CHAPTER 49: YOU’RE MY ONLY FAMILY, THEO.

"Try to read this text, Le An."

When Mr. Qui returned to Le An’s room the morning after the investigation, nothing was left of yesterday’s cold and eerily calm demeanor.

As Le An took the paper Mr. Qui handed to him, still groggy from just waking up, he looked even more pitiful in Mr. Qui’s eyes as he examined the paper with sluggish movements.

Le An looked tired and pale enough to stir even more public outrage against the government and GAC when people saw him. Mr. Qui sighed in frustration. "Damn it. Come on, read."

Le An cleared his throat before reading what was on the paper and began. "...Hello dear citizens, two days ago... huff, the previous terror a-attack..."

"Enough!" As pain scorched through Le An’s throat, he simply let Mr. Qui snatch the paper from his hands in fury. Mr. Qui flung the paper to his secretary and brought a hand to his forehead.

"There’s a group of nearly three hundred people downstairs who want to see you, and several groups of espers at a few institutions are gathering to go on strike starting today because we failed to protect you. And you can’t even speak properly, yet you’re supposed to give a press statement! Damn it!"

While Le An watched the secretary pick up the paper from the floor, a nurse walked in through the door carrying a tray with ointment, medicine, and cotton. Theo took the tray from her and walked toward Le An. "Under these conditions, Le An can’t make a speech, Mr. Qui," said Theo in a reserved tone. "Maybe another way should be considered."

As Mr. Qui nodded at Theo’s words, he asked without taking his eyes off Le An. "Can you at least walk?"

"Yes."

Le An felt secretly relieved that he wouldn’t be able to speak. But judging from what Mr. Qui was dealing with and the news, people wanted to see him with their own eyes, to know he was okay.

The government and GAC attributed the loss caused by the security breach that day to a terrorist organization receiving support from both inside and outside. In addition, since Le An narrowly escaped death in public view, this statement led to a consensus among the public that the government and GAC were incompetent. People considered the explanations and security measures inadequate.

Le An managed to look into Mr. Qui’s watchful eyes for a while, but then looked away, only for Mr. Qui to step closer, grab his chin, and examine his face. "Hm... Your face doesn’t look too bad. Get up and walk."

Le An let his legs hang off the side of the bed, stood up, and took a few steps in the room.

"Walk more upright," said Mr. Qui. One of the bruises on Le An’s abdomen made it difficult for him to straighten his torso, as if it were stabbing into his lungs.

Le An slowly straightened his spine and placed a hand on his abdomen, let out a breath in pain, but after a few more upright steps, he finally managed to satisfy Mr. Qui. "Alright, this will do. I’ll arrange downstairs, have them get something proper for you to wear," said Mr. Qui, straightening Le An’s hair and clothes like fixing up a doll. "You look like a sick child in that hospital gown."

Le An looked at Mr. Qui’s face with passive frustration, nodded without reacting, and sat back on the bed. Theo walked around the bed, passed between them, and placed the tray onto the nightstand with an audible clink. "We’ll change Le An’s bandages first."

"Alright, just smile and wave, Le An. That’s all you need to do. We’ll present the fact that you’re not being taken outside as a safety measure."

Too overwhelmed to give them any more attention, Mr. Qui took the constantly ringing phone from his secretary’s hand and left the room while answering the call.

When Le An heard the name Mr. Qui said as he picked up the call, he tuned in. "Ms. Maleah, I hope you’re well. I heard from your secretary that you’re receiving treatment..."

Once the door closed completely, Theo noticed Le An’s interest in the call, and soon after, Le An turned and asked him. "Was Ms. Maleah also injured during the attack?"

While Theo gently removed Le An’s bandages, he nodded, his face sweating. Le An looked at the beads of sweat forming on Theo’s forehead, but his mind was stuck on Ms. Maleah. "How badly was she injured?"

