I was unable to stop Jacoby from being all over me, even when it was time to sleep. I had two options: one, accept that Jacoby was going to be all over me in this cell, or make a fuss and figure out who they had to come in here and fondle me next. I doubted it would be the cute little Wizard Celine, who was a self-proclaimed slut who liked it dirty.

I was, however, more than capable of stopping Jacoby from having sex with me.

Plus it was hard to sleep with your arm chained to the bed, even if the bed itself was decently comfortable.

The other thing that kept me up was being furious. These people should’ve accepted the good idea I laid out before them. They should’ve looked past their own agenda, their own ambitions, their rules, their secrecy, and gotten on with the very real possibilities: curing all incurable diseases, giving everyone a class and Tokens to boost themselves. People could really benefit from exposure to the portal. Imagine having a guy nearly fall from his job building a skyscraper, then activating all his Agility Tokens and saving his own life.

Well, they weren’t interested in that.

“Well, isn’t that cute,” a bored voice said from the window.

Both Jacoby and I perked up to find Drat peering in

“He gets free room and board, and all the conjugal visits a guy could want. Life seems pretty good for poor Fletcher. I should get myself confined to a cell and given a hot girl to give me a constant rub down.”

Jacoby sat up, still straddling me and still in contact with my crotch. She was clothed, but barely, with a tank top showing off her long nipples. Maybe she was trying to look dignified in her role keeping my clone from disappearing, but that failed since she was wearing lacy black panties and nothing else down below.

“What do you want, Drat?” I asked, irritated by the fact that I’d been awake entirely too long, but also by the fact that I was a prisoner. More irritating was that I wasn’t in telepathic contact with Shakindria. Even with the newfound ability to freely communicate with psychic Nakamamon, the Wizards had shut it off with a spell.

 “Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll come back when you’re not engaged with someone who’s not even one of your five girlfriends.”

“Five girlfriends?” Jacoby asked.

“You don’t get to talk,” I told her, and her expression went from horny and tired to horny, tired and annoyed.

“Okay seven girlfriends,” Drat said. “Whatever. Some of us know what monogamy is, and practice it.”

“If your only reason for being here is to insult me, feel free to go away,” I told him.

“Oh, I’m supposed to help get you out of here,” he said.

“That’s not going to happen,” Jacoby told him. “There are dozens of guards on the levels above and below, in here and… outside.”

“Outside where I am?” Drat asked with a smirk. “Yeah, their security isn’t as good as they’d like.”

“I have a daughter,” I told them. As an attention-getter, it worked like a charm. Both shut right up and focused on me. “Okay, now that that worked, you tell me what you’re doing here… and how you plan on getting me out, Widdershins von Castille.”

I disliked when Drat made that smug face, like he was going to enjoy telling you that he already told you the answer to your question. However, I particularly enjoyed the smug face vanishing and being replaced with a Lemonkey face.

“What?”

“Just get on with it,” I said. “We’re giving too many chances to people who are looking for you and want to bring you in.”

“In three days, we’re going to tear this castle apart. Chrysta and Shakindria will help Trent get at the walls, and Cinzy provides a distraction. Skulkins helps you get out unnoticed. Then you and I meet Cinzy and Poppy, and head back to camp.”

“That,” I told him, “is maybe the worst plan I’ve ever heard.”

There was so much wrong with that plan I shouldn’t have even had to explain, but here I was. Chrysta and Shakindria were not fodder to be recaptured after I escaped. This clone of me, yes Drat don’t look at me with that face, this clone of me wasn’t necessary at all. The whole mission had been to help reunite Drat with Skulkins and Trent with Garnet… apparently mission accomplished. The next part of the mission had been to take Cinzy and Poppy, and maybe Drat and Skulkins, back to the main camp. There was no way I’d leave Cinzy, Shakindria, Chrysta and possibly Fairy Poppins behind.

“You mean two of your dozen girlfriends,” Drat said drily.

“I mean four of my two dozen girlfriends,” I spat back.

Both of them stared at me again, as the numbers sank in, and then the war began in their minds: how much was I telling the truth, and how much was pure fabrication? If Chrysta was one of my girlfriends, did that mean I had sex with an ice ghost? How in the devil did that work? And that also included Fairy Poppins… how in the devil did it work, when my cock was bigger than her whole body? And how had the number ballooned out from five to a dozen to two dozen? Even five clearly seemed like too many to both of them. And two dozen? They were both trying to think up the ladies in my life and how many that amounted to. I was BS-ing them… surely. Wasn’t I?

