CHAPTER 257: CHAPTER 257 - BORN NOT TO FOLLOW, DESIRE NOT TO LEAD

Vrika’s response to my clear sidestepping was decisive - images of pack hunts, sharing kills, and protective circles. Pups playing, learning the foundations of everything they need to someday do the same while adults watched them.

A deep satisfaction of belonging somewhere. Being responsible for the others’ wellbeing. I can feel my breathing grow heavy and rapid again as it pushes these things towards me as if not accepting this is unthinkable.

That’s not... I can’t...

I tried to reject the vision the spirit shared - but the way I’d immediately stepped between those security guards and the teenagers?

Followed a woman I barely know all the way home because she was drunk and possibly unsafe..

Shamed an Alpha in a public place because she frightened my ’new friend’.

As well as the care I’d taken setting up this space for two people. Whether it was only for the growing child or... her.

Regardless of if you label it something like a ’pack’ or not, I was building connections and intending to... perhaps not protect them with my life, but protect them with what amount of care I have to spare at any moment.

Except that is altogether different from what this companion sharing my soul is thinking. Appearing in my mindscape next to the black furred beast, I hold my hand on either side of its face and lightly headbutt it.

...You don’t understand what you’re asking for.

Vrika asked the same thing as the System seemed to be pushing me toward. What is likely the purpose of being ’Chosen’ by it. Leadership during the collapse of everything.

Looking at myself as a potential fit for that meant people would look to me for answers when the world fell apart. When resources ran out and territorial disputes turned bloody. When desperate people started fighting over the remaining scraps of civilization.

I’d only lived through the aftermath of a few small things that could be called disasters in my original world. But I’d seen how quickly order collapsed when people were scared and hungry.

The constant challenges to authority when you had little else to lose. The impossible decisions about who gets fed enough to work and who doesn’t get fed enough to survive on if they get sick, which can even be one and the same.

My father, the king, had ruled during peacetime. With established systems and abundant enough resources. And it was still so bad.

I don’t want to be the one deciding who lives and dies. I don’t want humans or werewolves bringing me their starving children and begging me to fix what I can’t fix. Isn’t it enough that I intend to do my utmost for Helene’s spawn?

Vrika whined like it wanted to commiserate, but it didn’t understand. I’m not even sure I do. What it felt like to have the weight of others’ survival pressing down on your psyche.

Until you could barely breathe, you run yourself to exhaustion, or you are ousted as ineffective. These are the sort of worries my grandmother held alongside her husband, according to her diaries.

I slid off the boulder, my sneaker bound feet hitting the container floor with a bit of a clang. My gaze fell on Kyrie’s sleeping form... stirring for a moment at the noise. And a different kind of guilt twisted in my stomach.

And what did I go and do? Dumped that exact burden on her instead.

She was better suited for it, maybe. Had experience managing people in corporate matters. Potential crisis planning training. Had existing pack loyalty and resources at her disposal.

But that didn’t make it fair. That didn’t make it right that I’d essentially handed her the apocalypse to deal with. Because I know once she secures her own people’s welfare...

"Silly wolf. How did I not wake you?"

I whisper quietly as I felt a surge of rebellion. What was wrong with focusing on myself? With only offering and providing what I feel I can manage?

If that means getting tangled up in caring about people here and there... so what. I’ll just do my best to make sure they know that depending on me won’t help them in the end.

Moving closer, my phone is in my hand and switching to the camera before I thought too much. If I was going to torture myself with guilt and responsibility then a small reward should be fine.

There wasn’t much light in the container, but that made the shadows on her face interesting. Her white hair spilled out across the pillow like sliver of moonlight... as I shined my phone’s blue tinted screen over her.

One hand tucked under her cheek and the other clutching at her skirt. I turned the device around and took the shot. Examined how it came out and fiddled with settings until I got passable results.

This is probably creepy. She can’t really agree or refuse, even if I’m sure she wouldn’t deny if I asked in the right ways. But it’s fine. I’ll show them to her and admit that I did it.

Vrika barked with some sort of amusement over my behavior that should not be acceptable. The ends do not justify the means, but what is done is done. And if I keep doing it, it will continue to be done in the past!

She’ll wake up eventually, though. And my opportunity to capture her like this will fade. Even if... we share a bedroom again, the feeling will be different.

Though the elegant line of her neck extending out of the crossed fabric of her top and the way her breathing lifted the thin material would probably remain the same no matter where I took pictures of her sleeping.

Without thinking, I captured that. A picture that didn’t even have her face in it... just the curve of her chest pressing into the mattress.

Yes, I’ll really delete it. Just give me a minute!

Sighing and turning away, I back up and seat myself softly on the edge of the bed next to her. Frankly, I can’t fathom why I am not hiding under the frame. Because if she wakes up and sees me here with my face this red?

"Stupid sexy werewolf. I’m not sure if you just trust me or if you don’t care if I do anything. But I sure wouldn’t risk... falling asleep... wait, I did already. During that thunderstorm. Did she take pictures then?"

I really, *really* hope she did - because then I’d feel a lot less conflicted!