CHAPTER 78: LOSING HIM

At first, I convinced myself that I might have been imagining it, but as the hours went by, I started to feel like it wasn’t a coincidence at all. I didn’t even understand why Raphael was ignoring me as if he was upset by something that I had done. If there was someone who should have been upset, it should have been me, not him. Rosabella and her father were there to welcome us warmly to their mansion. By the time we arrived, every invited member from their side of the family was already there. The luxurious and high-ceilinged living room of Rosabella’s mansion was decorated with pink and white roses and lilies, filling the room with a sweet and loving aroma. The room had been transformed by the decoration to give off a vibe of a fairy tale castle where the prince and princess were about to get engaged.

I could barely focus on the event itself without getting distracted and lost in my own thoughts. Raphael was getting engaged, and soon he would be married to Rosabella. Putting how I felt about that aside, there was also the dark and twisted issue of his family running the country’s most notorious Mafia syndicate that I could not ignore. I glanced at my mother, who was laughing joyfully with her arms linked with Bennett, as I wondered what I should do.

There was no doubt that when the truth came out, this beautiful, peaceful, and joyous life that my mother had built for herself would come crashing down on us. The dark secret that I now knew felt like a heavy burden inside my chest that I didn’t know how to deal with. At the same time that I wanted to shout out the truth at the top of my lungs to get rid of this burden and finally feel relief, I also felt like I wanted to bury the secret away forever so that no one else, especially my mother, would ever find out about it. My thoughts and feelings struggled inside of me until I felt like they were going to drive me mad.

"It’s finally time. Raphael is going to officially propose to Rosabella now," my mother said as she came to stand next to me. She took hold of my arm and held it in hers before leaning her head on my shoulder. When I glanced down at her face, our eyes met, and she smiled beautifully up at me before her attention was redirected to the couple. I was too tongue-tied at what was about to happen to say anything in response to my mother. Instead, all I could do was watch with a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach as Raphael stood next to Rosabella. I had no idea why he had to officially propose to her when they were already engaged. Did she wish to see Raphael get on one knee and propose to her just like in all those stereotypical marriage proposals?

The thought of it made me feel even more sick inside, and I had to suppress the urge to march out of there and away from everyone.

"Well, that’s a little unfortunate. I have to say that I was looking forward to Raphael getting down on one knee and proposing. It would have been quite a scene," my mother said close by my side before letting out a girlish giggle.

I wished I could say that I was enjoying the scene that was unfolding right in front of me, just like everyone else who thought that it was romantic. Had I been in a different situation, I might have found the entire ordeal pleasing to the eyes and senses. After receiving words of blessing from the fathers, Raphael took Rosabella’s left hand in his before carefully placing the engagement ring on her ring finger. Rosabella looked evidently happy, and there seemed to be a glow about her as she smiled at her fiancé. I could feel my entire body trembling as I tried to keep a straight face throughout it all.

My core felt so cold, and it didn’t take long for the cold to spread to every part of my body. Rosabella took the ring out from the ring box before carefully putting it on Raphael’s ring finger. At that moment, I wished time would just stop so that I could get away and escape from whatever thoughts and feelings that had taken over me. I wondered if things would have turned out differently had I told Raphael honestly that I didn’t wish for him to be officially engaged to Rosabella. I knew it was already too late for me to regret my words and the decision I had made now.

Frankly, it was already too late. He had already placed the engagement ring on her finger, and she was returning the favor. I kept staring forward at the scene unfolding in front of me while I tried my best not to blink in fear that tears might stream down my face. I used to tell myself that I was just confused about my own feelings towards Raphael, but at that moment, I was forced to realize that I must truly be in love with him. There were no reasons that could explain the unbearable pain that I felt right at that moment when I was forced to acknowledge that I might end up losing Raphael forever.

"Abby, are you feeling all right?" my mother whispered from close to me, trying to keep her voice down. The look on her face told me that I must have looked very shaken.

"Oh, I’m fine. I think I’m going to head out for a bit to get some air," I said before quickly walking away before my mother could stop me or ask me any more questions. I tried my best to sneak away as fast and as discreetly as I could, but I could feel the eyes of many people on my back as they saw me leaving. Although I knew that leaving at the peak of the ceremony was extremely strange, I could not take it anymore, and it wasn’t like I could risk people seeing me cry at such a happy event.

–To be continued...