CHAPTER 165: I-IS LEO... NOT A GOOD BOY, MOTHER?

Leo’s POV

"C-Caelindra..."

I muttered, barely able to say her name, and the next thing I saw... her sword was on my neck.

Before I could even breathe, everything turned dark... My vision fell apart like an old T.V. shutting down, sparks of light flickering, then gone.

I... I died?

...

What did I do?

Caelindra... my pride.

I... I... all this time, I searched for her.

I searched through endless nights, clawed through pain and doubt, only to find where she was, only to bring her back to the place I swore we’d call home... Our home.

I knew... deep down, I knew she wasn’t the same anymore. Yet this fragile, pathetic heart of mine whispered lies... no, not lies, but desperate hopes.

It told me that somewhere inside, my Caelindra still remained.

Somewhere in there, waiting for me to call her name.

How could I be sure?

I don’t know... I never knew.

It was just— even when our connection was severed, even when the bond shattered, I still felt it.

I truly felt it... she was there, drowning in a calm ocean. Not thrashing, not screaming, but sinking quietly as if she had given up. She could swim back. She could breathe if she only reached for the surface. Yet her arm was outstretched, asking for help.

So I went for her... to search for her... to find her... and... and...

I never understood what love was.

What it meant to be held.

What it meant to be protected.

What it meant to be guided.

She was the first woman who ever stepped into my life.

Sure, maybe it was her duty, her responsibility, yet within that duty I saw more.

I saw a girl... no, a woman, who stood behind me when no one else did. Who reached into the cracks of my broken self and steadied me when I swayed.

She guided me when I was confused, when I couldn’t endure, when my chest was full of anger I couldn’t control. I lashed out at her, spitting words, thinking I was so hurt and greater a human than she was.... But I never once understood the storm she endured alone.

Even then, even when my pride screamed louder than reason, she didn’t take it to heart.

She just... just guided me, with a quiet patience, with eyes that looked at me as though I wasn’t hopeless.

She saw me as if I could still understand her. As if my words, my tantrums, my pathetic rage, were nothing more than the cries of a lost child.

She protected me... Again and again, she protected me.

Even until the very last moment, she chose me over herself. She gave her life for me... for me, a useless boy who could not do anything right.

A boy who could only steal scraps, stumble through failures, and stare at men who looked down at me as if I were nothing more than a bug beneath their boot.

If Pride... if she were still here, I know she would have cut Sakura’s parents’ throats without hesitation.

She wouldn’t have sat there, silent, listening while my pride was crushed. She would have stood, fearless, blade in hand, and reminded the world who she was. Yet that time... that time I was utterly powerless.

I shouted at my family—the ones who were trying to help me. I raised my voice against them, but when it came to those bastards who sneered, who looked down on me, I had nothing.

No strength... No courage... No voice.

As if they were the truth not my own family and friends!

Haha... so pathetic. Just like she said... I was so pathetic!

Nothing had changed back in the orphanage. None of it ever changed. It was me.

Always me.

Leo.

The same loser who was destined to lose everything.

The darkness flickered before me, curling and twisting like smoke, and as I looked up, I saw... my life unspooling before me.

Each moment reeled past my eyes.

They say when you die... You see your past.

Ha... I smiled weakly, lips trembling, as I saw it all. The things that happened to me.

The things I wanted to forget... The things that never left!

I was a child who was discarded by my parents when I was born... I was already at the orphanage’s gate.

I saw an old woman picking me up, cradling me with tender care that not even my parents gave me... she held me close, whispering things I could not yet understand, but her warmth told me everything.

She cared so much that I grew attached to her almost instantly, clinging to her voice, her hands, her presence.

"Leo! Stop running in the hall!" she shouted.

Yet, I giggled and ran even more, circling around her, "Mother, catch me if you can~!" I patted my butt with a cheeky smile.

"Brat!" she barked furiously, her voice sharp enough to make me jolt and dash away even faster.

"Oh God, help me~ Mother’s angry~" I cried out with a gleaming smile as I bolted down the corridor.

When I glanced behind me, I saw her standing there. She shook her head with disappointment. "Ah... what do I do with this child?" she murmured. Even though her face wore an annoyed expression, her lips betrayed her, curling upward in a reluctant smile.

Life was fun... really fun, even if I didn’t have parents, even if I didn’t get the things most children received.

I... I was content with what I had.

That’s what God gave me!

God wouldn’t let a child suffer, right?

He loves all of them equally.

Yet somewhere deep in my heart, a hollow ache stirred whenever I saw children around me getting adopted. Their faces lit with happiness, eyes glowing as they proudly announced their new families to everyone.

Every time Mother finished teaching lessons, I would slip away and stand at the gate, waiting... hoping.

Watching for someone to come.

If a couple arrived, I thought I would be the first one they noticed, right?

It would be easy for them to pick me if I acted like a good boy, smiling, polite, and obedient.

A perfect little child.

Don’t mistake me, I did love my Mother... but I... I wanted something she could never give.

I wanted someone who loved only me.

Sure, Mother loved me, but she loved all her children equally... And somewhere inside, I hated that.

Call me selfish or cruel if you want, but I... I just wanted a family that poured all their love into me, that gave me everything without sharing it with anyone else.

A family that held me tighter than anyone else, so tight that I would never fear being left again.

"Hello! There are so many kids here... how about taking one with you?" I shouted, my small face pressed between the iron bars of the gate as I called to the adults passing by.

