CHAPTER 132: NOSE DEEP IN THAT CRACK!

Melissa took a deep breath, chest rising like she was about to deliver a sermon straight out of a holy book.

Her eyes were sharp, but Rae couldn’t help but notice her lips glossing in the light like she’d licked them just to distract him.

"Alright, here’s what we are gonna do. We go in, try to stay out of vision as much as possible, find the goblin king and hopefully finish him..."

She paused dramatically, like she was expecting thunder to rumble in the distance. Nothing. Just Rae scratching his balls.

"Even if we can’t finish him, let’s do damages that will set him back a few more months. In that way, at least, we can buy some time...."

Rae nodded like a schoolboy who didn’t understand the lecture but wanted the teacher to think he did. He even threw up a salute like some half-assed commando in a B-grade porno flick.

Melissa ignored it, though her lips twitched like she was fighting back a laugh. If she entertained his clownery, they’d be here all night.

"But if there’s that young goblin, we run. We can’t possibly face him, you understand that?"

She said it firmly, but there was a faint tremor in her tone. Melissa wasn’t just worried—she was terrified.

Rae, of course, didn’t miss it.

Melissa, meanwhile, was already chewing on the thought of Gear.

That damn brat wasn’t a goblin. He was an anomaly, a wild card, the kind of enemy you see once and pray you never see again.

She had faced him once before, and she knew what he was.

The kind of monster you don’t fight. The kind you survive.

Her earlier plan was to just blast him until she was dead, to burn herself out in one final tantrum of light and fury, hoping she’d at least cripple him or tear a chunk off that smug little bastard so her team could train, gain levels, and come back later to finish the job.

But now, after realizing just how broken her friends would be if she died again, she forced herself to change the plan.

She wasn’t allowed to be reckless anymore. Not with them. Not with Rae. Not when he was looking at her like she was the only star left in his sky.

A few minutes later, the two of them were crouch-running through the forest, silent shadows slipping between the trees.

Well—Melissa was silent. Rae looked like a psycho gremlin playing soldier. His teeth flashed in a grin so wide it belonged on a wanted poster.

Of course, Melissa was in the front. Of course, Rae was just a step behind her.

’Look at that jiggle! Crazy, I am saying this is crazy!’

Melissa’s hips moved like they had their own battle plan. The tight leather armor did nothing to hide it—hell, it made it worse, the way it squeezed and pushed, like her body was trying to commit war crimes against his sanity.

Rae’s eyes bulged. His pupils danced like dice rolling across a table. He wasn’t watching the trail. He wasn’t watching for enemies. He was watching that. The enormous jiggling butt in front of his face, bouncing up and down like a damn hypnotic spell.

’Fuck me. It’s right there. Right in front of me. Leather prison holding forbidden treasure. My goblin heart can’t take this.’

His fingers twitched. His arms shook. The urge to grab was real, primal, nuclear.

’Damn, I just want to grab them! Grab, squeeze, jiggle jiggle—no, stop, stop, control yourself, Rae. Not yet. Not yet. Timing is everything.’

’A hunter waits for the perfect moment. A hunter does not waste ammo. I will not take the moment. I will make the moment.’

He inhaled through his teeth, long and slow, then slurped his tongue across his lips like a cartoon villain who just saw a damsel tied to the tracks.

And if Melissa had looked back right then, she wouldn’t have seen her teammate. She wouldn’t have seen a man.

She would have seen a textbook goblin mini-boss from some cheap RPG, the kind that spawns in tutorial levels just to harass the player with a creepy laugh.

His grin was too wide. His eyes were too hungry. His whole face screamed bad guy.

Only difference was—this bad guy was on her side.

Rae, fortunately, didn’t have to wait long for the divine moment of destiny. Oh no, fate delivered it gift-wrapped with a bow.

Melissa suddenly came to a stop, raising her hand like some commander on the battlefield. A clean signal. A sharp order. Stop here. Silence. Caution.

And Rae? Rae had five business days to react. A full calendar week if he’d been generous. Did he do that.

Nop.

With a grin stretched across his face like a lunatic who’d just been given free access to a strip club buffet, Rae dove headfirst into glory.

BAM!