"One of the attackers stabbed her while leaving the building," Theo said, and Le An furrowed his brows, falling into thought.

Amidst the chaos, Le An had witnessed one of the attackers seemingly recognize Ms. Maleah and deliberately stop short of killing her. Stabbed? Was she really stabbed?

"Is she... here too?" Le An asked.

Theo smiled and, setting aside the old bandages to be replaced, leaned in with a cotton ball to apply ointment to Le An’s wounds one by one. "No, she has her own private hospital, Le An. She’s being treated at her own hospital."

Le An nodded. Getting fake treatment at her own hospital must be easy, right? If she shut a few doctors and the hospital board up, she could make everyone believe anything.

"Looks like an expensive gift."

"It can feed a whole village for a month."

Ms. Maleah’s words only further supported Le An’s suspicions that she, too, was working with the outskirts. And... if she was with Taras...

That possibility was exactly why Le An hadn’t mentioned her name too during the interrogation.

Ms. Maleah had probably deliberately led him to the center of the balcony, to the most strategic spot where he could be captured from every angle. And to avoid looking like part of the plan, the first possibility was that she claimed to be injured too.

"Ow..." Le An flinched as Theo pressed the cotton soaked in iodine gently onto a scratch on his arm.

At that moment, Le An noticed Theo’s hand trembling. "Theo?"

Cold sweat was running down Theo’s face.

When he heard Le An flinch in pain, he pulled the cotton back and met his eyes briefly before looking away. "I’m sorry, did I press too hard with the cotton?"

Le An pushed down the hand holding the cotton and sat up straighter, then touched Theo’s bowed face with his hand. Le An’s palm, which was at a normal temperature, felt cool on Theo’s face, and that cool touch melted Theo inside.

"You’re... you’re burning up!" Le An began looking over Theo. "Theo, you..."

"It’s just a minor injury, Le An." As Theo placed the cotton on the nightstand, Le An noticed that he couldn’t fully stretch the muscles between his back and lower waist.

"..." Le An’s heart raced tightly, and kneeling on the bed, he leaned in to touch Theo’s back.

Theo smiled as he gently pushed his hand away and, for the first time, looked directly at Le An’s face. "Le An, really..."

"I’ll look." When Le An reached out again, his fingertips felt that Theo’s lower back was wrapped in a wide bandage. Panic overtook Le An’s mind, and Theo’s name came out of his mouth in a trembling breath. "Theo..."

Though the smile on Theo’s face faded as if surrendering, when he looked at the worry and moisture in Le An’s eyes, he felt filled with a joy that made him forget all his pain. Despite everything, Le An was worried about him; he could still look at him with such eyes.

Le An was asking Theo more questions than he had in days, looking at him with intense, sincere eyes as he used to.

He began lifting Theo’s shirt to see the bandage, and Theo let him. "Turn toward me, w-when did this happen?"

"When I used my own field to counter the serpentine force that was strangling you."

When Le An’s fingers touched the infected stain seeping through the bandage, his hands froze on Theo’s bare back, and the sensation tickled Theo inside. Le An’s sudden exclamation was the only thing that could snap him out of the state he was in.

"You tried to break a force field with your own force field? How could you do that, Theo! Without even knowing from what distance the opposing esper projected their field..."

"This is my job, Le An." Theo looked into Le An’s flushed, angry face and repeated seriously. "This is my job. At that moment, that was the thing to do to get you out of that."

"..." Le An looked at Theo’s face for a while, his breathing turning even more hoarse and strained as if he couldn’t accept it. "It didn’t have to be like that, something else could’ve..."

"Le An..." While dazed by the way Le An’s hands moved over his back, Theo wanted nothing more from this moment than for Le An to come closer and worry more for him. But the weight and guilt of what he had done to the owner of those pure eyes stopped him from wanting more. "I..."

Theo raised his head and once again looked at Le An’s face with eyes full of apology. After everything he had made him go through, he had failed to protect him too. All this, to Theo, was a wound deeper than the stupid injury on his back.

