CHAPTER 108: VIRGIN ORANGUTAN? SURELY YOU DON’T MEAN ME, RIGHT?

Jack—the ghost—when he was alive a hundred years ago, he was lonely and to erase his solitude, he learned a ritual from an old man living in a graveyard to summon a spirit. This already sounds suspicious.

Jack performed that ritual like an underpaid but talented theatre actor and BAAM, a spirit came in front of him too.

But turned out, that wasn’t a Spirit at all. It was his landlady that fell in front of him from the ceiling of his basement!

And Jack, was sent to this jail by the husband of his landlady.

And when I asked Jack whether the ritual was successful or not, because, forgetting about the landlady, Jack did perform the ritual for three hours. Some results must have arrived. Even Malthus would be able to produce a child if he did it for three hours. This is just a Spirit we are talking about.

At that, Jack said that the ritual was successful but instead of summoning a spirit, he became the Spirit himself!

And my reaction to that was...

"What!?"

Jack nodded, wiping his tears. "Yes."

"So you are saying after your landlady’s husband brought you to this jail, you instantly found yourself becoming a spirit?"

"No. Not instantly. After I was brought here, I found it hard to exist here. But then I thought there is no one for me in the outside world, so I decided to spend my life in this cell. And when I died here, fifty years ago, only then did I find myself as a spirit. My soul didn’t apply for the afterlife. By doing the ritual I cut my ties for a reincarnation. I signed up for this unknowingly."

SNIFF!

Jack’s shoulders trembled up and down again.

But wait...

"You have no one in your life? But you told me you had a son? Broken Condom, was it?"

"I have no child. You think a man like me would get a girl to have sex with me? Without a condom, at that?"

"Then why the hell did you tell me you have a son?"

"I was just doing comedy, alright. You asked me if my son’s name was Jack Mihoff Too and I liked it. So I did one better by saying I call him Broken Condom. I can only make jokes now to compensate for my loneliness."

Ouf. Why does he sound so relatable?

"Alright. You have been a ghost for over fifty years now. Why are you still lonely? Didn’t you find any other ghosts? You can’t be the only one who subscribed to this kind of life? Even the dead channels have over thousands subscribers nowadays."

"Yes. There are other ghosts and I can be friends with them too. But..."

"But what?"

Jack covered his eyes once more.

"I am shit scared of ghosts! They give me the creeps!"

"..."

Motherfuc—

"You are a ghost yourself! How can you be scared of your own race? That’s level 999 of Racism."

"They are not of my race! They are ghosts because they had regrets, I am a ghost because I am a pervert. We are not the same, pal. And besides, they also don’t want to be friends with me after knowing I was summoning a Spirit to insert my spirit inside it."

I sighed. "So you are a lost cause, huh. Have you ever gone outside this prison? And I couldn’t be the only one you have talked to in these years, right? Some other prisoners must have arrived here."

"Yes. But among all the people I have talked to in this prison you are the best of them all."

I smiled. "Thanks, man. How many people have you talked to by now? Hundred?"

Jack smiled back. "Just two."

My smile vanished.

"You have only talked to two people for fifty whole years and now you tell me I am the best of them all. That’s not even a reasonable competition, bitch."

"No. You are way better than the previous guy I have talked to."

"Oh yeah? How was the previous guy?"

"Oh he was a degenerate, I tell you. I haven’t met that much rotten of a guy in my life and death too."

"Why are you saying this? What did he do?"

"What should I tell you, pal? First of all, he always told me to respect the girls, then he told me to study and do something for the Ghost community, he told me I should focus on myself and then I will find friends easily. He then said that I should say sorry to my landlady and pay her rent, And I could have dealt with all this but then, he crossed the line. He told me to stop looking at females like a starved beggar, like a virgin Orangutan. Can you believe it? He was a degenerate through and through."

"... I am afraid to ask but how am I better than that guy?"

"You are a normal man, pal. You also like girls. You can make some jokes. You are also a pervert. You also hate landlords and most of all..." Jack showed a warm smile. "You are also a molester."

"Da fuck? I am not a molester! And that first guy was not a degenerate. He was a Nobel citizen. He was telling you the good and proud way to live. Your fundamentals are upside down, man. Did you come out of a Bat?"

Jack went silent. He rubbed his chin.

"So he was a good man?"

"Yes!" I said.

"Then it means I killed him for nothing."

My brows shot up.

"You killed him? You can kill people?"

"Why, yes. I killed him."

"I see." I cleared my throat and then...

"Yes. He was a degenerate. Who says things like that? Respect? Sorry? Meh. He must have had a very bad upbringing. You did good killing him. We don’t need people like him. This world is already cooked as it is. It needs people like us."

Jack frowned. "Did you just change your opinion?"

"What? No. Haha. I sided with that guy before to see whether you really like me or not. Now I am sure so I said my true feelings."

"That’s good then." Jack said and I heaved a sigh of relief.

Of course he could kill people. He was a ghost. He could just possess people and do the deed. I don’t want to reach a near death state again.

Thank god, I changed my opinion—with a heavy heart—as fast as possible.

"But you know, Racis pal. I didn’t wanted to kill that guy."

"Sure. You are a good man."

"If he just had a strong immunity he would be alive right now."

"Hmm? Immunity? Immunity from whom? Ghosts?"

"Why would he need immunity from ghosts?"

"Because you, a ghost, killed him, right?"

"What? Me? Oh. No. No."

"Then?"

"He died because of the flies roaming around my dead body. The dude was allergic to them. He died just after spending one day with them. So technically, I killed him. Wait... did you think I literally killed him? Like possessing his body and shit? I haven’t even been able to kill my time, pal. What makes you think I could kill a live man? Hahaha. You are funny, pal. And dumb too!"

Jack laughed like a turtle after winning a race against a rabbit.

And I...

"Jack," I said.

"Yeah. What is it?"

"That guy was allergic to flies, right?"

"Yes. What about it?"

I made a christ cross with my fingers.

"I am officially allergic to ghosts from this point now... Purge!"