CHAPTER 27: CHAPTER 27: THE MAN I BARELY KNOW

I’m surprised and at the same time deeply relieved to see that Alpha Torrin doesn’t seem to be struggling with his amnesia tonight. He looks and sounds like the leader he has always been: fearless, steady, and full of determination.

He asks for everyone’s opinions, weighs every suggestion carefully, then gives clear and confident orders.

"I want you to train all our warriors in our pack’s military training camp as much as you can. Harleigh and I will do the same here. But even with all that training, I don’t want Atticus or Damian in their best form when we attack. Have them drink wine laced with sleep-inducing drugs so they can’t function or give proper orders to those willing to defend them."

"How about we poison them so they’d be dead instead?" Eric suggests.

"No," I answer. "Well... you can poison Atticus. But not Damian, because I’m the one who must kill him."

Heads snap in my direction, uncertainty flickering across every face.

"How can we trust that you will and can kill Damian when you failed to do it when you had the chance?" Beta Samuel asks, wrinkles deepening on his furrowed brow.

"I trust Harleigh. So you should too," Alpha Torrin says firmly, which makes the uncertainty vanish from the council members almost instantly.

Alpha Torrin continues, "Also, I want you to destroy Dr. Reyes’ experiment: Harleigh’s blood samples and all the machines and technology she’s been using."

He offers me a soft smile, but I can’t return it. Not right now.

The meeting lasts for more than an hour and when it ends, Eric and the Frostveil council members leave, while Alpha Torrin and I walk back through the Dingle Valley’s great walls.

The silence of the night only sharpens the awkward distance between us.

I refuse to meet his eyes, even though I can feel him stealing glances at me through my peripheral vision.

"I’m not going home yet. I’ll be training with everything I’ve learned so far about my ShadowBind," I say.

"I’ll train too," he replies, excitement lighting his voice.

Before I can reject his company, he takes my hand and gently pulls me toward the foot of the valleys where trees stand thick and tall, wild enough to make the area perfect for training.

We both wolf-out.

While he starts his physical training; running through bushes, leaping across branches, and hunting non-shifter preys, I focus on my mental training. I settle at the clearing directly underneath the moon, close my eyes, relax my heart, and try to clear my mind.

I used to believe my ShadowBind awakened whenever my emotions were high and my thoughts were desperate.

But,...

The books clarify that that’s just for activation. If I wanna fully control it, I must first learn to control my thoughts and emotions when needed the most.

Now, with all these distressing and dangerous events happening, not only consecutively, but also all at once, how am I supposed to calm my emotions and thoughts enough to truly control this power?

I search deep within my heart, and all my traumas come crashing back at once.

The Ambush of the Shadowfang Pack - our wolves’ cries, our parents’ desperate attempts to protect us, and Harper’s and my terror as we heard their final jagged breaths.

Lance and Aiko’s betrayal flashes before me - their n.aked bodies tangled together, their moans echoing like knives. Then there’s Alpha Philip forcing me to marry Lance after everything, threatening my life and Harper’s if I dared refuse.

My two fated mates and the cruelty that I have to choose between them. The one I don’t choose will die. If it’s Damian, I must kill him myself. If it’s Alpha Torrin, then either Atticus or Damian will kill him.

But the worst trauma of all is Alpha Torrin forgetting our bond, and the moment he pushed me away when I tried to make him remember it.

There are so many more, but these are the ones which truly almost destroyed me.

Tears spill from my eyes. My wolf growls at me, furious at my inability to control my emotions... that I failed my first training.

I flinch in surprise when Alpha Torrin, now in his human form, wipes my tears with his thumb.

"Are you okay? Do you wanna go home and rest?" he asks worriedly.

"I’ll be fine," I whisper, rising to my feet. "Go back home. I wanna be alone."

I walk toward the lake. When I’m unable to sense even a trace of his presence, I shift into my human form.

I wanna feel the world with bare skin, hoping nature might ease my troubled heart and mind. I take off my clothes and slip into the cold lake water. I swim until I’m fully submerged, letting the chill numb everything.

For a few minutes, there’s no fear, no pain, no memories. Only myself.

Another try... I’ll train again.

But then,...

A sudden disturbance in the water snaps me back.

Alpha Torrin swims toward me then drags me to the surface.

"What do you think you’re doing?!" I hiss, struggling against his grip.

"I should ask the same! Did I offend you that much that you’re willing to kill yourself?" he demands, his anger matching mine.

"There were times I thought dying would free me from pain. But I’m not killing myself over a man who doesn’t even know me, and who I barely know myself. So stop being delusional. My world doesn’t only revolve around you."

I nearly gasp in surprise at my own words.

Alpha Torrin’s anger fades, replaced by something wounded as he studies my face.

When I try to pull away again, his arms tighten around me.

"I don’t know what kind of apology you want so you can forgive me. But I thought you were going to help me remember you, us. Why does it feel like you’re pushing me away now?" he says.

My breath hitches, guilt flooding through me.

I guess it’s my instinct to protect myself, just in case I fail to kill Damian again, which would mean failing to retrieve Alpha Torrin’s memories. At least I’m preparing myself in case the love he once showed me becomes irretrievable. That way, I won’t be hurt as much. And maybe I won’t die if he eventually rejects me.

Alpha Torrin pulls me even tighter, my b.reasts pressing against his hard, warm chest. The tips of his fingertips begin to roam along my back, making me tremble.

A part of me wants to push him away again, but another part of me - my wolf, practically cheers inside me.

"I’m not going to continue if you don’t feel like it," he whispers alluringly.

I swallow hard. "Do you want this because you’re pressured to recover your bond with me? Do you want this because you’re thirsty to f.uck a girl after being surrounded by so many earlier? Or do you want this because that’s what your heart...?"

He slams his lips onto mine, silencing me completely.

I wait for him to give me a reason that would justify me agreeing to this intimacy, but he doesn’t. And unfortunately, my heart is too fragile to refuse him.

Every emotion I’ve tried so hard to restrain starts slipping through the cracks.

The books say I must control my thoughts and emotions when needed the most.

Does that apply to moments like this? Does discipline matter when my heart is already raw and exposed?

Before I find any answer, I realize I’m already kissing Alpha Torrin back.

The feel of his throbbing manhood against my body sends shivers up my spine.

He lifts me effortlessly from the lake, water cascading off our bodies. He carries me toward the grassy shore, his lips still moving against mine.

I know this might break me even more if things don’t go as I hope, if he still can’t remember and feel our bond, if this intimacy becomes nothing more than a temporary lust to him.

Right now, all I can do is hold on to this moment... even if it destroys me later.

Alpha Torrin descends to my b.reasts, teasing my n.ipples with his deft tongue and fingers.

I arch my back, moaning in pleasure.

My moans become louder when he descends his mouth further between my spread legs with his fingers thrusting in and out of me.

I tremble and adjust for a moment when he hits my spot.

Then,...

I kneel in front of him and thrust his erected manhood into my mouth, prompting a controlled moan to escape him.

I start slowly, until I can finally swallow his entire length at a faster pace.

When I reach his sweet spot too, he lays me back down on the grass, and positions himself between my spread legs.

He stares at me for a moment, silently asking for my approval.

When I nod, he thrusts himself inside of me in one swift and determined motion.

Both of us moan in unison, while clutching each other tightly.

The world fades into oblivion as our hips dance. His movement is wild and relentless without any sign of slowing down or stopping any time soon, no matter how much I tremble beneath him.