Of the quiet moments that spun out into a full-on minute of awkward contemplation about my sex life.

“Can I make a suggestion?” Jacoby asked quietly.

“If you get up off him and put some clothes on, maybe I’d be able to take you seriously,” Drat said.

“She can’t,” I replied, but only added, “the moment she stops grinding on me, this clone will vanish.”

I have to say, one of my very favorite things was rendering Drat speechless. He was going to reach the question of why I didn’t just overpower Jacoby, but I’d already been there mentally. One, I wasn’t going to leave Shakindria and Chrysta to these people. It was me they wanted and they would use the two of them to put pressure on me. If I was here, they could try all the things they wanted.

“What’s your suggestion?” I asked.

She made her suggestion, which morphed into a plan. It started with McCauley Skulkins and ended with the two of us stunned. At the end of it, Drat looked a question at me, and I answered with Psyspeech.

I think she’s telling the truth, I told him.

***

I filled in the Divinity Rescue Corps about the situation with the HQ, and the plan to free our captive people. Larelle, Ivy, Isabelle, Alan and Regina all wanted to march up there and take on the whole HQ, but none of them had the levels or the skill set to get past dozens of Wizards, dozens of Guardians, or dozens of Rangers, Rogues, or Bards. They’d only end up in chains along with us up there.

None of them liked it, but they didn’t have to. Instead we all got to work. The Guardians were put to work together with Regina and Dee, or guarding our new Wizard friends to make sure all was smooth and nobody was going to betray our position to the Agency.

I shook my head at the thought. The Agency knew our position. They had high level Diviners capable of finding me wherever I went; it was just a matter of assigning resources that could better be used elsewhere.

Was I really so high a priority to these people? On one hand, it was flattering. On the other hand, it was infuriating. Maybe, maybe I could see them wanting to get me back for exploding their portal and crushing the new one under a mountain, and the problems that came along with not having access to the portal… and also being forced to move the HQ.

Okay, put it that way, it was a major pain in the ass. They had stopped going after me though, only to start again.

Finding the potential cures in the Archives, growing the plants, and making up the cure we needed was less difficult than finding the god in question. Over the next couple of days, we got to work. I considered asking the mayor of Saxwhacket whether I could engage with any of the citizens who were willing to receive the power of healing. Having a crazy orgy in Flunt-on-the-Rustle had been extremely beneficial to all involved, for more than just the pleasure involved.

Then I reconsidered. First, the Lemonkey might just implode from the fury of what I was proposing. Next, they didn’t have a sick citizen problem or an egg illness like in Flunt-on-the-Rustle. They had angry citizens, and yes anger could turn into a mental affliction, but it hadn’t yet. The only thing the mayor would see was me wanting to get my dick wet for no other clearly visible purpose.

I went out with Regina and two of our Guardians on the second day to scour the city, only to come away with a headache. The realization that the city was freaking enormous was not a welcome one. Yes the city was a city, and yes cities were generally big.

This was another thing entirely. Each city block was constantly in motion, and they went all the way around, three hundred and sixty degrees. Regina had a very good ability to know where she was… in the wilderness and away from habitations. In the city, the power didn’t work. Drat would have the city version of this. Drat wasn’t here.

It turned out the new Draconic Spirit ability from the Dragina in the last town allowed us to survey big chunks of the city and label the blocks. You had Big Round Fountain block, Aggressive Vine Park block, Row of Windmills block, Bubble Tower block, Treehouse Tower block, Central Crystal House block, Bookends Crystal House block, and more besides. I’d carry Regina and our Guardian du jour up into the sky to get a view, loop around several of the floating city blocks to identify and locate the one we were going for, then land and do the very weird job of canvassing this one.

By the end of the third day, we hadn’t come across any divine energy sources that were our god. We’d happened upon several divine aspected Nakamamon and their houses.

“I’m jealous,” Regina would say, looking at the clouds, the golden gate, and the white marble columns in the distance, trimmed in gold. Then, we would ring the doorbell, a literal bell beside the gate, and interview the occupant about whether or not they were providing cover for a sick god and could we maybe look around the premises pretty please.

The first ones we came across were big, lumbering armadillos with gold bands and claws, but also light blue bands. Each had the blue arrow on their heads as well. They rolled up to the gates.

Ascendillo

First Stage Nakamamon

Ascendillo are slow-moving, contemplative creatures that often inhabit sacred canyons, temple ruins, and quiet desert shrines. Their adamantine shells spiral in geometric perfection, etched with symbols of enlightenment. Often seen basking in beams of sunlight or meditating in circles of smooth stones, Ascendillo exude a calm presence. Despite their peaceful nature, they are capable of unleashing blinding flashes of radiant energy when threatened.

