CHAPTER 134: AT STAKE

"Sorry, the answer you arrived at was to run to Rosabella’s men? You decided to trust her and put your mother and your life into her hands instead of trusting me?" he asked incredulously.

After he put it that way, I knew exactly how crazy and unreasonable it sounded. There was no way that I trusted Rosabella more than Raphael, but I couldn’t confront him about making my escape. That was because I knew that he would try to stop me, and if he did, my will would falter and then I wouldn’t be able to leave.

"I don’t care! I just needed to get my mother away from all of this even if it meant-" I yelled back before my voice cracked under the pressure of everything.

"Even if it meant running away from me," Raphael surmised, and I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

I wanted so badly to deny it, but that was exactly what I had done. Regardless of the reason, I had chosen to go along with Rosabella’s plan to get away from Raphael and his father. He was right, and I was at a loss for words.

His words hung heavily between us and I couldn’t bring myself to look at him anymore. I dropped my gaze to the floor as my chest continued heaving as sobs threatened to break free again.

"I don’t know how I can trust you anymore, Raphael. Not after everything, all the lies, all the secrets," I whispered, the confession tearing my heart apart from being inside.

I stopped myself before biting down on my lower lip so hard until I tasted blood. His face shifted then, the hardness disappearing for just a moment, and I could see the flicker of hurt and perhaps even heartbreak in his gaze as he stared back at me.

"Do you think I want this? Do you think I wanted you to be tangled in this world and be exposed to danger? I’ve spent every moment trying to shield you and trying to keep you safe," Raphael said in a low whisper.

The pain in his voice felt so raw and so unbearable to me. The silence that followed was just as equally unbearable.

All I could do was let out soft sobs that seemed to echo off the walls as my body trembled from the pressure of holding everything in for far too long. What hurt me even more was the fact that I understood what Raphael was feeling and that perhaps he too was trapped in this situation.

I had no idea what I would do if I were in his shoes. Perhaps just like me, he was doing his best given the hand of cards that he was dealt. I didn’t want to regret anything, but I couldn’t stop thinking that if Raphael hadn’t come any closer, if he didn’t touch me or try to comfort me, if he just stood and watched me falling apart, then perhaps I wouldn’t have fallen so in love with him and we both wouldn’t have to hurt so badly like this.

"Don’t cry," Raphael whispered before pulling me tenderly into his arms.

"I don’t know if I can do this anymore," I whispered, my chest heaving.

"Are you going to leave me? Really?" Raphael asked solemnly.

"I didn’t want to leave you..." I confessed in a shaky voice.

"Then why did you do it? You were going to leave me. How can you do this to me?" he asked as he stared directly into my eyes as if searching their depths for answers.

"I can’t go on living like this. It’s not just about me or how I feel. It’s also about my mother and her safety. I don’t want her to get hurt, and I just can’t get over it," I explained before I closed my eyes to control my emotions.

"I won’t let you go, Gail. I don’t think that I can..." Raphael said before planting a kiss on my forehead.

His touch felt so loving, and the way that he looked at me made my heart beat fast and my chest squeeze so painfully. I loved him so much that I wanted to confess my love to him over and over. However, the love that I felt also felt like it was ready to tear me apart from the inside out.

"Why? Why can’t you let me go?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"Isn’t it obvious?" he replied before grinning at me.

"Sometimes I feel like I’m just something you want to hold on to because you don’t want anyone else to have me. Like I’m your possession, and all I have to do is do as you say..." I murmured.

"Abigail, look at me," Raphael said as he captured my chin in between his fingers and lifted my face so that I had no choice but to look at him directly.

"I don’t just want you. I need you, Abigail. Do you understand that?" Raphael said tenderly.

"I..." I mumbled but realized that I didn’t know how to respond.

"I feel like if you are here with me, I can handle anything. I feel like I can get through anything, as long as you are here," Raphael said with conviction.

I had to admit that I hadn’t realized that the situation with his family business had been eating at Raphael. It just never occurred to me that Raphael would be against his family being involved in the mafia business. I just assumed that since he was born into it, he would naturally be fine with it. Taking over his family business after his father’s retirement just seemed so natural that I hadn’t stopped to think about what it was that Raphael wanted to do with his life.

"I’m sorry. I’m just so scared. I don’t know anything about this world of yours, but I do know that it is extremely dangerous. I feel like the more you hold me dear, the more risks I will be exposed to. It’s not just me, but also my mother. I’m scared... that we might get hurt," I said as I begged him with my eyes for him to understand me.