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    “Anyway, in case you couldn’t tell, we’re both fans of Italian food. So she wanted to make sure there was enough spaghetti for both of us and figured a pound per person would do the trick.”

    “No!” Gianni practically hoots withughter.

    “Add in that she forgot to put a lid on the sauce, so that started bubbling and spitting all over the stove, counter, and backssh.”

    I slide down into my chair and wish for the floor to swallow me. “I did my best.”

    “Needless to say, we had pizza that night.” Dad casts a fond smile across the table. “She’s not lying though, she’s always done her best. Always thinking she had to take care of me, even when she was seven. Then again, she always has been an old soul.

    “I used to feel that way about Tatiana,” Gianni agrees. “There were times when she would look me in the

    eye with so much wisdom, it was almost scary. Here’s this little kid imparting wisdom andmon sense. It was rather humbling.”

    “That’s a good word for it,” Dad agrees.

    Meanwhile, here I am, wondering if I should pinch myself and refusing to, because let’s face it, I don’t want to break the spell. If I’m asleep, I don’t want to wake up. This is nice, watching them get along and findingmon ground. Even if it means taking a little teasing.

    By the time we start on thesagna and bread, they’re talking about football and yoff chances. I don’t know much about that, so I tune them out and settle for appreciating how much they seem to have inmon once they set aside their differences. I hope it can always be this way, but I’m not naive enough to fully believe that. I’m not going to wish for a miracle. I need to work on appreciating the good moments rather than hoping for something even better.

    “I am absolutely, painfully stuffed.” Gianni pats his stomach before pushing away from the table after what felt like a lifetime of football talk, staring down at his clean te. “I don’t know where I put it all. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you slipped something into that. It’s addictive.”

    “It looks like I learned to make something the right way,” I retort, smirking at Dad.

    “I’m going to go get myself a drink.” Gianni turns to Dad. “Can I interest you in anything?”

    Dad clears his throat, suddenly looking a little embarrassed. “No, thank you. I… have stopped drinking.”

    Thave to grip my chair to keep myself from falling off. “Like, entirely?” I ask.

    “You don’t need to make it sound so surprising,” he says with a gentle smirk. “Yes, entirely. I figured now is the time to get a grasp on it. I want my grandchild to have good memories of me- and I would like to be able to remember spending time with them, too.”

    “Wow, I’m… I’m so happy to hear that.” I reach out and cover his hand with mine. Do not cry. Don’t be aplete dork about this.There’s nothing worse than somebody making a big deal over an issue he would rather they not. I don’t want to embarrass him.

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    Gianni leans down and kisses my forehead in passing. I lift my eyes to meet his and see the silent message he’s sending me.Do it now. For both of you I know he’s right. I just don’t know how to approach the subject.

    “Let’s go outside for a minute,” I suggest, groaning as I stand. “I need some fresh air to help me digest all my food. Remind me next time not to take seconds.”

    “You’re eating for two now,” he reminds me.

    “Tonight, I ate for four,” I joke as we head for the doors leading out to the patio. The unusual warmth from earlier today has given way to something closer to what I’d expect inte September, and I shiver a little before rubbing my arms.

    “I have to admit, this is impressive.” Dad heads straight for the outdoor kitchen, as I knew he would. “What I wouldn’t do for a grill like this.”

    Then, it’s like he catches himself, lowering the lid carefully. “Within reason.”

    “Lighten up a little,” I whisper. “Maybe you coulde over sometime, and we’ll grill together.”

    “I’m doing my best,” he murmurs, shrugging.

    “You’re doing great, and I’m so happy you’re here.” I wind an arm around his and rest my head on his shoulder. “It means a lot to me to have you here, and I want you to be a part of my life.

    “That’s all I want, too.”

    “And Gianni wants you to be part of things.” I can’t pretend I don’t notice the way he stiffens up at the mention of Gianni’s name. “It was his idea to invite you over tonight, since he knew it would make me happy. That’s all he wants, for me to have the things that make me content. And you’re one of those things.”

    He absorbs this in silence as we walk the perimeter of the pool. Night has fallen so the automatic lights shine under the water’s surface. When a faint breeze stirs the otherwise still water, the light ripples across his pensive face. “It’s not easy to drop a habit you’ve had for years.”

