CHAPTER 38: WELCOME TO THE WARZONE (FORMERLY KNOWN AS HOME)

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I should’ve known peace wouldn’t last more than five minutes.

The second we stepped back into the Earth realm—and more specifically, my mansion—it felt like the oxygen got replaced with tension.

Not just regular tension. Harem tension.

The kind that wraps around your throat and whispers: You’re not sleeping tonight, buddy.

The girls fanned out across the massive living room, each one eyeing the others like a lioness guarding her territory.

Akane had her arms folded, leaning against the wall like a dormant volcano.

Rin slumped onto the couch, flicking through the TV with the remote—but the way her jaw clenched every time Elira touched me told me she wasn’t watching a damn thing.

Mei was inspecting every inch of the place, muttering "security breaches" and "escape routes" like she was preparing for a siege.

Ayame... was already upstairs.

Plotting.

And Elira? She just plopped down beside me with her usual royal confidence, one hand curled around my arm like she’d claimed the throne and the court.

"This place is lovely," she said sweetly. "We should christen every room. Together."

"...We’re just sleeping, right?" I asked weakly.

Her smile didn’t help.

---

The madness didn’t happen all at once.

It evolved.

---

The kitchen was quiet.

Too quiet.

Elira took a delicate sip of the tea Rin had so kindly brewed for her. I could already tell something was off—Elira’s polite expression froze.

Her eyes widened.

Then she exploded into a coughing fit.

"Is this... is this spicy?" she gasped, grabbing for water.

Rin walked by casually with a glass of juice and a perfectly innocent smile. "Oh nooo. Did I mix up the cayenne and cinnamon again? Silly me."

"You accidentally put cayenne in my tea?" Elira sputtered.

"I guess I was distracted," Rin said sweetly, not even glancing back. "Some of us don’t have time to memorize flavor profiles between kissing Ren."

I dropped the spoon I was holding. "I’m not involved in this! I’m a civilian!"

---

Ayame was missing.

This usually meant one of two things: she was either sneaking into my bed, or something worse.

Then we heard the banging.

"HELLO?! I’m stuck! Someone locked the bathroom door from the outside!"

I rushed over and yanked it open—Ayame practically fell into my arms in nothing but a towel and pure vengeance.

From behind us, Mei appeared holding a notepad.

"Strange. I was running door security diagnostics. Maybe I... triggered the wrong lock sequence."

Ayame narrowed her eyes. "Or maybe you got tired of me flirting with your crush."

Mei didn’t flinch. "Incorrect. Ren is a shared tactical asset. Flirting is inefficient."

"Your face is about to be inefficient."

I stepped between them. "Ladies. Can we maybe not throw hands in the hallway where I keep the good towels?"

---

I yawned, walked into my room, and faceplanted on the bed.

Or... I tried to.

Instead of soft fluff, my cheek met the cold kiss of steel.

I screamed.

There were daggers sewn into every pillow. Real ones. Hidden under decorative covers.

"Elira!" I shouted. "Did you redecorate with medieval murder?"

She walked in behind me, confused. "What? No—wait. Is that a katana under your blanket?"

Akane’s voice came from the hallway. "Yeah. You looked like you needed protection."

"From what? My own skull?!"

"From temptation," she said flatly. "Maybe if you weren’t so busy letting the princess stroke your ego, I wouldn’t have to fortify your sleeping quarters."

"...This is not fortification. This is attempted homicide."

---

We were all seated at the dining table. Elira complimented my shirt.

"You look handsome in royal blue," she said, touching my sleeve.

Rin, without looking up from her plate, muttered, "Royal blue hides sweat stains. Smart choice."

I glanced down. I wasn’t even sweating.

Ayame, smiling, added, "I think he’d look better with no shirt at all."

Mei didn’t even blink. "His upper-body structure shows potential but lacks muscle symmetry. I’ve prepared a new workout plan."

Akane stabbed a piece of steak. "He’s fine the way he is. And he doesn’t need a shirt when he’s in my room."

Everyone froze.

"...You mean in general, or...?"

Akane blinked slowly. "Exactly."

You know—normal stuff.

---

Then it escalated.

Later that evening.

Akane: "Why does the Princess get to wear his shirt? I knew him first."

Elira: "Because I’m his chosen one. And it’s not just a shirt—it’s our shared intimacy."

Rin: "Oh my God, kill me."

Mei: "Gladly. After I scan your blood for foreign pheromones."

Ayame: "I’m baking him cookies. In nothing but an apron."

Me: "...Can I move into the neighbor’s house?"

---

📣 SYSTEM NOTIFICATION

[WARNING: Obsession Surge Detected]

All harem members have entered Stage II Romantic Fixation.

💥 Symptoms include:

– Hyperfocus on user affection

– Increased hostility toward rivals

– Spontaneous territory marking

– Sleep schedule sabotage

🔄 Emotional Flow: Jammed

💗 Obsession Level: 97%

🛑 Harem Stability: Red Alert

🔐 Recommendation: Initiate Emergency Affection Diversification Protocol

Note: You may now be considered a limited resource.

Please avoid situations where more than two members occupy the same space while unsupervised.

---

By nightfall, they were all in their rooms.

Well.

They said they were in their rooms.

But I could feel them.

The tension. The craving. The—

"Ren~"

I jumped as Ayame’s voice purred from behind my curtain.

"I brought you cookies. Want a taste?"

"Where did you get—how did you get in my—?"

"Shh~ Let me feed you~"

Then Akane kicked open the door.

"Back away from the bed, succubus."

Ayame blew her a kiss. "Jealous?"

"No. Territorial."

Then Rin barged in holding a movie DVD. "I called dibs on cuddles!"

Followed by Mei, holding what I hoped was a scanner.

