Chapter 626 The End of Truth (3)

"Take it."

Rene held her breath as she looked at the paper that Rudger handed her.

"It's better for you to see it directly."

It was a memory storming paper that Rudger had kept ready at all times, thinking that this moment might come someday.

Rene knew what she had to do.

With trembling hands, she held the paper and raised her magic.

Then her vision changed.

Rene's mother was about to make an extreme choice.

In the night when everyone was asleep, she went to the forest alone, leaving Rene behind, and pretended to run away while attempting to take her own life.

That action was certainly worthy of blame, but would someone else have made a different choice in her position?

She left the cabin secretly at night and headed to the forest.

Even though each step must have felt like her flesh and muscles were being torn apart, she kept walking for Rene.

With the sole determination not to show her painful appearance to her beloved daughter, she arrived in the forest like that and was about to face a quiet death alone.

But there was one thing she overlooked: Rudger had secretly followed her.

Rudger stepped in to stop her as she was about to swallow poison with trembling hands.

"What are you doing right now!"

Rudger glared at her with a genuinely angry face.

Although he couldn't know exactly what that medicine was, he could at least guess it wasn't good if she had to come out at night to drink it secretly.

In fact, the expression on Rene's mother's face when her actions were discovered proved it.

"Don't tell me you were trying to die? Why?"

"I'm tired now."

Eventually, having been caught, she honestly confessed to Rudger about her physical condition.

As he listened to her story, Rudger's expression became grimly hardened.

"So you chose death? What about Rene? What about Rene!"

"I only feel sorry for our daughter. But, I have no choice."

Her pale lips trembled.

Even as she was having this conversation with Rudger, she was fighting against pain.

"I tried to find a solution from Ms. Grandel, but even that failed. I have no way to survive anymore. I didn't want to be like this."

Tears flowed down her cheeks as she spoke with a trembling voice, as if making an accusation.

Seeing that, Rudger couldn't bring himself to say that she still needed to live.

Is a life filled with nothing but pain truly right?

Can living with indescribable suffering really be called living?

Perhaps death is the true rest.

That unsettling thought wouldn't leave Rudger's mind.

Rudger clenched his fist tightly.

"Please. Help me end the pain."

She, who used to act confidently and smile at Rudger, was slowly crumbling in pain.

Rudger's face contorted at the sight of her desperately pleading with tears.

Rudger's lips, which were about to say something, had to close when he saw her coughing roughly afterward.

What flowed with the cough was blackened, dead blood.

Her expression turned pale as she looked down at that blood.

With her trembling hands, she reached into her bosom and pulled out a sharp dagger.

Just as she was about to stab her neck with the dagger that faintly gleamed in the moonlight, Rudger grabbed her wrist.

Rudger's body shuddered.

He couldn't help but react that way when he caught a glimpse of the emotion in her eyes as she looked at him with her wrist held.

Countless thoughts and words flashed through his mind.

However, what came out of Rudger's mouth was neither persuasion, apology, nor words of blame.

It was the name of a child.

"Rene."

"......"

"What about Rene?"

Light returned to her cloudy eyes.

With an "Ah," she exhaled empty air, and the strength in her hand completely disappeared, causing the dagger to drop to the floor.

"I, I......"

"......"

"At first, I thought about being honest with Rene."

"......"

"But how can I tell that child, my only daughter, that her mother will die painfully, coughing up blood? Do you know how that feels? Do you understand that feeling of wanting to leave only good memories for your precious child before you go?"

Rather than meeting a pathetic death after writhing in pain.

It was better to become a bad mother who abandoned her child and ran away.

"I wanted to stay with her until the end. Because if I leave, that child will be alone. She'll be left alone in this world. But at some point, watching you and Gabriel, my thoughts started to change little by little."

Even without her, there would be people to take care of Rene.

That's why she made this choice in the end.

"I'm sorry. Knowing I shouldn't do this, but still dumping it on you."

"You."

Rudger said to her in a trembling voice.

"You are truly a selfish person."

"......That's right. I guess I'm really selfish and a bad mother."

She smiled faintly.

When Rudger released the wrist he had been holding, she picked up the dagger that had fallen to the floor with trembling hands.

But perhaps due to the pain inflicted on her body, she couldn't even grip the dagger properly.

So she made a selfish choice at the very end.

She handed her dagger to Rudger.

"You choose."

"......"

"You can throw this away. Or else......"

She didn't finish, but Rudger could tell what she wanted.

Rudger silently looked down at the dagger in his hand.

All kinds of thoughts passed through his mind.

This is a tragedy, a faltering choice that could only happen in a twisted world.

Rudger gripped the handle of the dagger tightly.

He stared at her with eyes filled with sorrow, anger, self-loathing, and remorse but didn't answer.

However, just with that look and attitude, he could sufficiently convey to her what he was going to do.

"Thank you."

In her final moment, she cried brightly as if she was finally free.

At the same time, she smiled sadly as if she had placed an indelible burden on those left behind.

-Thud.

The terrible sensation felt from the hand holding the dagger.

Although Rudger was the one who most didn't want to make such a choice, his dagger accurately pierced her heart to send her off as quickly as possible, without pain.

This is death as salvation.

The best rest one could offer.

To someone who is suffering.

───

A whisper was heard in the darkness.

His head spun, and everything in the world mixed turbidly like water poured into a watercolor painting.

In that distorted world, the sight of her slowly closing her eyes and collapsing was captured in slow motion.

Blood flowing along the dagger wetted his palm.

At that terribly warm sensation, Rudger deeply sighed in his heart.

"Mo, ther?"

Startled by the sudden voice, Rudger's head slowly turned.

There stood someone who shouldn't have been there: Rene and Freuden.