    “You mean the habit of hating him? I’m going to have to ask you to try.”

    “I am.”

    “Can I tell you something? Something important.”

    “Always.”

    I can do this. I can make it through this. “Remember I told you he was going to help find out what happened to Mom.” His jaw tightens before he nods

    Ie to a stop and turn to face him, taking his hands in mine. “He found out. We know who killed her.”

    His eyes move over my face. “You’re serious? You aren’t just telling me what you know I need to hear?”

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    “I’m serious. He guessed it had something to do with his business-someone who wanted to clear

    path and make things easy for them to strike a deal. I don’t know any of the specifics. He doesn’t tell me those things, and I honestly don’t want to know.” I pretend not to notice the way he scowls.” But he followed that hunch and asked around.”

    I have to fight against the sudden tightness in my throat, being that this is where Kenes in. But I won’t tell him. I can’t. It would break his heart. It’s already broken mine enough.

    “So? Who was it?”

    “It was a man named Salvatore Costello.”

    His expression hardens. “I know that name.”

    “Salvatore ordered a hit,” I whisper, speaking slowly, ready to stop if he can’t handle it. He seems to be holding up pretty well, so I add, “I’m sorry, Dad. It was supposed to be you, not Mom. It was a mix-up. Gianni didn’t know anything about it-remember, I didn’t know Tatiana then, and now, Costello is dead. I’m sorry, but there’s no way to make it right. I wish I had better news.”

    “And you believe this is all true?”

    My eyes sting from the tears welling up in them. “I do, Dad. I know it’s true.”

    Please, don’t press me for more. Please. You don’t want to know how I know.

    “So it was supposed to be me.” His face drops, his voice thick with emotion. “Well, I always knew that had to be a possibility.”

    “I’m so sorry.”

    “”

    “You know what’s funny?” he asks with a bitterugh. “I don’t know what I expected. Finding out the truth doesn’t change anything. She’s still gone. thought it would heal me somehow, but I don’t think it will. I can stop ming Gianni,” he admits. In the end, that’s a good thing. But it doesn’t change anything, does it? The damage was already done.”

    “Maybe now you can move forward,” I suggest. “I know she would want you to, seeing that she loved you, just like I do.”

    “Oh, honey.” He wraps his arms around me and sighs, pressing his lips to the top of my head. “I know I need to move on with life. I’ve been thinking about it a lot -mostly thanks to my unborn grandchild. It’s the same as with drinking, I believe. I want them to have the sort of grandfather they can love and be proud of. I don’t want to miss a minute with them. I have more to live for the now rather than let the past eat away at me further.”

    I can’t help it. The tears start to flow, soaking into his polo. And, for a minute, I cling to him like I’m a little girl again. Like, I think he’s big enough and strong enough to take care of all the bad guys and make all the bad stuff disappear.

    x

    “Don’t cry,” he whispers, stroking my hair. “I know I’ve been hard on you, and I’m so sorry. I wish I could go back and do everything over again. You didn’t deserve half the shit I put you through.”

    “It’s okay.”

    MS

    “No, it’s not. I was paranoid and scared. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. And there I was, setting it up so I would lose you by pushing you away. I’m surprised you want anything to do with me now.”

    “Don’t say that.” I lift my head to find him crying, too. “I know you did your best. There’s no instruction manual for that kind of thing. All you can do is try.

    “I want you to know something.” He holds my head between his hands, smiling through his tears. Regardless of everything, your mother would be so proud of you. You have be a wonderful woman, loving and kind, and generous. Exactly the way she always hoped you would be.”

    “Really?” I manage to choke out.

    “Really. I look at you, and I see so much of her-all of the good parts. And to think, I could have missed out on that, because I was too busy worrying about you and trying to control what you did and who you saw. I can’t take it back, but I can tell you here and now that it’s going to stop. It’s all going to change. If you are happy, I’m happy. That’s all that matters.”

    “I love you so much.” I wrap my arms around his waist and press my forehead to his chest while he touches his chin to the top of my head. Together we take a deep breath and let it out slowly; with it goes all the years of pain and sadness.

    I genuinely believe we will start over again and be the family we were always meant to be.

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