Elira appeared last, unbothered. "Ladies. Please. If you want Ren, you’ll have to earn him."

"Earn?!" I yelped.

"I meant emotionally."

"Oh."

"But physically works too."

---

That’s when I realized...

Earth wasn’t going to save me.

I brought the battlefield home.

---

The sun hadn’t fully risen yet.

The birds were still groggy.

And my door was kicked open.

"Ren!" Ayame bolted in, hair messy, wearing one of my T-shirts like she hadn’t even tried to pretend she hadn’t slept in it. "I had a dream someone was choking you with their thighs—are you okay?!"

She froze.

Right in front of her was me... in bed... arms wrapped tightly around a very curvy, very not supposed to be here girl.

"Sora?!"

Her back was to me, but even then, it was obvious.

I was spooning her.

Worse? My hands were full of her.

Not on accident. Not grazing. Not suggestively hovering.

Firmly cupping.

Ayame let out a strangled noise and stepped back like she’d been shot.

Before I could move—or even blink—

BANG!

The door hit the wall a second time.

Mei stomped in, face sharp as a blade. "Why did I wake up feeling like betrayal happened in the next room—"

She saw us.

Her mouth opened. No words came out. Just... silence. Dangerous silence.

Then Rin. "I brought you breakfast—wait—"

She dropped the tray.

Then Akane.

Then Elira.

By the time all five of them were staring at us, I felt like I’d been caught mid-affair... during a group therapy session... while sleep-paralyzed.

And Sora?

Still asleep.

Still smiling.

Then she stirred, stretched delicately, and noticed the eyes on us. She blinked, turned slightly in my hold... then noticed where my hands were.

Instead of shrieking or shoving me off, she blushed.

And then—smiled at the rest of them.

Like she’d won a trophy.

Like she was the trophy.

"Morning," she said sweetly, making no effort to move. "Hope you all slept well."

I jolted fully awake. "Sora?! W-what are you—what is this—when did you get back?!"

She tilted her head. "Last night. My room was locked. Yours wasn’t. You were warm. I improvised."

"You—you improvised?!"

She gave me a half-shrug. "I thought we were past sleeping apart."

Ayame looked like she was about to cry. Rin looked like she was about to kill. Elira’s eye twitched like a ticking bomb.

Mei? She pulled out a dagger.

Akane crossed her arms. "So we’re just letting anyone sleep here now? Should I call the postman? The gardener? Maybe the royal executioner?"

Sora rolled onto her back, still tangled in my arms, and gave a lazy smile. "Call whoever you want. He already held me all night."

I tried to teleport.

I failed.

---

---

The silence was nuclear.

I could hear the birds outside. I could hear my heart pounding. I could hear Sora breathing softly as she leaned into me like this was some kind of fairytale morning and not an affectional apocalypse.

Then the system—because of course it picked now—flared to life.

---

📣 SYSTEM NOTIFICATION

⚠️ [Jealousy Surge Detected]

💥 Harem Stability: Critically Unstable

💔 Affection Distribution: Singular

🔥 Emotional Response: Spite Level 3 Achieved

Recommendation: Emergency Redistribution Protocol

Warning: Prolonged contact with Sora has triggered competitive instincts in other members.

Risk of:

Verbal warfare

Property damage

"Accidental" nudity traps

Spontaneous public cuddling

Proceed with caution.

---

I groaned. "Not again..."

Sora blinked up at me innocently. "Again?"

Ayame finally found her voice. "Okay. I’m gonna say it. This little ’sleepover’—"

"—was premeditated," Mei snapped, voice cold and dangerous. "She locked her own room and came crawling in like a snake in silk."

"I didn’t crawl," Sora said calmly. "I walked. Proudly."

Elira stepped forward, voice dangerously soft. "Ren. Did you invite her?"

"I—I was asleep!" I waved my hands helplessly, still trying to get free from Sora without accidentally squeezing her curves again. "I didn’t even know she was here!"

"Oh, he knew," Rin muttered. "You don’t hold someone like that by accident."

"It was muscle memory!" I said. "Reflex! Involuntary spooning!"

"Is that what we’re calling second base now?" Akane deadpanned.

Sora sat up finally, the blanket sliding dangerously low off her shoulder. "You’re all so tense. You should try sharing more."

Ayame’s eyes flared. "Sharing? He hasn’t even kissed me yet!"

Rin looked at her. "He kissed you?"

"No! That’s my point!"

"Wait—he hasn’t kissed you?" Mei raised an eyebrow.

"Wait, has he kissed you?" Ayame shot back.

"Not the point," Elira said firmly, voice cracking with tension. "We’re not fighting over who he’s kissed—we’re fighting over why he’s groping people in his sleep!"

Sora leaned her cheek against my chest again and let out a dreamy sigh. "Because he missed me..."

"GET. OFF. HIM." Akane snapped.

"Make me."

"Gladly."

That’s when chaos truly broke loose.

Akane lunged.

Mei grabbed Ayame mid-jump like she was trying to do a flying tackle.

Rin tried to yank the blanket off both of us—probably to shame us, but I yelped and rolled instinctively, taking Sora with me and accidentally pinning her underneath.

Another notification hit.

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📣 SYSTEM NOTIFICATION

⚠️ Emergency Escalation!

Harem Level: Riot

🔥 Status: Multiple Hostiles Detected

💔 Emotional Sync: Imploded

You are now the center of an active jealousy spiral.

Suggestions:

Flee the scene

Distract with pancakes

Fake an emotional confession

Hide under the bed and pray

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I chose Option 4.

"I’m gonna die," I muttered as I ducked under the mattress. "This is how it ends."

Sora peeked under the bed after me, still smiling. "Worth it."

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