My words seem to be a master key of special effects. It easily breaks Li Yan''s seemingly solid confinement not long ago. His hands seem to be removed from the weightless bolt and suddenly withdraw from me. In a few seconds, he is half a meter away from me.

    Even if I can understand his sudden release, even if I have already made enough psychological preparation, I still can''t hold back tears when all this becomes the reality of piercing the phantom. These sudden tears break my plan to turn around and leave. I don''t want to be thought by Li Yan that I want to arouse his sympathy and pity with vulnerability, and I''m even more busy I rubbed my face until I felt pain and then stopped: "thank you these days. Although we are together for a short time, I think you are a very good man. I wish you a good future in your next relationship..."

    Without warning, Li Yan kicked over the hot pot, which was still rolling, and his veins became violent: "where is that scum now? I''m going to kill him."

    The boiling hot water splashed on his instep, and the red dots continued in the dim light, which was even more shocking. I rubbed my eyes, which were pricked by salty and astringent: "well, Li Yan, you have done well and taken care of my emotions. I am also sincerely grateful to you. Now you can return to the right track of life, otherwise you will continue to enjoy this wonderful weekend I''ll be gone

    Turning back to the tent, I squatted down to pick up the ground nails and hold them in my hand for a few seconds. I tied up the tent group and tied it to my backpack. I was about to put these apparently weightless things on my body. Li Yan came and picked up my backpack: "is that man Chen Zhiqiang who is trying to hurt you tonight? Is that him? "

    seemed to be drenched all over the body by the speed gel, and I stood there without moving, and my mouth seemed to be stuck by glue.

    Hand slowly over the backpack, trying to climb to my shoulder, and then through the clavicle around my neck to buckle me to him, Li Yan''s arm is still a strong iron bar general, but also like the willow leaves swinging in the wind turbulence, his voice is like a basket of sand blocked, like sinking sand straight down: "you silence, then I understand, I''ll go to kill the bird right away Beast! I''ll send him straight to the mortuary of the hospital! "

    Following the voice, Li Yan suddenly let go. He stepped forward and went away.

    My imagination is too rich, which makes me predict the most serious consequences in just a few seconds. I''m afraid Li Yan will be in prison because of me, and I''m not sure whether Li Yan''s blood at the moment is just an impulse caused by his demeanor. If he is, it will be a gift that I can''t afford and don''t need.

    When I woke up from the mountain breeze, I rushed up to him and stopped in front of him: "Li Yan, don''t mess with me. Chen Zhiqiang didn''t invade me at that time. He was one of the accomplices, and I didn''t say it too objectively just now. Strictly speaking, I was sentenced to failure in that incident Forget it, I''ll tell you for a while and a half. It''s not as simple as you think. Now we come back to our business. You need to find a clean woman. I can''t meet your criteria for choosing a mate. We have broken up. It doesn''t matter. You don''t have to pay attention to my mess. "

    All of a sudden, like an eagle hunting for food, Li Yan opened his arms and pulled out a big space to close me up again. He put his chin on my shoulder for a moment, but still trembled. His voice was suppressed and deeply buried: "Chen Shi, you have a bubble in your head. Of course, what you step on your horse is clean. The dirty ones are all those hooligans and beasts. What do you do If you mess with me, it''s not so easy to leave. If you dare to break up with me again, I''ll kill you. "

    His words are like a rope, which binds my heart at one end, and leads me to run across the mountains and the sea at the other end. He also drags me away from the gullies and reefs for a while. I am like a balloon that has been punctured by people. The strength that has supported me to walk alone for a long time also disappears. I can''t fall into the thick meat wall, and I sob before I can bite my lips Come on.

    At this time, it was just a misty day. Suddenly, scattered light rain came up. The rain splashed on my empty arm. It was cold. Li Yan blocked my head with his palm. He advised: "Chen Shi, it''s raining. Go to the tent first to avoid the rain. Don''t get caught cold."

    Over the years, even though I seem to be separated from the past and have made three or five friends, I still have that lonely and loveless wretch in my heart. As long as someone shows me that I want to swim to the other side of suffering, I can''t wait to deliver a lot of softness and compromise.

    He easily pulled me into his tent with more space. Li Yan turned around and brought in my backpack and the materials outside. The remaining bottles of German black beer were rolling around in the tent. The lights were pouring and the shadows were floating. I reached out to pick up one of the bottles of wine and tried to twist the lid.

    Li Yan took the wine. He twisted off the small covering piece and handed it back to me.

    In silence, I drank most of the wine one by one, and the alcohol slowly squeezed into my head made me have the impulse and courage to pour out.

