CHAPTER 224: YOU CAN’T DO THAT AND EXPECT ME TO BE NORMAL [JUNE’S POV]

What did I just do?

My heart was beating so loud I swear he could hear it.

Oh my god

why did I act on impulse?

Ian didn’t move at first. Then, with this shaky breath that sounded like he was panicking, he reached for the folded towel on the bed and wrapped it around me.

His hands were trembling.

And I saw it...the way his body betrayed him. His erection that had already gone down....? Yeah. It came right back up. Like it had a mind of its own.

He turned his back so fast it was almost funny.

"Oh my god oh my god, fuc... June," he actually said, dragging his hands through his hair, pacing like he wanted to punch a wall or something."

That did not go how I thought it would.

"What...what’s wrong?" My voice came out shaky. I clutched the towel tighter, like that could fix anything. "I’m covered now."

He exhaled hard, like he was trying to shake the thoughts out of his head. "You can’t just....God, June, you can’t do that and expect me to be normal five seconds later."

My throat tightened. "I shouldn’t have..."

He spun around, shaking his head. "No. Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just..." he broke off, pressing his palms against his forehead, "....I’m trying really hard not to lose control right now."

I swallowed hard. "I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have. I thought you were... I thought you were attracted to me. I acted on impulse. Please, can you just leave? I want to be alone right now."

He took a small step toward me. "No! It...it doesn’t work that way." Then he sighed, and held my hand. "I like you. You know that, right?"

I nodded, gripping the towel tighter.

"And I’m crazy attracted to you," he chuckled. "But I don’t want to mess this up. You mean more to me than one night of... impulse."

Did Ian just say that?

He likes me this much?

The way he looked at me...like I was something fragile but worth holding carefully.

That made me freeze.

Because suddenly, I realized why I wanted him so badly.

Not just because he was beautiful or reckless or said things that made my heart sprint.

But because he saw me....the soft parts, the vulnerable parts, and didn’t make me feel stupid for having them.

He exhaled hard, and turned his back at me. "What you just did is gonna haunt me for weeks."

I blinked. "What does that even mean?"

He turned back to me slowly. "It means I’ve got a really high sex drive. I haven’t been with anyone in a while. Haven’t had sex in a month and...." He stopped himself, tightening his jaw. "I do want you. Probably too much. And if I even look at you for too long right now, I’m gonna..."

"I want you too." I cut him off.

"June!" He whispered, stepping closer.

"I’ll cross a line I can’t uncross...and I can’t risk screwing this up by taking advantage of you. You mean more than that."

Something inside me snapped.

"Who said you’d ruin anything by taking advantage of me?" I whispered. "I want this. I really want you."

Okay, June. What the fuck are you saying right now?

Do you even hear yourself?

Was I really ready to do this?

Like actually sleep with Ian?

No. Maybe.

Oh my god. I’m cooked.

And before my anxiety could finish the sentence, I placed my fingers on his lips.....and everything went still.

Maybe if I stopped now, I’d regret it.

But maybe if I didn’t, I’d regret that too.

I didn’t know which version of regret I could live with.

Then I dropped the towel. Again.

"I don’t care about anything," I said in my seductive voice. "I want you. Right now."

He froze. His jaw flexed. Something shifted in his eyes....like the last piece of his restraint just... gave up.

And then...it happened.

He grabbed my waist and kissed me.

I swear my soul left my body.

He lifted me effortlessly, set me on the bed, his breath all hot and uneven against my skin.

"Okay, June," he murmured. "We’re really doing this."

Oh my god.

We’re really doing this.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit.

He was unbuttoning his shirt, so fast.

Then got down to remove his pants.

My eyes widened.

Because there he was. Ian. Naked in front of me.

I gagged. It looks....

It was definitely... bigger than I remembered.

Was it because he was hard now?

Was that even normal?

Was I normal?

I couldn’t breathe.

It hit me all at once....the panic, the want, the fear, the wild electricity in my veins.

Could I actually do this?

Would it hurt?

Would I regret it?

He leaned in again, kissed my neck, trailed down slowly to my chest, his lips found my nipples...and I gasped.

The sound that came out of me didn’t sound like mine.

My heart was in my throat.

His breath brushed my collarbone and I swear my ears were ringing.

Holy shit....was I even breathing anymore?

June, blink twice if you’re still breathing.

Then he kept going down, slowly.

When he reached my stomach, he paused.

I looked down at him, his hair was falling in his face. His chest kept rising and falling fast.

And in that quiet moment....just one second of stillness.

I gave in to the lust.

"Are you sure?" he asked quietly.

And god, that question nearly broke me.

Because I wasn’t sure of anything....except that I wanted him.

So I nodded.

To the want. To him. To everything I’d been pretending not to feel.

My hands clutched the bedsheet, trying to hold myself together as he went slowly.

My heartbeat was everywhere....my chest, my throat, even my fingertips.

I couldn’t think.

Couldn’t breathe.

Couldn’t do anything except feel.

His kept kissing me down, as I arched instinctively, and moaned. It was the softest sound I’ve ever made.

My mind went blank, my voice came out like a whisper, and a plea.

His soft lips was warm on me.

He was eating me out.

Kissing every part of me, rolling his tongue inside me.

Why does it feel so good?

is this too much? no...don’t stop. oh my god, how does he know what I need? breathe, june, breathe.

It was like nothing I’d ever felt before.

Like my body was discovering itself for the first time.

Every nerve felt alive. Every breath felt stolen.

The world tilted a little, blurred at the edges, and all I could hear was my own heartbeat and moans.

No one ever told me it could feel like this...

this dizzy, melting kind of pleasure, and tingling sensation.

My fingers twisted the bedsheet tighter, clutching at something, anything, as my body trembled under his touch.

I was trying to catch up to myself and losing every time.

Then suddenly...he stopped.

My body jolted with confusion.

Wait! Why?

Did I do something wrong?

He looked up, breathless. "Are you okay?" he whispered. "You’re... kinda screaming. My friends are gonna hear you."

My whole face went up in flames. His lips were wet, and glistening. His smile was crooked, and I wanted to disappear under the sheets.

"Oh my god," I muttered, covering my mouth.

I had completely forgotten we weren’t alone in the house.

He laughed quietly, still hovering close enough that I could feel his breath. "You’re so sweet," he said. "Should I stop?"

My chest rose and fell too fast. I could barely get the words out.

So, I shook my head fast. "No. Please don’t."

The way his eyes darkened at that.

And when he leaned in again..... everything else.....the noise, the doubt, the world, just disappeared.

When he pulled back, I just blinked up at him. My brain was still catching up.

Was he... done?

That couldn’t be it, right?

"Are we not going to...?" I started, my voice trailed off.

And it was like he read my mind.

Ian smiled a little, and helped me sit up.

"Juney," he murmured, bending slightly so we were eye to eye. "Let’s take it slowly, okay? I’m not going to have sex with you until I know you’re sure....really sure. Right now, you’re acting on impulse. That’s just your hormones talking."

Hormones. God. I wanted to argue. To say no, it’s not. To say I wanted just him.

Then he did the softest, most stupidly sweet thing ever.

He patted my head.

And all I could do was stare at him, feeling this weird ache in my throat and the horny butterflies in my stomach.

Something like love was trying to sneak its way in.

"Let’s go wash you up," he said softly.

Before I could respond, he lifted me like I weighed nothing, slinging me gently over his shoulder.

I let out a surprised laugh. "Ian, oh my god..."

"Shh," he hushed. "You’ll wake everyone up."

My hands rested against his back, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breathing, the warmth of his skin under my palms.

I wasn’t embarrassed or nervous anymore.

I just felt safe.