…Ngh, was I… asleep?

When I opened my eyes, a kaleidoscope of colors swirled before me, painting a world unlike any I'd seen.

Where… is this? The Dimensional Gap?

Wait a sec.

Why the heck am I sleeping in a place like this?

Let's see… I beat the crap out of Shalba, saved Orphis, and…

Oh, right, right! I took down that massive monster with my new technique!

But after that… uh… what happened next?

Hold up. Why do I feel something soft and warm pressed against both my sides?

"Good morning, Issei," came a voice.

"Red Dragon Emperor, you're awake?" said another.

I flicked my gaze to either side.

There, snug against me, were Ignis and Orphis.

Completely. Freaking. Naked.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?!" I yelled, bolting upright.

Whoa!?

I'm naked too!?

Where'd my clothes go?!

I scanned the surroundings, but all I saw was a barren, rocky landscape, red and jagged like some alien wasteland.

Where am I?!

No, scratch that—why are the three of us buck naked?!

Ignis giggled, her laugh light and teasing. "Oh, Issei, you were wild last night. Like a beast, pouncing on us. Right, Orphis-chan?"

"Red Dragon Emperor was impressive. I agree," Orphis said, her tone flat but certain.

…Huh?

I stared at them, mouth agape, brain blank.

"Oh? Don't tell me you forgot," Ignis said, smirking. "When a man and a woman are naked together, there's only one thing that happens, right?"

…

No way…

No freaking way!

Cold sweat poured down my body as a horrible thought clawed at my mind—

Ignis, her cheeks flushed, flashed a dazzling smile. "Guess we're joining Miu-chan's crew now♪"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

No way, no way, NO WAY!

I don't remember a damn thing!

What?! For real?!

Did I… did I really do it with these two?!

No way that's true!

Sure, my body feels heavy, like I've been through the wringer, but…

Is that why I'm so beat?!

I scrambled back, clutching my head and crouching in a panic.

This is bad!

What do I do?!

Did I really hook up with the ultimate goddess and the ultimate dragon god?!

What now? I don't remember a thing!

To think I stole their purity and can't even recall it—what kind of scumbag am I?!

Come on, Issei, remember!

What the hell happened last night?!

I racked my brain, desperate for answers, when—

Da-da-daaa!

Cheerful music blared out of nowhere.

I whipped around to see Ignis and Orphis holding a massive sign that read, in garish letters, "PRANK SUCCESS!"

"Gotcha! You totally fell for it, Issei!" Ignis crowed, laughing her head off.

"Fell for it," Orphis echoed, her voice monotone.

I froze, my brain short-circuiting.

"…What? A prank…?"

"Yup!" Ignis grinned. "I saw it on TV once, and it looked like so much fun, I just had to try it. Orphis-chan helped out, didn't you?"

"Yup," Orphis nodded.

No, no, no—yup doesn't cut it!

So, what, you're saying…

"I… didn't cross that line with you two…?" I asked, voice trembling.

They both nodded.

Oh… oh, thank god. No wonder I don't remember anything.

Hahaha… hahahaha…

You got me good, you damn goddess!

"This is the worst prank ever!" I roared. "Who pulls something this cruel?! Where'd you even learn this crap?!"

And Orphis, why'd you go along with it?!

But the goddess in front of me just kept laughing, stroking Orphis's head without a hint of remorse.

"Come on, a little excitement like this is fun sometimes, right?" Ignis said.

"Fun?! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Well, in a way, this is your punishment, Issei."

Punishment…?

Did I do something wrong?

I frowned, but Ignis's next words hit me like a truck.

"It's been two days since we left that pseudo-space. You've been out cold the whole time."

"Two days?!"

"And the reason? You burned yourself out with that new technique. Honestly, it's a little ridiculous."

"Uh…"

She's right… I did take down that giant monster with my new move, but the exhaustion hit me like a freight train afterward. Then I just… passed out.

Crap…!

I made Miu and the others worry again!

I was supposed to head back right away!

"Everyone's probably freaking out about you right now," Ignis said. "So, a little prank like this? You kinda deserve it."

"Ugh… y-yeah…"

I had no comeback.

That new technique isn't something I can control easily, but that doesn't change the fact I worried everyone.

"Uh, were there any summons…?" I asked.

"There were, but you were knocked out, so what could you do?" Ignis shot back.

Fair point…

I planted my hands on the ground and let out a massive sigh.