    Holding the wine jar in my hand, I gave a bitter smile: "Li Yan, as you can see, my life is terrible. To say when it started to walk in the rotten road of no return, it should be when I was seven years old. My biological mother, Zhu Meilian, finally accepted the fact that she completely lost her fertility in the dystocia of giving birth to me after seven years of medical treatment. However, she was unable to save her from the dilemma of eager for a son. She took 8000 yuan from my aunt Zhu Xuezhen and gave me to my aunt as a daughter. With that 8000 yuan, she asked Chen Zhiqiang from the village next door to her hometown Come and be adopted son. That Chen Zhiqiang is the scum you saw tonight. "With a sip of bitter wine and the astringency of my mouth, I glanced at the silent Li Yan: "Chen Zhiqiang, three years older than me, has been precocious and obscene since he was a child. He hurt him to the top of his heart by relying on Zhu Meilian, and his character is getting worse and worse. When he was thirteen or fourteen years old, he began to sharpen his head to peep at the neighbor''s little girl taking a bath. Zhu Meilian was caught several times and couldn''t bear it Reluctant to scold, she quarrels with her neighbors for Chen Zhiqiang. Later, I went to junior high school and began to develop. Chen Zhiqiang followed Zhu Meilian to celebrate my aunt''s birthday. He began to stick his dirty eyes on me. He also began to find excuses to keep running to my aunt''s house. Several times, he blocked me up at the door of the room and tried to touch my chest. Fortunately, my aunt also adopted a brother. His name is Chen Yihe. Chen Yihe is really good to me. He helped me to resolve my embarrassment several times and revealed Chen Zhiqiang''s shamelessness to my aunt and my adoptive mother. However, my aunt and Zhu Meilian praised Chen Zhiqiang''s name. He just wanted to be close to my sister and let me tolerate Chen Zhiqiang. I''m fed up with their ridiculous faces. Later, I applied to a high school far away from home. I live in high school, which makes me free from the harassment of Chen Zhiqiang. "

    His eyes seemed to be covered with a layer of frost. Li Yan moved towards me. His broad palm covered my shoulder and stayed for a few seconds. His action was a little stiff. He broke off my body and held me in his arms again.

    There was still a lot of confusion and uncertainty in my heart. I got out of his weak confinement and continued to drink to cover up my inexplicable loneliness. I was afraid that Ji Li Yan would lose patience in my nagging, so I sped up: "my aunt was angry that I didn''t take an examination of the school nearby, so she didn''t care about me. When I went to that high school, there was a policy of high scores, tuition fee reduction and accommodation fee reduction. I didn''t have to pay a dime to go to that high school, but I had to solve the cost of food and drink by myself. At the beginning, Chen Yihe gave me 100 yuan every month. Later, I found a part-time job in a OEM clothing factory near my school. I went to study in the evening at 9:30 and worked for two hours, earning 20 yuan a day. That small workshop has to take the overpass to go back to school and wear a small alley. It''s almost 11 or 12 o''clock in the evening, and I don''t even have a picture of myself. I''m scared every time I walk, but for that little money, I''m afraid it''s nothing. "

    His pupils suddenly shrank into a continuous crack, and Li Yan''s eyes quickly widened. Once he changed his attitude of listening to me quietly, his voice was full of intricate and complex words: "then, what happened in that alley?"

    The hand that wanted to hold up the wine jar suddenly stopped. It once made me lost, mixed with panic and guilt, and covered my heart without leaving a gap. I held the sweat of my whole palm: "no, but I have encountered one thing before. I worked in that small workshop from sophomore year to junior year. I went back and forth for hundreds of times in a year without any danger. Then I got to the college entrance examination in six or seven days. I saw that I had enough money to endure until the end of the college entrance examination. That night, I went to the garment factory to finish my materials. I specially waited for the foreman to change shifts and told him that I would come back after the examination. When I came out of the factory, it rained a little. Without an umbrella, I went back to the factory and asked for a raincoat. This time, I lost some time. When I got to the overpass, it was almost past zero. At that time, there was no one around. I climbed onto the overpass because I was afraid of trotting. Suddenly, a man sprang up from the center of the overpass. He ran after me without saying a word. It was raining and dark, and the road was slippery. People were very close to me. I found that I was scared out of my wits. I had to run back by instinct. In a panic, I ran off the road and crossed the road back to the factory I ran into an alley I didn''t usually go to

    Before I could finish what I said, Li Yan bit my last words, and his tone was quite eager: "later?"

