CHAPTER 97: BY THE HOLY OVARIES OF CELESTIA

"OH MY GOD!!"

Finn screamed, clutching the edges of Chestelle—who was still in chest form and plummeting like a meteor. Lickthorn hovered beside him, windblown and shrieking like a goblin in a washing machine.

They were heading directly toward Seraphina.

The Sacred Blades of Hope watched, frozen in wide-eyed horror. Ardin, meanwhile, was still busy wiping white slime off his armor, grumbling about "hero taxes" or something.

Seraphina turned just in time to scream, "BY THE HOLY OVARIES OF CELESTIA—!"

BOOM!

Chestelle slammed into the ground at full force, annihilating whatever poor slimes or anyone who were dumb enough to still be standing around.

Finn catapulted forward, tumbling like a sack of laundry off Chestelle and smacking the ground hard—probably breaking a pinky in the process.

"Ughhh," he groaned, writhing in pain.

But then... he saw it.

Just off to the right, standing proud, glistening under the dim bioluminescent slime-light—was the Slime Melo.

A glorious little bean perched atop a stem, dark blue and radiant. Finn’s eyes widened. He’d made it. After all the pain, chaos, and perverted side quests... he had reached the promised land.

He immediately began crawling on all fours, wheezing like a goblin who just spotted a golden chicken nugget.

"Precious..." he muttered.

He reached out, trembling fingers quivering in the slimey air...

And then—contact.

Finger met Melo. A union so sacred it could rewrite cosmic balance.

The bean was smooth. Firm. But still... just the right amount of squish.

It was oddly satisfying.

Finn lifted it from the flobrout, cradling it like it was the Holy Grail of Slimedom.

He turned his head, eyes darting across the battlefield.

Chestelle, still in chest form, lay mouth agape in a puddle of slime like someone had just thrown her from a truck.

Lickthorn was splayed out in a shallow slime stream, floating like a drunk at a waterpark.

And Seraphina—poor, sacred Seraphina—stood trembling. Her staff lay on the ground, her legs shaking violently. She stared at the newcomers like they’d just risen from a cursed musical.

Then—

"FINN! YOU BETTER LIVE UP TO YOUR PAYMENT AFTER ALL OF THIS!"

Finn glanced up.

There, high above on the cliff, stood Majestria—hands on hips, her divine figure framed by the glowing cave walls. Her voice echoed like divine judgment.

He gave her a thumbs-up, proudly holding the Slime Melo aloft like he’d just won the interdimensional lottery.

And for a brief second—just a tiny one—Majestria smiled.

A faint, pleased smirk.

He got it. And for once... she approved.

But, as always, their wholesome chaos came to an abrupt and screeching halt.

Because of course... Ardin had to open his mouth.

Still wiping the second helping of white goo off his cheek—courtesy of Lickthorn—Ardin wore a face of pure disgust, like someone had just sneezed into his soul.

"Who in their right mind—?!" He glanced toward the crash site. His eyes landed on Finn.

And the disgust quickly turned into unfiltered rage.

"You..."

Finn, meanwhile, had both hands stuffed with Slime Melos, grinning like a man who just robbed a candy store and got away with it. He pocketed one more bean before flashing a smug salute.

"Hello there."

Ardin stormed toward him, nostrils flaring. He shoved Seraphina to the side without a second thought, making her stumble slightly.

"You snot-nosed little rat..."

Finn narrowed his eyes.

"Why do you treat her like garbage?"

Ardin scoffed, not even looking back at Seraphina. "Why does it matter to you? What business do you even have being here? Interrupting a crucial part of our quest?" His voice dripped with righteous condescension, the type only delusional chosen ones could muster.

"Let me guess—you’re trying to steal my glory again? Hijack another victory and slither away with the fame?"

He bared his stupidly perfect, pearl-white teeth in a snarl.

Finn just stood there, arms crossed, unimpressed. "What’s it to you? I’m here on official slime business."

Ardin rolled his eyes.

"Official? Don’t make me laugh. What important mission could possibly justify your presence in this sacred battlefield?"

Without a word, Finn held up a Slime Melo. It jiggled shined somewhat in the air. For some reason.

"To get these bad boys."

Ardin stared in disbelief.

"...You’re joking."

"Nope."

"You really are a fool."

"Says you, shiny-pants."

The tension was building, the kind of standoff that usually led to someone getting kicked in the face.

But before either could launch a dramatic anime-style attack...

RUMMMMMBLE.

A low quake rolled through the cave.

The slime on the ground rippled. Pebbles trembled. Even Chestelle let out a soft creak from chest-form.

Everyone went still.

Seraphina looked around, clutching her staff. Raze blinked and muttered, "Someone’s inner demons are showing, hmph."

Finn froze.

"...Was that you?"

Ardin frowned.

"No. Was it you?"

Then—

Another rumble.

Louder.

Heavier.

Wet.

Somewhere deeper in the cavern, a sickening squelch echoed.

Something had woken up.

The rumbling didn’t stop. In fact—it got worse. Louder. Heavier. Angrier.

Whatever was coming... it wasn’t friendly. And it definitely wasn’t small.

The ground shook violently, forcing everyone to stumble. Some nearly lost their footing completely.

Then—

"AAAAAAHH—YOU STUPID PLANET!"

Majestria screamed as the cliff beneath her crumbled, sending her tumbling off with zero elegance.

THUD.

She hit the ground below with a loud grunt and an undignified pose. Her legs were in the air like a broken action figure.

Ardin whipped his head toward Finn, enraged. "LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID! Your idiotic stunt triggered all of this!"

Finn casually dusted off his hands, unconcerned. "I don’t know. Feels more like you pissed off the cave."

"You arrogant—!"

Suddenly—

ROOOOOAAAARRRR!!!

A monstrous bellow erupted from deep within the cavern, silencing everything.

It echoed through the chamber like a god vomiting thunder.

Everyone froze.

Some of the Sacred Blades clutched their weapons. Others just turned pale.

Even Lickthorn stopped wriggling in the slime.

Finn glanced around, then at the shaking slime ground beneath his feet.

"...Yup. That’s my cue."

He leapt across the small slime river, aiming to get as far away from the roar as possible.

But the universe, as always, had a middle finger reserved just for him.

CRACK—!

The ground beneath Finn gave out. A section of the floor caved in violently.

"OH COME ON—!"

He plummeted.

"Oh my panties!!" Seraphina screamed, reaching out toward Ardin—who promptly backed away. She flailed uselessly as gravity claimed her, plummeting straight to the hole with a squeal.

Now—

The floor swallowing them both whole.

Down into the darkness.

Their screams echoed as they disappeared into the depths below.

Then silence.

Followed by the faint, wet sound of more slime bubbling somewhere deep.