The Gatekeeper sighed, weary, as if he had dealt with this scene too many times before. He leaned back and closed his eyes, choosing to ignore me.

Seeing no man or woman approach, I puffed my cheeks and shouted again.

"You can buy one and get two free!"

I raised two tiny fingers with all the confidence of a salesman, grinning.

The people finally turned to look at me. But instead of smiling, their faces twisted in shock, even horror.

I tilted my head, confused.

Why horrified?

That would help us, right?

Why shock?

The gatekeeper flinched as he shouted, "You brat, what the hell are you shouting?! I am going to call the Mother!" He barked and raised his stick as if ready to beat me.

"Shit!" I yelped instinctively.

"Language!!" he roared again.

Anyway... soon, I got the interest of someone.

"Hey, hello cutie~"

I froze. A couple was walking through the gate. My heart jumped, and I immediately beamed with a wide smile, bowing my head as properly as I could.

"Welcome to our humble orphanage!"

The gatekeeper’s lips twitched. I heard him mutter something under his breath, definitely about me.

Probably calling me a little devil again.

"Oh?" The couple looked surprised, taken aback by my manners.

Perfect—that’s what I wanted. I rushed forward and proposed myself as their guide, tugging them along with eager hands. I talked and talked, filling the silence with stories about the orphanage, about myself, about anything that might keep their eyes on me.

Especially telling them about the other children’s bad habits... heheh~

"You are so sweet~ What’s your name, child?" the woman asked with a beautiful smile. Her voice was soft, kind, the kind I imagined a mother would have.

"M-My name is Leo," I said with an embarrassed tone. This was the first time a couple had asked me for my name.

Am I... am I going to get a new family?

"Leo? So sweet," she said as she reached down and pinched my cheeks.

Hehe... my cheeks burned hot as my little body twisted shyly.

She turned her head toward her husband, who nodded silently, as if approving something only they shared.

My heart squeezed.

She then asked in a curious tone, "What about that friend of yours? The one who rarely speaks, the shy one?"

"Oh? His name’s John. He only speaks to me because I talk to him a lot. He’s a silent guy and... Bomber~" I giggled at the end and grabbed my nose.

She looked at me with a big smile before nodding her head and walking toward her husband. The two leaned close, whispering into each other’s ears, their voices too low for me to catch.

My lips curled up on their own. My eyes turned misty. My heart beat so fast I thought it might burst. My legs trembled beneath me. I could barely contain my happiness... barely!

"YAY!!—"

I couldn’t control it. The shout slipped out of me. They turned and saw me, and instead of frowning, they chuckled... It was warm, as if they found me endearing. My cheeks burned even hotter.

That evening, I packed everything I had into my little bag.

"Oh, you’re going now?" my friends asked, voices heavy with disbelief.

"Yup! John, I’m getting adopted—unlike you, Bomber~" I teased him with a grin.

"Are they good?" he asked softly, his eyes searching mine.

"Yup!" I answered without hesitation, hugging my bag tighter.

"Are they rich?"

"Yup~"

"Do they buy many chocolates?"

"Yup~ Yup~"

"Do... you not see us anymore?"

"Yu..." I turned to my friends who were staring at me with teary eyes, their small hands clutching their shirts as if holding back the fear of being left behind.

"Of course not... I would never do that." My voice trembled as I forced a smile, even though my chest felt heavy.

"T-That’s what others who left before said too."

"..."

Yeah... once you leave this place, others were forgotten like an old toy tossed into the corner.

But I would never do that. I clenched my tiny fist so hard my nails pressed into my palm.

"I would never do that... I will visit every Sunday to play with you all, I promise... John." I raised my pinky finger, the gesture shaking, and made a promise with all of my friends here.

My heart swore it louder than my lips ever could.

"Also bring big chocolates, okay?"

"Hha... of course, of course!! John," I nodded with a smirk, trying to look brave for them.

Everything was going perfectly...

Yet,

"Sorry, Leo... they adopted another child," Mother said with a painful expression.

I blinked, stunned, as the bag on my back slid down to the floor. My throat tightened. My eyes grew misty before I even realised it. I scratched my head desperately, forcing out a laugh, "H-aha... I... I see... I... I..."

But the tears wouldn’t wait.

They spilled... down my cheeks.

"M-May I know the reason, M-Mother?" My voice cracked, small and shaking.

I rubbed my eyes with my palms, smearing tears across my skin, but no matter how hard I tried, my vision kept getting blurred and blurred again until I could barely see her face.

Mother immediately kneeled down in front of me with her weakened body and hugged me tightly. She didn’t say anything, but the silence hurt more than any answer could.

My nose kept running, my breath hitching, my chest heaving against her arms.

"M-Mother... did I do something wrong?"

"No, dear." Her voice was faint, trembling, like she was holding her own tears back.

"Did... snifffff... did I anger them somehow?"

"N-No."

"T-Then... sniff, sniff... then... why?"

She bit her lips until they turned pale, but she didn’t say anything at all. She only hugged me tighter, her arms shaking as though she feared I might shatter if she let go.

"I-Is Leo... not a good boy, Mother?"

My lips quivered as I looked at her eyes and begged... begged for the answer I never understood before, begged for the truth that would stop the ache in my chest.

"Aw... Leo!" She cried then, her voice breaking, hugging me tighter and tighter, as if her arms alone could stop me from drowning in the emptiness that had opened inside. And... and...

..... That was the last time I saw her crying... The very next day, I stared at the ground as the funeral went on for my mother.