    With the effect of alcohol and the collapse of emotion, I had no time to care about Li Yan''s strange eagerness. What''s the secret behind it? I continued to be indulged in the memory and couldn''t help myself: "I ran into the alley for about 100 meters. I slipped on a small stone head. When I got up, the man had caught up with me, and he just pulled me When the raincoat pulled my pants, I was paralyzed. When my pants were about to be pulled down by him, I thought of confrontation. I fumbled around and caught half of the brick board. When I was about to hit the man, he suddenly let me go and ran in another direction... "

    The wrinkle in the eyebrow is like the top of a hill. Li Yan''s breath is not safe: "what happened later?"

    The corner of my eye was sore when I rubbed my fingers. I still couldn''t put down my hand of doing evil to myself. The mist of guilt wrapped around my heart. I squeezed the wine jar into pieces of paper: "for the convenience of escape, I was running outside and tearing off my raincoat. I just pulled out my pants when I heard a female voice crying for help...".. I... "

    In a short time, Li Yan has completely controlled his breath, but his voice is half vague: "how did you deal with it in the end, turn a deaf ear and let it go?"

    "I didn''t."

    Hand folded into a knot, my mouth was like a bitter Coptis: "I was struggling for more than ten seconds, then I found a complete brick board and a one meter long bamboo pole to kill back. I hit the wanton murderer in the head. I ordered him to let go of the girl he imprisoned, but he jumped up and slapped me hard. I was very thin at that time I couldn''t help slapping. The slap made my eyes twinkle. I stepped back dizzily. Later, the man robbed my brick and hit me on the head three or five times. He also kicked me on the waist. I was shocked by the pain and lay dead on the ground. When I woke up, there were a lot of people around me and the police came... "Grabbing my clothes and burying my face, I whispered: "I''m just hurt. That girl was. She was

    Suddenly, he violently unscrewed a can of wine, and Li Yan took a gulp of it. He said, "this matter, stop here."

    Where is the heart dominated by shame so easy to put back to its original place? I''m about to rub my hands together and break my skin: "I don''t know how that girl is now. I hope she has come out of the haze and started a new life."

    As if he had no interest in this event, Li Yan just took a few sips of wine in a dull voice: "don''t mention it again, tell me about you. I probably remember a while ago when I asked about your relationship with Lu Weijun, you mentioned that there was a slight pause after the college entrance examination, and then you changed your words to avoid the heavy and take the light. Did you get hurt from him? "

    Without the promotion of alcohol, I didn''t have much courage to continue to spread out my past full of rats. Like Li Yan, I drank the wine forthrightly, and then said sadly: "after I met that incident in the alley, I was sent to the hospital for treatment for four days. When I got back to school, I knew that the school was frying pan, and that I had everything. Among them, Lu Weijun made the most vicious rumors, and he added fuel Vinegar constantly gossip with my classmates, I laugh at me loudly, I passed the college entrance examination. On the night after the exam, Lu Weijun asked people to come to the dormitory one by one next to the floor and said that he invited people to drink and sing K, which was a casual meal. People didn''t walk a few steps away, and he ran over himself. He had a strong sense of superiority and said that he didn''t invite me, so I don''t have to be shameless and don''t invite myself. "

    Looking up at Li Yan, I coughed and tried my best to suppress the turbulent waves brought about by the change of mood. I tried my best to speak slowly: "I didn''t hope for Lu Weijun''s character at that time, and I didn''t want to associate with people who didn''t have style. Besides, I was still trapped in the fear of the previous few nights, and I didn''t have any What kind of mood? After I finished cleaning up my little pots and pans, I turned off the light and went to sleep. In a daze, I heard the sound of opening the door. When I was awakened, two shadows flashed in one after another. Before I could react, someone put my nose in my mouth and poured strong high alcohol. Before I could close my mouth, all the wine went into my stomach. In the process of pushing and pulling, I leaned against the little moonlight outside and saw the crazy smiling faces of Chen Zhiqiang and Lu Weijun. As I was about to call for help, Chen Zhiqiang stuffed a group of socks into my mouth. I don''t know when they met and United. I listened to them discussing who would come first. All I know is that my head exploded at that time. "

    The dim light reflected Li Yan''s disordered emotions. After two minutes'' delay, he reached over my shoulder and said, "Chen Shi, well, since it''s not a good memory, forget it. I''m not curious any more. I''m not going to explore any more. Just forget about it. "

    There is also the bitter aftertaste of alcohol. I smashed my mouth and dropped my shoulder: "that night I experienced humiliation, which was like a steel nail into my body. It went deep into the flesh and pierced the bone. I didn''t cross that barrier so easily. At that time, I couldn''t call. I had to hook down the stool with my feet in an attempt to make noise to attract attention. Later, I learned that Lu Weijun not only took the money to get rid of the people on the first floor, but also set aside the house management teacher downstairs. He tried his best to win. He successfully stripped off my pants with the help of Chen Zhiqiang and alcohol. He touched my lower body with his filth, and he almost violated me completely Fortunately, Chen Yihe came to school from normal university to find me. He happened to save me at a critical moment. But I didn''t get a complete salvation. Chen Yihe called the police and the police came. Lu Weijun and Chen Zhiqiang agreed that I took Lu Weijun''s money and voluntarily wanted to have a relationship with him. This is just a whoring incident. "

