bChapter 90/bb: /bbLa /bbPOV /b

    I’m in socks and an oversized hoodie, and my ss of red wine might as well be truth serum, as we sit in the dimly lit living roomter that night. Tessa’s curled up across from me with her own half-

    empty ss.

    Mason had gone down easier than usual tonight. It only took one book and two songs. There were no requests for extra water, extra hugs, or ast–minute existential question about where dreams

    The house is quiet, soft music ying on the TV, and the kitchen light is low.

    I’m on the couch with my legs folded underneath me as I swirl my ss like I have all the answers to the questions that gue me. Newssh: I don’t.

    “Okay,” Tessa says, her voice casual, as she pulls the fleecy nket tighter around her, “Tell me why you’re scowling into your Merlot like it owes you money or personally offended you.”

    I exhale dramatically before murmuring, “It’s Cade.”

    “Ah. And which vor of slow–burn chaos is he?” she asks with a soft smile.

    “The flirty one,” answer her with a smirk.

    Tessa grins, “You’ll have to narrow it down some more for me.”

    Iugh despite myself, “The one with thezy charm and golden retriever energy.”

    “Got it. What’d he do? Or was it something he didn’t do?” she asks, as she leans forward, giving me

    her full attention.

    “He…didn’t do anything,” I say, “That’s the problem.”

    Her brow lifts, confused as hell, “I’m gonna need more than that, sweetie.”

    I take a sip, letting it sit on my tongue for a bit, as I gather my thoughts, “We had this…moment at the lookout this afternoon. He brought takeout and made meugh. He said something about how the room next to his is empty and echoes, and is extremely distracting.” I pause for a breath before continuing, “And asked if I knew someone who might be fed up with their temporary lodgings… And then he kissed me like I’m the sole reason for his existence.”

    Tessa doesn’t speak; she just tilts her head and waits me out, knowing there’s more on my mind.

    I hate how good she’s at that.

    “I wanted more,” I admit softly.

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    Chapter 90: La POV

    “That’s why you’re panicking?” she asks, not in a judgy way, but in genuine curiosity so she can decide on what advice to give me.

    40A

    I nod slowly and reluctantly, adding, “As he was kissing me, I could see myself waking up in their house daily, with all four of them doting on me and plying me with kisses and affection by the

    boatload.”

    She suddenly stands, walks over to me, and drops onto the couch beside me, her ss still in her hand and her gaze steady. “Why does that scare you?” she asks then.

    “I don’t know if I want to run from it…or let it happen. Because who moves in with four guys with whom they’re romantically involved mere weeks after they’ve met?” I say while fidgeting with an imaginary piece of fluff on my one sock.

    Tessa’s quiet for a beat before asking, “Do you trust him? Do you trust them?”

    My answer is quick and instinctual, “Yes.”

    “And do you feel safe when you’re with them?”

    I nod, not quite sure where she’s going with this.

    “And do you feel iseen /iby them?” she continues.

    That one takes a bit longer to answer, but then ites with a certain level of certainty: “Yeah, I

    do.”

    She then raises her ss and points it at me as if that was the answer I’ve been looking for the whole time. “Then what you’re feeling isn’t panic, babe. It’s recognition.”

    I blink at her in confusion before asking, “What?”

    “It’s your body remembering what safe feels like and now it’s freaking out because it no longer

    needs to have all its walls and armor in ce.b” /b

    My eyes sting with unspoken emotionb, /bso I take another sip to distract myself.

    Tessa leans her shoulder into mine and then says gently, “You’ve survived a lot in a short period. You’re allowed to feel good without working for it.”

    I let her words settle around us/taking them in and rolling them around in my thoughts.

    “I think I’m falling for all of them,” I confess eventually, “At different speeds, and in different ways.”

    She doesn’t flinch at my confession, and only says, “And that’s perfectly fine. Nobody loves and needs love in the exact same way as anyone else on this. Do what feels right for you, and

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    Chapter 90: La POV

    screw the rest who dares to judge you.”

    The next day, after a long shift at Beantree, I’m halfway to Tessa’s front door when AJ speaks behind me, “Come with me.”

    I freeze on the porch with my fingers still tangled in my keys as he steps into view a secondter, his hoodie sleeves again shoved to his elbows, and his hair still damp like he’s just showered. There’s no smile on his face, but he doesn’t look upset or mad either, which makes me wonder what this is

    about.

    I raise a brow at him, saying, “That’s not much of a sales pitch, Mr. Rhodes.”

    “I didn’t offer you something in turn for you toe with me. I asked,” he answers with no inflection, shrugging his shoulders.

    “Did you really, though?” I ask skeptically, tilting my head.

    His mouth twitches as he answers me with, “Fine. I told you.” ulliI should tell him I’m tired after a long day and politely decline, maybe even ask for a raincheck. But instead, I tuck my keys back into my pocket and follow him. /li/ul

    We don’t talk much as we stroll side by side as he cuts through the alley behind Beantree, goes past the oldmunity center, and towards the university’s older buildings–the ones with fading ques and rusting fences that no one really cares about anymore.

    He stops at an old, dpidated–looking staircase tucked away between two facebrick walls.

    “You’re not about to murder me, are you?” I ask suspiciously as I squint at the top of the stairs.

    “If I were, I wouldn’t make you do cardio first,” he says with the slightest bit of humor,

    “How considerate of you,” I say sarcastically to his back as he takes his first step up.

    He climbs halfway up before ncing back at me, with a look of challenge that says, ‘Well, are youing?‘. I roll my eyes and then follow him wordlessly.

    The rooftop isn’t fancy in any sense of the word. It’s mainly gravel and concrete with a few old air

    vents off to the side.

    But the view? It’s a quiet kind of magic that makes my eyes struggle to focus on one specific point of beauty. From here, you can see the town and its winding roads, even the edge of the forest, and the

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    Chapter 90: La POV

    buttes off into the distance. It’s the kind of view that makes everything feel farther away.

    *.40%

    I step closer to the ledge with my hands in my own hoodie pockets, asking, “Is this where youe when the world’s too loud?”

    “Sometimes,” he says from behind me, “And sometimes, I juste here to remember.”

    I turn around and see AJ leaning back against one of the vents, his arms crossed over his chest. He doesn’t move when I look at him; he only looks back at me with a contemtive look in his eyes, as if deciding something inside that head of his.

    “Remember?” I ask, genuinely curious.

    Without answering, he slowly reaches into his hoodie pocket, pulls something out, and holds it out to me in his outstretched palm.

    I step closer for a better look, and a small, folded piece of notebook paperes into view. It’s worn,

    yellowed, and soft at the corners, as if folded and unfolded numerous times.

    I take it from him slowly and tentatively open it, then freeze as the words on the pagee into

    view.

    It’s a note I had written to him in crayon, with horrendous spelling, and decorated with stars and

    uneven hearts.

    * ‘To AJ. You can’t sit with the mean boys anymore. Sit with me forever. – La, Age 7‘ * olli1. /li/ol

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