How to Survive as a BL Villain
Chapter 20: why can’t I say I hate it?
CHAPTER 20: WHY CAN’T I SAY I HATE IT?
(Aiden’s POV)
Cassian’s face was flushed, his breaths uneven as if he’d just sprinted a mile. He shoved Leonel’s arm off him like it burned and turned toward me with the weakest laugh I’d ever heard.
"It’s nothing," he blurted out, voice too quick, too nervous. "Leonel just reminded me about... something embarrassing I did when I was drunk."
He patted my hand awkward, rushed like he was begging me to let it go, then hurried back toward the classroom. His steps were too fast, like he thought if he kept moving, maybe the heat in his cheeks and the weight in the air would disappear.
I stared after him, trying to piece together what I’d just walked in on. My chest tightened, something sharp crawling under my skin. I knew Cassian was lying. His laugh was shaky, his words flimsy.
Behind me, Leonel let out a low chuckle. "Cute," he murmured under his breath, soft but smug.
My jaw clenched. Cute? That wasn’t the laugh of someone who’d simply reminded a friend of a drunken slip-up. That laugh carried satisfaction. Possession. Something that made my stomach twist.
I turned to him, voice low. "I know that’s not what happened. Are you gonna tell me what really went down?"
Leonel’s eyes flicked to mine, sharp and amused, like he enjoyed how riled up I was. He tilted his head, almost mocking. "I’m not saying anything more."
That smirk of his it set me off. He was hiding something. No, not hiding. Flaunting. He wanted me to wonder, to grind my teeth at the thought of what he and Cassian had just shared.
My fists tightened at my sides. I hated how easily Leonel got under my skin, how effortless he made it look. And I hated even more how Cassian’s red face and trembling hands wouldn’t leave my head.
"Fine," I said, forcing my voice steady even though irritation bubbled just beneath. "But don’t think I won’t figure it out. Cassian doesn’t look like that over something small."
Leonel’s grin widened like I’d given him exactly what he wanted. "Guess you’ll have to stay close if you want answers," he said, brushing past me. His shoulder bumped mine deliberate, daring.
I stood there, watching him walk off, the air still thick with tension. Every instinct screamed that I was being shut out, that Cassian was slipping between my fingers while Leonel tightened his grip.
But if Leonel thought I’d just stand by and watch him steal Cassian piece by piece, he was dead wrong.
When I walked back into class, Cassian was already seated, head ducked low, flipping through his notes like he hadn’t just run away from us. His ears were still red, betraying him no matter how much he pretended otherwise.
I slipped into the seat beside him, watching the way his hand trembled faintly as he scribbled something down. He didn’t look at me, not once.
"Cassian," I whispered.
No reaction.
I leaned closer, lowering my voice. "You gonna keep ignoring me, or should I drag the truth out of you?"
That got him. His pen froze mid-stroke, and for a second, his lashes lifted. His eyes met mine wide, startled, and... guilty. But before he could say anything, Leonel strolled in like he owned the place.
He didn’t even hesitate. He walked straight to Cassian, leaning down just enough to brush his hand against Cassian’s shoulder as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"Got space for me?" Leonel asked, voice smooth, though his eyes flicked to me with a sharp glint that said it wasn’t really a question.
Cassian stuttered, "Uh - yeah, sure." He shifted his books to make room without thinking, like his body just obeyed him.
I clenched my jaw, biting back the urge to snap.
The lecture started, and I tried to focus, but my gaze kept drifting. Every time Cassian needed help flipping through the heavy textbook, Leonel was there, his hand brushing Cassian’s as he turned the page. When Cassian dropped his pen, Leonel bent down first, scooping it up and placing it in his palm with a quiet smile.
I wanted to scream. Not because Leonel did those things but because Cassian let him. Because instead of turning to me, the way he usually did, he accepted Leonel’s help without hesitation.
And yet, I noticed something else something that made my chest ache. Each time Leonel leaned closer, Cassian’s shoulders tensed. His blush never seemed to fade. He’d bite his lip, avoid Leonel’s gaze, but he wouldn’t push him away either.
What did that mean?
Halfway through the lecture, Leonel leaned back, arm resting casually on the back of Cassian’s chair. He tilted his head, close enough that his breath could’ve ghosted over Cassian’s ear.
