CHAPTER 55: MY SANITY WAS HEALED BY THIGHS AND A SLAP

After a long trek through the cursed woods—and several unwanted conversations with the whispering trees—they finally reached the outskirts of their destination.

Their home.

Their hell.

Moistvile.

A limp breeze carried the familiar scent of mildew, wet regrets, and despair stew. The long wooden bridge creaked beneath them like it wanted to file a complaint.

Finn carried Majestria, of course. Because walking barefoot on swamp rot was beneath her divine sensibilities.

Chestelle, on the other hand, was completely barefoot and totally fine. She didn’t even flinch when her toes stepped in a puddle that hissed. Probably because of her scaly skin—or because she had the emotional awareness of a rock.

Lickthorn skipped along the grotesque planks like a cheerful little pervert on a picnic. She looked around. "So... this is Moistvile?"

"Yes," Finn muttered, dread coating his words like swamp slime. He didn’t even want to look up.

"Oh, I’ve been here before," Lickthorn said casually. "Didn’t like it much."

Finn froze mid-step. "W-What?! You said back in the forest you’d never been here!"

She giggled. "That’s because you pronounced it wrong, silly~"

He stared at her blankly. "What."

She twirled a strand of hair. "It’s pronounced hoe-ee-til."

Finn blinked. Slowly. Like a man trying to process trauma in real time.

’FUCK THIS FANTASY WORLD!’ He screamed internally.

He wanted to argue. To fight. To slap a dictionary across someone’s face. But the memories of middle school, of mispronouncing "colonel" and getting laughed at, came rushing back. Not today. Not again.

He just... walked faster.

As they crossed the final stretch of bridge into Moistvile proper, the air grew heavier. Not foggy, thankfully. But the moisture still hung like a curse in gas form.

The ground squelched.

And then, just as Finn thought it couldn’t get worse—

"Well look who it be!" came a familiar voice, nasal and crusty. "The boy and girl! And lookie, he brought two more ladyfolk with him!"

The same old man who greeted them the first time stood by the gate. Now barefoot and shirtless. Still smelling like expired cottage cheese fermented in hell.

"Yeah..." Finn said, voice dead.

Then his eyes widened.

"Wait a minute! You! You’re the one who sent us to that piss doctor! That monster traumatized both me and Majestria!"

He glared at the old man like he wanted to throw him into the swamp and baptize him in regret.

Lickthorn tilted her head. "Piss doctor?"

"You mean Doc Piss?" He asked casually. "He’s been closed down for years. Why bring him up?"

Finn’s face froze.

Like, really froze.

A slow, creeping horror crawled down his spine.

He turned his head like a rusty gear, whispering. "...Majestria... please tell me you remember the doctor."

She blinked once, deadpan. "Of course I do. That weirdo threw a piss bottle at us."

Finn let out a shaky sigh. "Oh thank god..."

But then paused.

"...Wait. If he was closed down, then who the hell did we visit?!"

"I don’t know..." the old man muttered, narrowing his crusty eyes. "But you seem like you’ve lost your damn mind since we met. Best I be stayin’ clear of ye."

He waddled away like a sentient grease stain.

Finn’s eye twitched. ’Me? Insane?! You weird, shirtless human toad—’

"Who is Doc Piss?" Lickthorn asked innocently, blinking like a curious ferret.

Finn didn’t even look back. "Don’t worry about it."

He marched forward with the emotional stability of a kicked trash can. They soon reached the spot where the office had been—where Doc Piss definitely threw a bottle of bodily fluids at them.

And the building was gone.

Just... gone.

Not burned down. Not crumbled. Just nonexistent. As if it had never existed in the first place.

Something in Finn snapped.

He stared into the empty space like it owed him money. His breathing went uneven. His vision blurred. His inner monologue began glitching.

And then—squeeze.

Chestelle gently grabbed his ass.

"There, there," she said softly. "Everything will be fine."

Finn didn’t even flinch. A tear rolled down his cheek. "Don’t touch my ass..." he whimpered, stepping away like a violated cat.

In desperation, he turned to Majestria—still riding him like a throne—and pressed his palms onto her thighs, then slowly pushed his face into them.

He stayed like that. Letting her legs envelop his head like divine earmuffs of sanity.

It was warm. Comforting. Sacred.

And it worked.

His mind returned.

Until—SMACK.

Majestria slapped the back of his head.

"Don’t do that again!" she shouted, cheeks red. "Only I get to do that! When I want to or need to!"

Finn looked up—locked eyes with her, nodding solemnly. "Yes, ma’am!"

Whenever you need to...?

He wasn’t going to question it. Or complain. Not about that wondrous gift.

And just like that, Finn’s sanity was fully restored.

All it took was a little emotional breakdown, a disappearing piss clinic, and some divinely enhanced thighs.

And Finn was back—up, running, and slightly deranged, but spiritually refreshed by the holy thighs of his divine tormentor.

With his sanity duct-taped back together and a newfound sense of motivation (mostly driven by the desire to get paid, thighs, laid, and never see another slime again), he marched proudly toward the guild.

Chestelle and Lickthorn followed behind like mismatched ducklings—one with sweet eyes and grabby hands, the other with the perky bounce of someone who definitely shouldn’t be allowed inside government buildings.

Soon, they stood before the large double doors of the Moistvile Guild.

Finn took a deep breath, savoring the moment. The quest was done. His first real adventure completed. He was about to bask in the glory of recognition, gold, and maybe even a free sandwich.

He placed both hands on the doorknobs.

Majestria yawned on his back.

Chestelle looked at her nails, preparing to wave at no one.

Lickthorn licked the doorframe.

With all the confidence of a main character about to deliver his post-battle speech, Finn flung the doors open—

—and stepped into the guild.

Ready for glory. Recognition. Payment.

And probably another traumatic side quest.

But was met with something else...