CHAPTER 85: CONFESSIONS AND SITUATIONS

Chapter Eighty-FIVE

**OLIVER WEST**

’Before we can move forward with anything, we need to talk about Ginny...’

The words quivered out of my lips and I nearly regretted it, seeing the way Kieran instantly grew tense.

Right now, we were in his room, my heart was pounding too fast, and I was restless like I had been the entire car ride.

It was already too late to take back the words, I bit my lips nervously, Kieran wasn’t saying anything. He was just staring at me with those intense eyes.

My legs felt like rubber, I didn’t know how long I could continue standing under his penetrating stare, so I walked to the only available place in his room to sit down.

His bed.

"Kieran," I fumbled with my hands, holding that raw gaze. He wasn’t telling me to stop talking, so I continued, even though my voice was shaky.

"I didn’t know your sister was inside the building. Ginny told me she was going to look for you." The words felt like shards of glass in my throat. Even from the small distance between us, I could feel the tension escaping Kieran in thick waves, the whole room feels suffocating in a way that prickles my whole body with sweat.

"She couldn’t wait for her surprise. She was so excited about what you’d planned for her birthday."

I could see Ginny so clearly in my memory, and I still remembered her last words like it was yesterday.

’What’s taking K so long? I want to see what he got me, I’m going to find him’

"I saw her leave the building, I watched her walk out those doors to look for you. When the explosion happened, I really thought she was safe outside. I thought she’d made it out." Tears prickled in my eyes as the words choked from me.

Kieran became blurrier even through my glasses but I saw him move, making air catch in my throat, because he was still standing, I strained my neck to look at him, hoping he’d see my sincerity.

"I wasn’t lying to you, Kieran. But I was wrong. I was so wrong."

Kieran took the space beside me on the bed, his breathing was shallow as though he was trying to fight something inside, whereas mine was rapid and my heart felt as though it was going to escape from me.

His nearness seemed to break the dam in my eyes..

"I didn’t mean to kill your sister, and I didn’t want to be saved in place of her. I’ve thought about it every day. I’ve wished it were me instead of her every single night. I also didn’t want to fight with you about anything, I thought if your pain would lessen by hurting me, it would be great." I doubted Kieran could make out anything I was saying through my heavy sobs, but I felt his arm around me.

No.

It should be the other way around. I should be the one comforting him.

I tried to resist when he pulled me towards him, but he was stronger, and part of me was desperate for this - for him to hold me close and not push me away.

I lost in the fight, allowing myself to be absorbed into Kieran’s embrace.

"I don’t regret saving you, I’ve never regretted it. Not once."

I pulled back to stare at him, my heart throbbing at the emotions burning in his eyes.

He wasn’t lying.

Kieran’s eyes reflected pain, but there was something else. Not anger, and it wasn’t hatred. Just raw honesty that took my breath away.

"But she was everything to you. She was all you had–"

"And you’re everything to me now, you are my everything, Ollie," Kieran’s arms tighten around me and something broken in the way he said those words renewed fresh tears in my eyes.

"I’m sorry for not realizing what you meant to me sooner. I blamed you because it was easier than blaming myself," Kieran continued, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I was supposed to protect her. I was her big brother. I failed her, but it was not your fault. It was never your fault."

I shook my head against his chest. His guilt made my own throat close up with grief.

"How can it be your fault? You didn’t fail her Kieran. You tried to save us both, and you even risked your life running into that burning building. You got hurt because of me," My fingers seemed to move on their own accord, trailing the small scar on his shoulder, close to his neck.

The memory of that tragic incident had forever imprinted itself on Kieran’s skin.

When I met Kieran’s eyes again, my breath was stolen from me yet again.

"I’m glad I saved you, Ollie, in return, you saved my life more than you will ever know," He whispered fiercely.

Why did he look so honest?

How did I save his life? It was he who saved mine.

We lay back on his bed, with Kieran still holding me against him. Why was the sadness still so overwhelming?

But this time, it wasn’t just grief and guilt, it was also relief. Kieran hadn’t believed me then, he had hated me. But not, he knows the truth.

I didn’t mean to let his sister die.

He finally believed me, he would probably never know how long I’d dreamed of this moment. Where we would talk about Ginny without all the hate and angst between us.

I was crying with both happiness, and the tears kept escaping until his shirt was soaked through.

"Why are you crying again?" Kieran asked, his fingers running through my hair as I snuggled closer to him.

His voice was gentle even though his eyes now regarded me with something resembling amusement.

"Such a crybaby. Do you have a secret waterfall or something?

Despite everything, I almost smiled at his familiar tease, but it didn’t form fully.

"Shut up. It’s normal to cry when one is emotional."

His gaze lingered on mine, and I became increasingly aware of how I was snuggled against him like a cat. But I didn’t move away. I just couldn’t bear to leave his warmth or break this moment.

When Kieran leaned, his lips were a few inches from mine.

I compressed my lips together, my cheeks burning when he lifted a brow.

It felt wrong somehow, mixing grief with whatever this was between us. We’d just talked about Ginny, his sister who’d loved us both.

How can he even be horny in this situation?!!

"Fine," Kieran said, chuckling softly, his arms tightened around my waist, and I shrieked when his face suddenly buried into my neck.

"No kissing. I’ll just hold you."

I didn’t trust him, but somehow Kieran kept his promise..

We stayed like this as the room grew dark, wrapped around each other, and for the first time since that terrible day at camp, the weight in my chest felt a little lighter.

The ghost of Georgina Morrison didn’t feel aggrieved anymore - she felt peaceful. Like the Ginny in my heart could finally rest in peace knowing her brother and her best friend had found their way back to each other.

*

*

My arms stretched to their widest width. My brain was aware that it was already time for school.

How many minutes do I have left?

One or two before mom came here and dragged me out of my bed?

A sigh escaped my mouth as I wrapped my hand and snuggled closer to Teddy ’K’

Only that teddy K was not as soft as I remembered.

It felt...

My palms began to move, taking note of how my stuffed bear felt different, it felt hard, almost like ...Human?

Since when was my teddy this muscular!

My eyes snapped open instantly to find my hands placed directly on Kieran’s bare chest.

My eyes grew wider as it snapped to his sleeping face, when did he get rid of his clothes?

I inhaled to calm down my racing heart that was overspeeding from sharing this space with Kieran.

This wasn’t the first time I’d woken up to Kieran’s face as an adult, counting that drunken night, but this was the first time that I could study him so freely.

After everything we’d been through - the tears, the confessions, the peace we’d found - waking up like this felt like stepping into completely uncharted territory.

His face was so close to mine, I could count his lashes, observe the handsome carve of his face and the easy rise and fall of his chest.

I found my gaze trailing lower, my eyes paused at exactly the spot where a tent formed on the bedsheet, like literally lifting the sheets up.

WHAT THE HELL– I JUST HOPED THAT HE WAS AT LEAST WEARING UNDERWEARS!!

I couldn’t tear my gaze away and honestly, I didn’t even know morning wood could get as intense as that.

My eyes slowly directed to mine. See? completely normal.

I tried to inch away carefully, but Kieran’s arms suddenly tightened around my waist, pulling me against him.

His other hand, which had been resting innocently on his side suddenly flattened on my stomach and began to move.

Slowly.

Deliberately.

His fingers trailed along my ribs in a way that made my breath hitch.

"Good morning," He mumbled against my neck, his voice thick with sleep and something that spread awareness through me.

My throat went completely dry. "Kieran, you have a... situation."I squeaked.

"Mmm." His hand continued its lazy exploration, fingertips brushing just under the waistband of my pants. "It’s normal. You have a situation too."