I saw Cassian’s spine stiffen. He glanced at me quickly so quick anyone else would’ve missed it. Like he wanted me to notice.
My nails dug into my palm under the desk.
Fine. Message received.
The moment class ended, I stood before Leonel could move. My hand shot out, grabbing Cassian’s wrist firmly not harsh, but not giving him the option to pull away either.
"Let’s go," I said.
He blinked at me, startled, looking between me and Leonel. His lips parted like he wanted to protest, but the words never came.
Leonel chuckled, low and mocking. "Careful, Aiden. You hold him like that, people might think you’re jealous."
I turned, meeting his gaze dead-on. "Maybe I am."
The silence that followed was sharp, dangerous. Cassian’s breath hitched between us, caught in the middle of something he couldn’t name, while Leonel’s smirk deepened like he’d been waiting for me to finally admit it.
And for the first time, I realized this wasn’t just about Cassian anymore.
(Cassian’s POV)
Perfect, let’s dive deep into Cassian’s head here—showing his frustration, confusion, and the way he keeps comparing reality to the "drama script" he thought he knew. I’ll give you a 600-word continuation in Cassian’s POV that captures his spiraling thoughts, jealousy, and that gnawing pull toward both Leonel and Aiden.
Cassian’s POV (600 words)
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
If I closed my eyes, I could still remember every line of the drama the scenes that should’ve played out between Leonel and Aiden, with me watching from the sidelines. I wasn’t meant to be the center. I was supposed to be the shadow, the complication, maybe even the obstacle. Leonel and Aiden’s story was the one that mattered.
But here I was... and somehow, I’d become the thing between them.
Every glance, every word, every tug-of-war it always circled back to me. Leonel glaring at Aiden, Aiden throwing sharp words at Leonel, and both of them looking at me like I was the answer to a question I hadn’t even asked.
It twisted in my chest, that wrongness. Because I knew the story. I knew how it was meant to go. And yet... every time Leonel’s voice dipped low, every time Aiden’s hand lingered a little longer than it should, I found myself leaning in instead of pulling away.
"Jealous." That word still rang in my ears.
Leonel had admitted it, straight out. And Aiden, with that calm defiance, had met it with, What if I am?
If this were still the script, Leonel wouldn’t have said that. He was supposed to be reserved, cold, untouchable the man whose heart took seasons to thaw. And Aiden? He should’ve been the gentle anchor, the steady one who offered warmth in small doses. Their rivalry wasn’t supposed to be so sharp, so immediate, and definitely not about me.
It should’ve been Aiden him standing between us, choosing who to push away and who to let close. Him deciding who deserved to stand at his side. That’s how it was written. That’s how it was supposed to be.
So why... why did it feel like the roles had flipped?
Why was Leonel grabbing me, pulling me against lockers, kissing me until my knees shook? Why was Aiden’s voice the one that broke through, claiming things he never should’ve claimed, making me feel wanted in ways the script never promised?
It was terrifying.
And addicting.
My heart wouldn’t stop racing when Leonel looked at me like I was his. My skin wouldn’t stop burning when Aiden touched me, grounding me with that unshakable certainty of his. And me? I laughed, I teased, I acted like I didn’t care like I didn’t notice. But the truth was, I noticed everything. Every. Single. Thing.
I pressed a hand against my chest, trying to steady myself. My pulse thudded harder, mocking me.
I shouldn’t want this. I shouldn’t like being caught in their tug-of-war. I should hate the tension, the possessiveness, the heat in Leonel’s eyes, the softness in Aiden’s voice when he said my name.
But I didn’t.
And maybe that was the cruelest part.
Because for all my knowledge of the script, all the warnings in my head that screamed this was wrong, reality didn’t care. Reality didn’t follow the script. Reality had Leonel’s lips on mine, reality had Aiden’s jealousy twisting my insides, reality had me standing in the middle exactly where I wasn’t supposed to be.
And I couldn’t run from it.
A laugh weak, broken slipped out of me. "I’m screwed," I whispered under my breath.
Because no matter what the drama said, no matter how this story was supposed to unfold, I was trapped. My chest ached with the weight of it, but also with something frighteningly close to joy.
They weren’t supposed to love me. They weren’t supposed to fight over me.
But they did.
And I couldn’t bring myself to push either of them away.
Not yet.
Not when every look, every word, every touch left me burning for more.
