He swings away from the table and Mum gives a tiny smile.

    MY SERENE AND LOVING FAMILY—FILM TRANSCRIPTAdvertisement

    INTERIOR. 5 ROSEWOOD CLOSE. DAY.

    The camera approaches the garage doors. Inside we find Dad dressed in leathers, holding a guitar connected to a massive amp. Frank is standing nearby, holding a bass, looking dismal.

    DAD

    (enthusiastically)

    So let’s jam. Just play around, have some fun.

    He plays a showy guitar riff.

    DAD

    You know “For Her, For Me”?

    FRANK

    What?

    DAD

    “For Her, For Me.” It’s our best-known song.

    He looks a little hurt.

    DAD

    I sent you the link? I have a solo on that track.

    He plays another showy guitar riff.

    FRANK

    Right. Er…I don’t know it.

    DAD

    What do you know?

    FRANK

    I know the theme tune to LOC.

    He starts to play it, but Dad shakes his head impatiently.

    DAD

    We want to play real music. OK, we’ll just jam over the chord structure. Keep it simple. Intro—C E, F, G, chorus in double time—D minor, F, C for two beats, chorus repeats with a G chord for a pickup to go into the verse.

    Frank stares at him in panic.

    FRANK

    What?

    DAD

    Just feel it. You’ll be fine. A one, a two, a one-two-three-four.

    A cacophony of music hits the air as both start playing. Dad starts singing in a screechy voice.

    DAD

    For her…for meeeeee…Comin’ round again…

    (shouts above music)

    You do backing, Frank.

    For her, for meeeee…

    He launches into a solo. Frank stares wildly at the camera and mouths “Help.”

    MY SERENE AND LOVING FAMILY—FILM TRANSCRIPT

    INTERIOR. 5 ROSEWOOD CLOSE. DAY.

    Mum is making lunch in the kitchen as Dad enters, all fired up. She looks up.

    MUM

    So? How was that?

    DAD

    It was great! We jammed, we bonded…

    I think Frank really enjoyed it.

    MUM

    Great! Well done!

    She gives him a hug.

    MY SERENE AND LOVING FAMILY—FILM TRANSCRIPT

    INTERIOR. 5 ROSEWOOD CLOSE. DAY.

    Frank sits at the top of the stairs. He addresses the camera.

    FRANK

    Oh my God. That was the single worst experience of my life.

    AUDREY (VOICE-OVER)

    No it wasn’t.

    FRANK

    (scowls)

    You don’t know. Maybe it was.

    He sags against the bannister.

    FRANK

    Why does Dad want to play old-man rock with me? Why?

    AUDREY (V.O.)

    To stop you playing computer games.

    Frank gives her a dark look.

    FRANK

    Thanks, Einstein.

    AUDREY (V.O.)

    I’m just telling you. They want you to have other interests.

    FRANK

    (explodes)

    I don’t want any other interests! What’s wrong with gaming?

    AUDREY (V.O.)

    I didn’t say anything was wrong with gaming.

    FRANK

    Gaming develops your reaction times, it helps teamwork and strategy, it teaches you stuff…

    AUDREY (V.O.)

    (sceptically)

    It teaches you stuff? What stuff?

    FRANK

    OK, you want to know? (He counts off on his fingers.) Minecraft—architecture. SimCity—how to manage a population and budget and shit. Assassin’s Creed—ancient Rome and the Borgias and like…Leonardo da Vinci. Everything. All the history I remember comes from Assassin’s Creed. None from school. All from gaming.

    AUDREY (V.O.)

    What have you learned from LOC?

    FRANK

    (grins)

    Mostly Korean curse words. (He suddenly shouts.) SHEEBSEKEE!

    AUDREY (V.O.)

    What does that mean?

    FRANK

    Use your imagination.

    From downstairs, Mum calls.

    MUM

    Frank! Audrey! Lunchtime!

    Frank doesn’t even seem to hear.

    FRANK

    You know in lots of countries LOC is a spectator sport? You know they have arenas?

    AUDREY (V.O.)

    I know. You told me like a million times.

    FRANK

    You know in the States they have LOC scholarships at some universities?

    AUDREY (V.O.)

    You told me that too.

    FRANK

    LOC is sophisticated. It has its own language. It has rules. It’s like…it’s like fucking Latin. That’s what it’s like. Latin. And Mum and Dad are like, “Oh it’s so evil.” What if I was addicted to Latin?

    A long pause.

    AUDREY (V.O.)

    I honestly can’t imagine that.

    So Mum’s bought me a phone. That was step one. I’ve got Linus’s number off Frank. That was step two. Now I need to call him.

    I input his number and stare at it for a while. I try to imagine how I’ll start the conversation. I write down some useful words and phrases I might need. (Dr. Sarah’s tip.) I visualize a positive scenario.