CHAPTER 108: A MOST GLORIOUS BEATDOWN

The impact was a sharp, focused detonation, and the golem’s leg was torn from its socket.

He was a whirlwind of death, a one-man army carving a path directly towards the enemy commander.

The battle raged for two long, brutal hours.

My forces were overwhelming.

The dwarven defenders, for all their courage and craftsmanship, were being systematically, ruthlessly dismantled.

Finally, only one enemy was left standing.

Sein Akira, the Kin of the Dwarf King.

He stood on his command platform, his powered armor dented and smoking, his massive warhammer held in a white-knuckled grip.

He was surrounded by a mountain of his fallen comrades.

But he was not broken.

"So," he growled, his voice a deep, rumbling sound of pure, unadulterated hatred. "You have come for our forge. You will not have it."

"Actually, I’m here for your boss," I said, stepping out of the shadows. "But I’ll settle for you."

"Hold, my Lord!" Saburo’s voice, full of a new, strange confidence, cut through the air.

He stepped forward, his own, slightly-less-impressive sword held ready.

"This one is mine," he declared. "This is my destined battle! A duel of commanders! A clash of wills!"

I looked at him.

I looked at the very large, very angry dwarf in the power armor.

I looked at the simmering impatience on the faces of my other, far more effective, commanders.

"Fine," I sighed. "You have sixty seconds. Make it snappy."

The duel was... a thing that happened.

Saburo was all flash and dramatic, telegraphed swings.

Sein was a wall of solid, unyielding defense.

It was like watching a hyperactive hummingbird try to fight a boulder.

After a minute of this pointless, clanging ballet, I had had enough.

"Time’s up," I said, my voice flat.

I raised a single hand. A bolt of pure, solidified shadow shot from my palm.

BOOM!

It slammed into the back of Sein’s knee, and the massive dwarf stumbled.

That was the signal.

The rest of my team descended upon him like a pack of very angry, very pointy wolves.

It was a brutal, one-sided, and deeply satisfying beatdown.

Saburo, wanting the glory, pushed his way through the dogpile to land the final, killing blow.

He stood over the fallen dwarf, his chest heaving, a triumphant grin on his face.

"You see?" he declared to the corpse. "You underestimated our bonds! Our friendship! Our... stuff!"

"Oh, for the love of..." Sarah began, but she was cut off by a sudden, brilliant flash of golden light.

The light enveloped Saburo.

He had leveled up.

He turned to us, his eyes wide with a dawning, ecstatic joy.

A glowing, translucent screen had appeared in front of him.

"My Lord!" he exclaimed, his voice cracking with emotion. "I... I have reached Level 50! I can evolve!"

I stared.

Takaharu and Sarah, whose own levels were far lower, stared.

This idiot.

This embarrassing, chuunibyou, cape-wearing intern.

Had just become the second human in my entire army to reach the pinnacle of mortal power.

The universe wasn’t just a comedian.

It was a surrealist performance artist on a very, very strange acid trip.

The invasion of the Dwarf King’s mountain was on hold.

It was time for a promotion.

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The great forge was silent.

The last of the Dwarven commander’s life force faded from the air, leaving only the smell of burnt metal and ozone.

My army stood victorious, a brutal and beautiful collection of monsters, demons, and one very confused former hero.

Then, the golden light erupted.

It wasn’t a spell.

It wasn’t a trap.

It was an obnoxious, triumphant fanfare of pure, unadulterated System bullshit, and it was centered entirely on Kevin.

My chuunibyou intern, the self-proclaimed Scythe of Sorrow, was bathed in the holy light of a level-up.

He turned to us, his eyes wide with a dawning, ecstatic joy.

A glowing, translucent screen, a sight I had only ever seen once before, appeared in front of him.

"My Lord!" he exclaimed, his voice cracking with an emotion so pure it was almost sickening. "I... I have reached Level 50!"

He looked at the screen, his jaw hanging open.

"I can... evolve!"

I stared.

Takaharu, the Beast King who had joined us, stared. His own level was far lower.

Sarah, the former Demon Queen, stared. Her expression was one of pure, aristocratic disbelief.