Typical length: 4–5 feet from nose to tail (medium)

Typical weight: 120–200 pounds

Gender: unknown

Aspect: Holy/earth

Transformations: unknown → Ascendillo → unknown

Ascendillo has been added to your Nakamadex.

“I love this world,” Regina said, grinning.

“Excuse me,” I said. “I’m so terribly sorry to bother you in the midst of your meditations, but you don’t happen to be sheltering a sick god in there, do you?”

“The gods deserve our undying devotion and worship,” the Ascendillo said quietly.

“You are so right,” I said. “They also deserve to be cured if they happen to be sick and not operating their domains normally.”

“You may have noticed,” Ivy added, “that all the doors and windows lead to the wrong places.”

“Not all who wander are lost,” the creature replied with placid calm. “Likewise, not all who are inconvenienced actually suffer. Does not the Clamalamity produce a pearl when its peace is disrupted?”

“I mean, most of those who are lost aren’t wandering, not in this town,” Regina added.

I gave her a pointed look that told her these kinds of comments weren’t very helpful, thanks so much. “Well, we’re here to administer a holy cure to His—“

“Or Her!” Ivy added.

“Or Her, holiness the God—or Goddess—of Doors. It is very inconvenient for everyone in this city to be under this divine illness.”

“Or perhaps,” the other Ascendillo said, “this is exactly what the city needs. Who are we to judge the motives of a being so far above us? The insect Nakamamon probably wonder about your motives whenever you walk by, not knowing why you step on some of their brethren but leave them un-squashed.”

We weren’t getting anywhere like this.

“I would be honored to come and join you for… a meditation session,” I said, “and thrilled at the chance to look around at my first ever divine household.”

“We welcome a chance for the unalightened such as yourself to reach and attempt to pull yourself up out of the drudgery and muck of the physical.”

With one last pointed look at Regina and Ivy, I headed inside. They stuck around outside, and went in search of any other areas of divine power. The Nakamamon rolled along ahead of me, then stood and slowly shuffled their way inside.

The interior, like every other building in this city, was completely wrong. It was some other place in town, a place with a simple wood and plaster interior, heavy beams overhead, and small windows of glass. Both windows failed to look out on a cloudy, walled holy temple exterior I knew was outside, which messed with my mind. One window looked out on a watery blue exterior, with tiny fish swimming by. The other showed a grassy lawn and a boogie tree. All the furniture in here had been piled up against one wall and covered with a sheet.

No sick god.

Over the next several hours, I meditated sitting cross legged on a cushion, and regained a Token using the skill. The Ascendillos thankfully didn’t continue their cryptic and preachy way of speaking, but instead simply settled into a ball in the middle of a ring of reddish stones, and began humming while rocking back and forth. Honestly, it was pretty cute.

Ivy and Regina, in the meantime, found another divine aspect creature who was far less cordial, but just as condescending. These things were called Eelysians and they did not like being asked questions by anyone, let alone humans.

The next day, I was asked to go speak with the Eelysians, who preferred an underwater complex. One of the pure white eels floated around as if the constraints of gravity were laughable, and around it floated a whole school of smaller and thinner than they.

Eelysian

Second Stage Nakamamon

The Eelysians have reached englightenment, and typically reside in remote places where they teach their offspring the same. While not hostile, they look down on all who have yet to understand the divine truths they do.

Typical length: 12–15 feet from nose to tail (large)

Typical weight: 100–200 pounds

Gender: unknown

Aspect: Holy/water

Transformations: unknown → Celesteel → Eelysian

Eelysian has been added to your Nakamadex.

Their compound was likewise gated, and consisted of several ‘buildings’ that appeared to be nothing more than large rocks with crevices littering every surface.

“Greetings!” I called.

The large white moray eel turned a disdainful eye on me, and returned to doing whatever it was doing with the Celesteels.

“I’d like to have a word! I’ve been sent by the mayor…”

Nothing happened at first. The elder I’d seen continued lazily leading their charges along. Then, from behind the wall, a huge moray eel head popped up into view.

“The mayor, you say?” The Eelysian asked.

“That’s correct.”

“To ensure you aren’t yet another disbeliever trying to spread your heinous atheism to our impressionable young, you must tell me the mayor’s name in full.”

“Look, I just need to know—“

“I simply need to know if you know the mayor’s name. You will be free to ask questions after this.”

This is Christopher about to spend Ingenuity Tokens to recall this nonsense.