Melissa’s whole body jolted forward. Her face went red instantly, like someone had just cranked her blood pressure up with a pump. Rage? Embarrassment? Shock? Who the hell knew—it was all baked into the tomato color now flooding her cheeks.

But the worst part. The insane part.

She could feel it. His face didn’t just hit. It didn’t just bump like a normal human collision. Oh no, Rae’s insane goblin head went full spelunking mode, diving deeper than the crash radius should’ve ever allowed.

Her eyes went wide as her brain processed the impossible.

’Is his nose—his goddamn long nose—inside my crack. No. No way. It can’t be that deep. It is that deep. Sweet merciful heavens, his goblin nose is tunneling between my cheeks like a perverted mole!’

Rae, meanwhile, was in bliss.

’Oh sweet mother of jiggle! My destiny is fulfilled! Soft mountains, leather valleys, and my nose is the spear of conquest!’

He wriggled just slightly, and Melissa almost lost her balance.

Her spine stiffened, her fists clenched, her face trembling.

She couldn’t even breathe right.

And behind her, Rae was giggling like a Saturday morning cartoon villain.

’This is it. This is paradise. I am buried alive in heaven’s cushions. Melissa, you are my national anthem and I will salute until I die!’

"Oops, Rae’s bad, Madame."

Melissa’s face twitched. She heard his voice.

She knew what she had just felt on her backside, but there was no way in hell she was going to dignify that goblin lunatic’s face-plant with a reaction.

Nope. Pretend it didn’t happen. Pretend she didn’t feel his nose carving out a new border treaty between her cheeks.

She clenched her jaw, forcing composure.

"F-focus, Rae. There’s the entrance. See that rock. I’m sure that’s the entrance..."

Melissa crouched low, her body taut with hunter’s grace, pointing at a large boulder up ahead.

Rae crouched too. But let’s be honest—his "crouch" was basically just him squatting behind her like a perverted gargoyle, staring at her ass like it was the treasure chest at the end of a dungeon crawl.

His tongue peeked out unconsciously, like he was about to lick a popsicle.

’Ohhh, there it is again. Jiggle, sweet jiggle. I swear to all the seven demon lords, those cheeks are alive.’

’They’re mocking me. Teasing me. Every crouch is a slow-motion lap dance, and I’m not even paying admission!’

Melissa, of course, had no idea what symphony of sinful thoughts was playing in Rae’s head.

She was locked onto the sight in front of her—two goblins lumbering out from behind the boulder, bigger than usual, thicker arms, cruel tusks. And worse...

Her eyes narrowed. Her heartbeat quickened.

Violet tendrils slithered faintly along their skin, like veins of shadow crawling under their flesh.

"Darkness," she muttered under her breath, clutching her bow tighter, knuckles whitening.

Her mind reeled.

’How’s that possible?’

Darkness was rare. Sacred. Limited. Only the goblin king was meant to wield it. And yet here it was, curling on two random, beefed-up sentries.

Behind her, Rae blinked, the grin falling off his face for once.

’What the fuck? That’s not right. That bastard took every ounce when he crowned himself. So why are these steroid rejects glowing like cheap knock-offs?’

His eye twitched.

’Gear didn’t say anything about this. Shady bastard. Hiding secrets again. Fine. Fine! Rae will ask. Rae will demand! But first...’

He leaned closer, practically pressing his cheek to Melissa’s hip as if this were the most natural battlefield formation in the world.

’But first... I’mma survive this. And maybe sniff the Melissa’s leather one more time for luck. Mmm, yes, Eau de Melissa, the fragrance of doom and jiggle!’

Melissa flinched.

"Rae... what are you—"

"Shhh, Madame," he hissed dramatically, eyes wide and crazy. "Stealth mode. Rae is blending. Rae is a shadow. Rae is—" he licked his lips audibly, "camouflaged in heaven’s pillows."

Melissa’s soul left her body.

"Madame can take dhem down?"

Rae whispered, his breath way too hot against her ear.

"Yes..."

Melissa said, steady, though her cheeks pinked from his proximity.

"Even though they seem to have consumed darkness, their levels must be around twenty or so. I can take them down, but we don’t have to."

She pulled the ugly cloak off her shoulder, the ragged thing looking like a discarded carpet that had survived three tavern brawls and a dogfight. Rae’s nose wrinkled instantly.