Guess I'll have to grovel and apologize when I get back. No idea if they'll forgive me, but I'll beg with all I've got.

As I wallowed, a hand rested on my shoulder.

I looked up to see Ignis smiling gently.

"Well, you're alive and heading back, so let's call it good for now. No need to mope too much."

"Ignis…"

Ugh, when she's sweet like this, it really hits me hard, especially after all her usual antics.

"By the way, Issei," she said, her tone shifting. "What do you think of our bodies, fresh out of bed?"

"Huh…?"

I blinked, taking in the scene.

There they were—Ignis and Orphis, still completely naked.

A bombshell goddess and a loli dragon god…!

Both absolute beauties, and this view? Pure eye candy!

Orphis's petite frame is adorable, and Ignis's curves and perfect chest are just… wow!

Certain parts of me were definitely reacting!

Then—

"Red Dragon Emperor's thing got bigger. Why?" Orphis asked, pointing at my lower half.

…Oh, right. I'm still naked too.

"Orphis-chan, that's because—" Ignis started.

"Don't say it!" I shouted.

We got dressed and started piecing things together.

"So, to recap: we're in the Dimensional Gap, two days have passed, and we're… on top of Great Red?" I asked.

Yup, this rocky red terrain I thought was a wasteland? It's actually the back of Great Red!

A massive horn loomed nearby. We're literally on his head.

Draig let out a weary sigh. "After you used that technique and passed out, Great Red happened to pass by. Orphis brought you onto his back, and here we are."

Talk about insane luck, running into Great Red by chance.

"I suspect that technique might've had something to do with it," Draig continued. "That kind of power could've drawn Great Red's attention. Or maybe it's just your knack for attracting trouble. Your run-ins with legendary beings are absurdly frequent."

Ugh, I can't argue with that.

All I want is a peaceful, sexy life, so why do I keep bumping into dangerous freaks?!

How many times have I nearly died?!

…Well, I did die once at Asto Ade, but let's not dwell on that.

"Ei, ei, ei!" Orphis chirped nearby, smacking Great Red's head with her tiny hands.

"Hey, what're you doing?" I asked.

"Defeating Great Red," she replied.

You think those cute little slaps can take down this massive dragon?

Sure, she's a weakened Infinite Dragon God, but still… those tiny attacks packing a punch? Hard to imagine.

Grrrrrr…

My stomach let out a thunderous growl.

"Hungry?" Ignis asked.

"Y-Yeah… I haven't eaten in two days," I mumbled, clutching my stomach.

The last thing I ate was a bite of Alice's pudding at the promotion test center's cafeteria…

No wonder I'm starving.

If Cao Cao and his goons hadn't attacked, I'd be feasting at the hotel right now!

This is all their fault!

As I fumed, I noticed Ignis starting to undress.

"Hey, what're you doing?!" I yelped.

"What? You're hungry, right? So I thought I'd offer you some… nourishment," she said, gesturing to her chest.

"Pfft!" I choked, nearly spitting.

This goddess just says the wildest things like it's nothing!

"I'm not a baby!" I snapped.

"But you're the Oppai Dragon! Doesn't sucking on some boobs recharge your energy?"

"What do you take me for?!"

Sure, I'm the Oppai Dragon!

Sure, I'm the guy who powers up with boobs!

Sure, I'm the man who opens the door to infinite possibilities with boobs!

But recharging energy with them?! No way!

"Are you stupid?! You're definitely stupid!"

"Red Dragon Emperor, does sucking them heal you?" Orphis piped up, abandoning her Great Red smacking to join the conversation.

Why this topic?!

Why are you so curious about that?!

Is me + boobs more interesting to you than Great Red?!

"I'm not sucking anything!" I yelled.

"But when you were with Miu-chan—"

"Shut it! Don't say another word!"

"You were sucking a lot, weren't you?"

"You said it anyway?!"

"Red Dragon Emperor, you sucked?" Orphis asked.

"Orphis, good girls don't ask about this stuff!"

"She's a girl too, so she has a right to know!" Ignis chimed in.

"What kind of logic is that?!"

"Red Dragon Emperor, you sucked?"

Somebody save me!

Get me out of this insane dimension!

Draig! HELP!

"Great Red, please get this guy to the Underworld as fast as you can," Draig sighed.

And so, we set off for the Underworld, riding atop Great Red.

And that's that—Issei's safe and sound.

After all the serious stuff, I figured it was time for some dumb fun (lol).

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