once again, Sarah found herself crying because of her mother’s memory and this man’s words in this place. Perhaps...perhaps when she brought the car there, she was hoping for this.

"At any rate," Hajin wiped her tears with his thumb and a smile. "I’m pretty sure she would prefer seeing you a little villainous than miserable under their oppression."

"Yeah?"

Hajin kissed her forehead softly. "Yeah."

"Okay," Sarah leaned his head to the broad shoulder, feeling warm and at home, forgetting about the park and other people who could see them.

It was especially warm when Hajin had his arms around her; embracing her gently, stroking her back until she stopped trembling. Even after her tears stopped flowing, Sarah stayed in that embrace for a while, silently contemplating.

"Jin..."

"Mm?"

"You’ll have to sleep alone for a while."

"...excuse me?!"