This idiot.

This embarrassing, cape-wearing, monologue-loving intern.

Had just become the second human in my entire, sprawling empire to reach the pinnacle of mortal power.

The universe wasn’t just a comedian.

It was a surrealist performance artist on a very, very strange acid trip.

"Well," I said, my voice flat, cutting through the stunned silence. "This is... an unexpected development."

I immediately opened a private mental channel to my Head of Defense, Old Man Yori, back at the Crystal Spire.

"Yori," I commanded. "The intern just hit the level cap. I need your input. Now."

Yori’s voice, usually a calm, reedy sound, was filled with a surprising urgency. "My Lord, this is a critical moment! Saburo... Kevin... he is more important than you realize!"

"He’s important because he’s a walking, talking tactical nuke of cringe," I muttered. "How is this a good thing?"

"He is a human, my Lord!" Yori explained, his voice trembling with feeling. "A former human, like me! Like you! My other subordinates... they are creations. They are loyal, but they are not... people. They do not understand the burden of our past lives. Saburo... he gets it. He is a fool, yes. But he is a human fool. He keeps me from becoming... isolated. Like a king alone in a castle of puppets."

I paused. The old man’s words hit a little too close to home. I had Pixia, yes, but she was more of a walking, talking search engine than a friend.

"He’s been insecure, my Lord," Yori continued. "Panicked. He sees the power of the others—Takaharu, Sarah, Izayoi. He feels his own weakness. This desire to evolve, it is not just for power. It is a very human fear of being left behind. Of becoming useless."

A new, frustrating understanding dawned on me.

Kevin wasn’t just an idiot. He was a relatable idiot.

"So, what do you suggest?" I asked, my voice laced with a weary resignation.

"Let him choose, my Lord," Yori pleaded. "But guide his hand. He will want to emulate you. It is the nature of his... condition."

I closed the channel and looked at Kevin, who was still staring at his evolution screen like it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"Alright, Kevin," I said, striding over to him. "Let’s see the options."

He proudly showed me the screen. A list of six potential paths glowed in the fiery air of the forge.

It was then that he looked at me, his eyes shining with a terrifying, cult-like devotion.

"My Lord," he said, his voice dropping to a low, serious whisper. "There is only one path for me. The path that will allow me to stand by your side, not as a subordinate, but as a true brother in darkness!"

My blood ran cold.

"I wish to become a Vampire Lord!" he declared. "We shall be the two pillars of this new world! The twin dragons of the abyss! Sworn brothers, bound by blood and an eternal night of glorious, brooding conquest!"

I stared at him.

His stupid, earnest face. His stupid, dramatic cape. His stupid, creepy, and profoundly uncomfortable request to become my vampire brother.

"No," I said.

The word was a flat, absolute wall.

Kevin’s face fell. "But... my Lord... our bond..."

"There is no bond," I said, my voice dangerously quiet. "There is a command structure. I am your Lord. You are my subordinate. We are not ’bros.’ If you ever use the term ’sworn brothers’ again, I will personally have Grak use you as a dumbbell. Am I clear?"

"Y-yes, my Lord," he stammered, his dreams of a vampiric bromance shattering into a million tiny, embarrassing pieces.

"However," I continued, deciding to throw him a bone before he started crying. "Your desire for a versatile class, one that can support both defense and offense, is strategically sound. A noble choice, in fact."

I tapped the screen, selecting an option before he could argue.

[Vampire Noble].

"This one," I declared. "It is a class of leadership and power. It will serve you well in your duties as a commander of my new ’Absurdly Theatrical Entrance’ division."

Kevin looked at the screen, then back at me. A slow, grateful smile spread across his face.

"A noble," he whispered, the word tasting like victory on his tongue. "Yes, my Lord. I shall be the noblest of your servants!"

[Confirm Evolution to Vampire Noble? Y/N]

"Just press the button, Kevin," I sighed.

He did.

The golden light returned, but this time it was mixed with swirling shadows. Kevin’s form shifted, becoming taller, leaner. His floppy hair seemed to gain a new, aristocratic wave.

Even his stupid cape seemed to hang with a bit more dignity.