Le An’s already weakened body had grown even thinner, now covered in fresh bruises and shallow cuts. Silently looking at him, Theo’s chest tightened at the sight. He couldn’t even swallow past the rage swelling in his throat, his anger at himself.

I should have protected him, he thought. These wounds... on his skin... It was unbearable.

Le An’s fingers twitched and gripped Theo’s back. Something crumbled inside his heart, and in Theo’s gaze, he understood everything he meant but couldn’t say. A few strips of Theo’s bandage slid down, and a deep, unevenly stitched wound came into Le An’s view.

And with that sight, Le An felt ready to release his anger and turmoil he had been carrying, no matter how right it had been; he just couldn’t continue to bear it.

So, Le An pulled Theo into his arms and hugged him tightly, as if clinging to him.

This wound... could have been fatal. He could’ve died.

As Le An’s ears started to pound, the possibility that Theo could’ve died completely shattered his balance. "You, Theo, you..."

Theo stood frozen in the thin arms wrapping around him, hesitating even to breathe in Le An’s scent. But when his own arms wrapped around Le An’s body, Theo realized Le An was trembling in an unusual way. "Le An?"

When he tried to pull back to check on him, Le An clung tighter and shook his head. "You’re my only... You can’t die. Theo, I mean it. I..."

When Le An suddenly began guiding Theo, Theo’s body jerked as if thrown from searing heat into cool water. "Ha... Le An, don’t push yourself."

"..."

"Le An." Theo finally gently pushed up Le An’s hidden head by his forehead and saw his frightened face. His heart ached at the sight, and Theo made a confession he had been holding in for days.

"Le An, me and everyone else, we exist for you and we would die for you."

"No," Le An’s face flushed even redder as he struggled not to strain Theo’s body. Before he could interrupt, Theo repeated firmly. "We would die. Every one of us. This is our job. I... and the others, we’ve devoted our lives to you. Whatever it may be, your well-being means the most to us in this world. Do you understand?"

..." Le An helplessly nodded and buried his face in Theo’s neck again. As Theo stroked Le An’s hair, he felt a little relief in saying the hardest things without making eye contact.

"Le An. I can’t guarantee what I’m capable of doing. I’ll do everything for your sake. Even if it’s something we disagree on, even if it hurts me or kills me, even if it ruins things between us-"

"Please." Le An slowly lifted his head and said something that stopped Theo’s mind. "You’re my only family, Theo."

Family. Even if this word warmed Theo’s heart, the part of him that wanted more ached with the burn of it. As Theo caressed Le An’s face, he looked helplessly at those eyes that didn’t know he wouldn’t be satisfied just being family.

Theo wanted to be the one Le An leaned on, the one he kissed, and shared his heats with. The one he loved. Theo stared at Le An’s lips that had just said the word family, as if they were the most unattainable object of desire in the world.

And he couldn’t say ’you’re my family too’. He couldn’t say it back.

Le An finally added another sentence. "Let’s forget what happened between us. L-let’s go back to how we were. Alright?"

By saying what Theo meant to him, Le An was silently begging him not to do such a thing again. He wanted to trust him again. "Please."

Theo nodded. But no words came from his lips. He tightly hugged Le An, as if it was his answer.

Let me hold you in the only way I’m able to, Le An.

He couldn’t make a promise. He wouldn’t and couldn’t promise that he wouldn’t do something like that again to Le An.

Le An’s heart was forced to face the fear of losing Theo, despite the lack of trust, he still wanted to forgive him.

Because... He had no one else to hold on to.

Le An shut his eyes tightly and pushed the image of Theo forcing him into icy water deep into the recesses of his mind. He held on tightly to Theo. Even if he didn’t feel entirely safe, even if he knew the issue still wasn’t resolved, he was still the only one he could cling to. And Le An didn’t want to lose him.