CHAPTER 58: TOAST TO ARDIN’S COCK—WAIT WHAT?

Finn stood there. Dead inside.

Everyone in the guild muttered horrendous things about him—some out loud, some just loud enough to be painful. It was like being slowly shredded by passive-aggressive gossip.

He had survived demons. Delivered a cursed talking head. Got drop-kicked by a chicken. And for what?

Absolutely nothing.

A part of him wanted to just walk out. Walk into the sunset and never look back.

But he couldn’t exactly do that now—not with three girls following him around like emotionally damaged Dokémonenes.

The other half of him? Yeah, that part wanted to trip Ardin and beat the smug off his stupid, punchable face. But that wouldn’t exactly help the whole "not being hated by everyone" situation.

And then—because of course—Ardin turned dramatically to the receptionist and declared, "Now, where is my compensation for the trauma brought upon me and my noble name?"

The receptionist blinked, then plastered on the fakest smile in all of fake-smile history. "O-of course!" She ducked behind the counter and returned with five gold coins. "Here you go, for your... great works."

Ardin grinned. "Thank you. Glad you came to your senses. You wouldn’t want to lose your job over him." He gestured at Finn like he was pointing at a clump of hair in the drain.

"Haha, no! Of course not!" the receptionist laughed through clenched regret.

"Excellent," Ardin said, turning to the crowd and lifting the five coins above his head like a toddler showing off a macaroni art trophy. "You all saw it, right? This lying thief tried to rob me blind!"

The crowd murmured in collective disgust, all glaring at Finn as if he’d just farted during a funeral.

"But because I’m so great, drinks are on me tonight!" Ardin boomed. "Let’s celebrate!"

"YEAH!" the crowd roared, fists raised, dignity dropped.

Seraphina immediately clung to Ardin’s arm. "You’re so strong, Ardin. So sharp. So cunning. Just like the bul—uh, like the great heroes before you."

Ardin peeled her off with minimal interest. "No, Seraphina. I’m better than them. I am the best."

"Yes, of course you—"

He wasn’t even listening. His eyes had already shifted to Majestria.

He extended a hand like he was about to propose. "Beautiful lady, I saw that he dropped you with no care at all. Are you hurt?"

Majestria blinked. Her lips curled up. "Oh, why thank you! I’m actually feeling quite well, now that you mention it." She basked in the sudden attention.

Finn blinked. "Traitor," he muttered.

Ardin turned to Chestelle and Lickthorn. "And you two fine ladies. Why follow a man so... filthy? So degrading? You deserve better."

Chestelle immediately clung to Finn like an emotional grenade. "Nope. He treats me just right. When we first met, he groped me and saved me. Gave me a home."

Finn’s soul left his body.

Then Lickthorn chimed in with a cheerful grin: "Yeah! He said he liked my flat chest and promised to do anything to me!"

Finn’s soul re-entered his body, shattered into microscopic trauma particles, and imploded.

Ardin’s smile vanished. His eye twitched. "You... kidnapped these poor, beautiful women? Took advantage of them? Sexually insulted—?"

Seraphina raised a brow. "I don’t think they were taken advantage of. If anything, it sounds like the other—"

"SILENCE!" Ardin snapped, whirling toward her. "Don’t tell me you’re siding with them now! After everything I’ve done for you..."

Seraphina instantly shrank. "N-no, of course not."

"Good." Ardin turned back to Majestria, now wearing a smug grin again. He extended his hand gently, trying to lay on the charm. "Come with me. I’ll treat you better. Like a real woman should be treated."

Smack!

Majestria slapped his hand away with zero hesitation. "Do not touch me."

Ardin stared at his hand like it had personally betrayed him.

She had slapped him.

Him.

Majestria crossed her arms, her expression full of divine disdain. "No one touches me unless they’re worthy. And you? Not even close."

Ardin bit his lip, visibly seething. But then, like a sleazy politician shifting gears, he forced a charming smile. "Ah... I see. My mistake, m’lady. Why don’t you join us? My party would treat you far better."

"No," Majestria snapped. "You touched me—and you dared give them attention." She glanced at Chestelle and Lickthorn like they were diseased rodents in heels.

Ardin chuckled, a low, greasy laugh. Like a mafia boss who just got insulted by a street performer. "You’re not that special," he said coolly. "But with me, you could be something more."

Finn blinked. He might’ve treated Majestria like an annoying roommate, but damn. He never went that low.

Majestria looked down... and smiled. But not the good kind. The kind of smile you see right before a city explodes.

"I don’t think I heard you right," she said sweetly. "Would you mind repeating that?"

Finn’s stomach dropped. Oh no. No, no, no...

Her fists began to glow. Her eyes shimmered like she was about to file a divine lawsuit—with lightning.

Ardin scoffed and doubled down. "I said—you’re not that special. But with me, you’d become special."

Finn panicked. "Majestria! You—you look so beautiful today! Did no one tell you how insanely special you are?! Like... dangerously special!"

She blinked and turned. Her bloodlust paused.

"Really?" she asked, arching an eyebrow. "Go on..."

"You’re radiant! Amazing! I—I’m so lucky to have you in my presence! My life has improved just by inhaling the same oxygen as you."

Majestria purred, ego swelling like a balloon in heat. "Mmm... Tell me more. No—kiss my hand."

She held it out dramatically.

Finn kissed it without hesitation.

SMACK!

His head snapped sideways.

"You took too long," she hissed.

Finn clutched his cheek, mentally adding that to the growing list of traumas. But hey, at least she wasn’t blowing up the entire guild.

Ardin looked at Finn like he was the human equivalent of mildew. "You’ll regret this, loser boy..." he muttered, then stormed off.

Seraphina gave them one last conflicted glance—caught between confusion, pity, and subtle arousal—before sighing and following after Ardin into the cheering crowd.

"TO ARDIN!" someone yelled.

"TO HIS MASSIVE COCK—CHARACTER!" someone else added.

The guild erupted in celebration. Praise, laughter, tankards clinking. Ardin soaked it up like the arrogant wet sponge he was.

Meanwhile, Finn stood there.

Cheek red. Soul crushed. Surrounded by three lunatics. No gold. No glory. Just shame, bruises, and women who ruined his life affectionately.

Then—

A voice cut through the noise.

Soft. Clear.

And directed at him.

"Hey... you."

Finn turned.

Eyes locking with someone unexpected.