    My body trembled slightly, and I even tried to hold back my voice: "only then did I know how bad a bad heart can be. I didn''t know when Lu Weijun put his money under the pillow of my bed, and I didn''t know how dirty underwear could be sandwiched between my school uniform. Finally, Lu Weijun and I were brought back together. After a more humiliating self-examination, we went to the hospital The student came to the conclusion that I was still in good condition, and the incident was judged as an attempted act. Then I was shut up in a small dark room. It was Chen Yihe who ran to sell blood. He sold blood like he didn''t want to die. He collected a fine of 2000 yuan to get me out. Later, for my sake, Chen Yihe went to Chen Zhiqiang and Lu Weijun with a knife. "

    As I snuffed, I still could not hide my sour nose. My eyes slowly rolled down. I rubbed my eyes with my hands: "my biological mother, Zhu Meilian, really hates me. She really protects Chen Zhiqiang, who has no blood relationship with her, to death. She hides Chen Zhiqiang and plays emotional cards with Chen Yihe. Chen Yihe finally can''t bear to see her tears , he temporarily let Chen Zhiqiang go to find Lu Weijun, he cut off Lu Weijun two toes, finally outnumbered was subdued. Chen Yihe was sentenced to seven years'' imprisonment for intentional injury. He was taken to JieXi to serve his sentence. I went to JieXi detention center to meet Chen Yihe. He needed to live there every month. My aunt criticized him for protecting me in such a situation. She cared more about her sister Zhu Meilian''s feelings than Chen Yihe. She refused to give Chen Yihe any support. I ran out without even looking at the college entrance examination scores I work in Shenzhen, so I can give Chen Yihe money every month, and I can give him some change to buy some useful materials. "

    I don''t know if I was shocked by the facts I stated. Li Yan''s fingers were cold and piercing, which made his movements a little stiff. He fished for several times before he closed me into his arms. He was full of hesitation in the way he slapped me on the back. His tone was light: "it''s all over."In fact, I am an extremely sensitive person most of the time. Subconsciously, I understand Li Yan''s unnatural behavior, which does not fit his usual behavior style, as he can''t digest the ugliness and chaos that happened to me after listening to my statement of past events. At this moment, he just adheres to the style that a man should have Degree, in the delivery of expensive and cheap perfunctory warmth to me.

    I am really lonely for too long, I really long for a warm embrace to accompany me in the cold light, let the street lamp lengthen the silhouette, and I really long for someone to pass me through most of my wandering life to stability, but I am absolutely sure that I don''t need forced pity.

    Without much effort, I took Li Yan''s hand to one side. I moved away from him and put down the wine. I put my hands around my shoulders and buried my face in my knees to accept the dark washing. My voice came out of my mouth and shocked my ears again: "even if Lu Weijun didn''t succeed in invading my body, he completely raped my life and my spirit, and he killed me I smash most of the good things in this world, leaving me more rot and suffering. Until now, there are still rumors in my hometown about how I was a woman and two husbands, how I was morally corrupt and seduced my classmates and cousins. What''s even more funny is that some people who don''t know why still seem to have witnessed with their own eyes that they involved Chen Yihe and made rumors alive. For me, it''s like a rotten mud. I''ll never go back. I''m just a rootless duckweed. Let''s go back to the question you mentioned. As for premarital sex, I have never thought about it before. Now you mentioned that I would like to put aside the concept of premarital and Postmarital sex. I would especially reject sexual behavior itself. I still have a long way to go. Of course, I know that my situation is not so dark that I can handle it. It''s my thoughtlessness. I should tell you everything at the beginning of my relationship and let you make your own choice. Sorry, I didn''t do it well. "

    Even if Li Yan is such a good talker, he may be overwhelmed by the huge amount of information. His mouth is open and closed. Finally, he just looks at me with his complicated eyes.

    After rubbing my sour nose, I slowed down: "in other words, my situation is not suitable for love. Li Yan, you and I are both adults. I can understand any choice you make after weighing. You don''t have to force yourself to take my feelings into consideration... "

    At this time, a rush bell rang in my ears and cut off my conversation. Li Yan''s eyes were slightly lax. He just took out his mobile phone. He glanced at the screen and then said sorry to me. He picked up the phone in a hurry and put it in his ear. However, in a hurry, he said "I''ll be there soon" and hung up.

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