Rene, whose face still looked drowsy as if not fully awake, stared at Rudger and her mother with a somewhat dazed expression.

Beside her, Freuden, who seemed to have brought Rene out, couldn't say anything, his eyes wide open at the catastrophe unfolding before him.

"I......"

Just as Rudger was about to say something.

Gabriel appeared from the air and lunged at Rudger like a beast.

"Ah, aaaah!"

Rudger fell down, and Gabriel, who got on top of him, grabbed Rudger's collar with both hands.

What came from his contorted expression was a sobbing outcry that couldn't even be called language.

"Why, why! Why in the world!"

That's right. Why indeed.

Rudger asked himself but couldn't provide an answer.

The only thing he could be certain of was that he had made a choice.

"Because it had to be done."

He decided to alleviate her pain.

He chose to willingly bear her burden instead.

It didn't matter even if it carved a wound of sorrow deep into his soul.

Rudger immediately struck Gabriel's side with his hand, disrupting his balance, and then reversely knocked him to the ground.

Rising from his position, Rudger slowly approached Rene, who was blankly staring at him.

"Do, don't come near!"

Freuden blocked his path, glaring at Rudger with fiery eyes.

It was a hot gaze, as if lava was boiling.

Rudger extended his hand towards Freuden.

Blue magic surrounded Freden’s head, and Freuden, who tried to resist, ended up fainting.

Leaving the fallen Freuden behind, Rudger approached Rene, crouched down in front of her who was sitting.

"Fa, ther? I, I came to look for Mom."

Rene's eyes moved towards her mother's corpse, which looked as if she was soundly asleep.

"But Mom......"

"Rene."

Rudger slowly extended his hand towards Rene.

His outstretched index finger touched her forehead.

"This is just a nightmare."

The magic was activated.

Rene's eyes slowly closed, and a lock was placed deep in her memory.

"When you wake up from the dream, you'll forget everything, such a nightmare."

Rudger raised his bent body and looked around.

Gabriel was holding onto her dead body and wailing, while Rene and Freuden were asleep.

"So things have ended up like this."

It was then that Grandel revealed herself from the darkness of the forest.

"Master."

"Foolish one. There was no need for you to do such a thing. Do you realize?"

"......"

"Not being able to leave someone in pain. Who's worrying about whom, why don't you worry about your own situation first?"

Grandel strongly rebuked Rudger, unlike her usual self.

Rudger simply listened to Grandel's words silently.

"......Haa. I wonder what meaningless words I'm saying. You've had it tough."

"I will find it."

"......What did you just say?"

"I will find it so that there will be no more innocent victims."

That day, Rudger made a vow to uncover the secret of non-attribute magic and prevent more people from dying and suffering because of it.

"Absolutely."

"You know the story after that. I sent you, with your memory sealed, to your master while I wandered the world with my master."

"So......"

Rene felt dizzy after witnessing all the truth of that day.

She had vaguely thought that Rudger wasn't the kind of person who would do such a thing but the truth she actually faced was so painful that Rene still found it difficult to accept the reality.

"I still don't understand. Even if there was such a reason, you killed my mother and sealed my memory."

"Because I didn't want you to know that truth. I was afraid of you being sad and broken."

"Didn't you think about when I would find out the truth?"

"Even knowing that, people tend to focus on putting out the urgent fire. I know this all happened because of my selfishness. No matter how cruel the truth is, you had the right to know, but I didn't even give you that chance."

Rudger had given Rene a false world.

Although he tried to justify it as being for Rene's mental health.

No matter how well-intentioned, this was ultimately nothing but deception.

"Rene. Since that day, I've seen many things traveling the world. I've seen the wide world and met many diverse people. People who despair at the reality that can't reach their lofty ideals. People who have talent but are blocked by harsh reality. Even people who sat down in front of cruel fate and eventually gave up."

He had seen so many people and experienced many things.

His life was a journey marked by countless periods, and it was still ongoing.

"I've seen people perish with my own eyes. Sometimes I could help, and sometimes I didn't even have the opportunity to extend my hand. Looking back, there were more regrettable things."

Rudger repeatedly wavered as he either harmonized with people or clashed with their lives.

Pushing forward what he desired so much in that chaotic whirlpool was not as easy as it sounded.

"I wasn't without the desire to give up and sit down. Rene. It must be the same for you. You too must be suffering from learning an unbearable truth."

Maybe that's why he had been hiding the truth and concealing his identity under the pretext of consideration.

Because knowing is a terrible curse.

Because it would have been better not to know.

"But now I know."

Rudger realized.

Most prefer comfortable lies, but not everyone is like that.

"You chose the path of discovering the truth, no matter how cruel it may be. You made choices facing your life, not avoiding it."

Though it's a difficult reality, she chose to live.

Though it's a cruel truth, she chose to face it.

"I'm truly sorry."

Rudger apologized with sincerity.

Rene felt something welling up from deep within her heart.

At that sincere apology, Rene felt sadness and gratitude.

They couldn't go back to the way things were, and she hated Rudger for ruining it, but at the same time, knowing how harsh the life Rudger had shouldered was.

Having read his memories, she could feel it more certainly than anyone else.

The sadness of that day. The pain. The despair.

Nevertheless, Rudger did not succumb.

He had kept searching.

"Perhaps, we can never return to the way we were."

To those times when they got along like brother and sister.

To those times when they shared teachings as teacher and student.

They can never go back.

Because too much has happened.

Because they've come too far.

"But I promise you this one thing for certain."

"What kind of promise?"

"Someday, when I achieve all my goals, when I finally quell this chaos."

Rudger conveyed his will as he looked straight into Rene's eyes.

"I will give you the choice of my life."

That is the last atonement I can make to you.