CHAPTER 70: DON’T CAST ME ASIDE

"Linus?"

Miranda’s voice pulls him back.

"Hmm?" he answers absently.

"What are you thinking? You even stopped tying your tie."

She walks over, takes the tie from his hands, and helps him with it.

Linus chuckles lightly. "Liam told me last night that he met Aldriana. And this morning, he informed me that Arthur and Julian are now on his side."

"Well, that’s what we expected. And that’s a good thing, isn’t it?" Miranda smooths the tie.

He nods slowly. "Yes. It’s a good thing, for Liam."

He takes a deep breath. "I just hope he realizes what he’s getting into. Arthur Montrose isn’t an easy man to work with. But he’s one of the best. This could be good for him."

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Click.

The door opens quietly.

Arthur steps inside, careful not to make a sound.

"How is she?" he whispers to Leila, who’s sitting by the bed, watching over Theo.

"Her fever broke about thirty minutes ago," Leila answers softly. "She’s sleeping now."

Arthur exhales, the tension in his shoulders easing.

"Why did she suddenly have a fever?"

Leila shakes her head. "I don’t know. The doctor doesn’t either. He said it came and went too quickly. If you hadn’t found her, we wouldn’t even have known she was sick."

Arthur nods slightly, eyes resting on Theo’s sleeping face.

Just a few hours ago, after his meeting with Julian and Liam, they had agreed that they needed to speak with Thea about Aldriana.

It was decided Arthur would be the one to do it. Both Julian and Liam knew that if Arthur didn’t say yes, it couldn’t be done.

So Arthur had gone to Thea’s room. The door was locked. He hadn’t thought much of it, until he heard her voice, soft but strained, like she was in pain.

He’d broken the door open without hesitation.

Inside, he found his sister burning with fever.

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Theo’s world is silent.

After Thea’s hysterical, broken laughter, everything went still, completely dead silent. His vision fades to pitch black.

It feels like drifting in a vast sea of void. No light. No noise. Nothing.

It reminds him of when he died. It was like this, too.

But this time, there’s a difference. Theo can think. He’s aware, he believes he can move his limbs, even if he can’t see them.

It feels as if something has swallowed him whole... yet he isn’t afraid.

Quite the opposite, he feels peaceful. Safe. Content.

Where is this? Am I dead? Again? Does that mean Thea’s dead too? What happened after she laughed? How did I die this time?

The questions loop endlessly in his mind, unanswered.

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In the outskirts of Selene, close to the hiking trail of Mount Helene, a stone arch six meters wide and ten meters tall quietly appears. The location is not close to any residence, making it easy to remain undiscovered.

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Theo doesn’t know how long he’s been in the void. It feels like a long time, but at the same time, it feels like he just got there. He has no sense of time. The only thing he knows is that he’s safe.

But staying here is useless. I need to go back.

Go back where? Another part of him asks. Isn’t it better to stay here? Your world is gone, your lover is dead, and your body has turned to ashes. Do you really want to return to Altheon and live as a woman?!

Theo falls silent.

All of that is true, but... why do I feel like I need to do it? That I need to return and live as Thea? Isn’t this a second chance at life for me? How many people are given this opportunity?

Hah! Stupid, Theo! Second chance at life. If it’s really that, why do you have to live in the body of a woman? Why not a man? The universe sure is cruel to you, and yet, you still want to follow its arrangement. You are stupid.

Theo falls silent again.

I understand you, believe me I do. You are me, and we have doubts. But if we keep the doubts without doing anything, then... we will never have the answer now, do we?

So, I need to return!

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Theo opens his eyes slowly. He blinks a few times and sees the ceiling of his room, the one he uses at the Montrose Estate, the one that is supposed to be temporary. But he feels it is his room.

The pink one, the one Leila is redecorating right now, is not my room. I don’t want to move there. I want to stay here.

Such an odd time to think about a room. But Theo doesn’t realize it. He only thinks he likes this room better.

Still lying on his back, he starts to scan his body for pain. He tests his ankle. It’s not throbbing. It’s not broken. Means I’m back.

He starts to scan the room with his eyes. His gaze stops at the head-sized heartstone that’s supposed to be azure in color, but it’s now clear, like other useless crystals.

Huh? That should be blue, right? Why is it not blue?

Then realization hits him. He jolts upright... only to see a startled Arthur.

"Thea? Are you okay?" he asks, with extra caution.

Theo frowns. The image of Arthur looking at him with pleading, hurtful eyes overlaps with the current Arthur.

Theo’s feelings and emotions are blending with Thea’s from his dream. They come suddenly, catching him off guard.

Tears start to well in his eyes.

That shocks Arthur.

"Thea! Are you okay?! Are you hurt somewhere? Tell me! I’ll call the doctor!"

Arthur is already turning to leave, but Theo stops him.

"Don’t."

"Stay."

So Arthur stays. He sits down on the bed and just pulls Theo into his embrace.

The moment Theo feels warmth, his dam breaks. All of his emotions, his frustrations, his grief, along with the residue of Thea’s emotions, frustrations, and guilt, mix into one and pouring out of him.

He cries and cries and cries. Arthur can only hug him, rocking him gently while patting his back, soothing him.

They stay like that for another five minutes before Theo’s crying subsides — until it becomes little sniffles.

Theo pulls out of the embrace and sees that Arthur’s shirt is soaked with tears. He immediately apologizes.

"Ah, don’t worry about it. It’ll dry soon enough."

Arthur looks at Theo gently and uses a tissue to wipe his face.

"It’s okay, Thea. Cry if you feel like it. You don’t need to tell me why you cry... well, maybe tell me later, so that I don’t worry."

Theo chuckles at that.

He’s a little embarrassed that he let his emotions get the better of him. When he was the Archmage, this never happened.

But he has to admit – now, he feels a tremendous relief, like a heavy weight has been lifted off his chest.

"I... saw... you... in my dreams."

Theo starts slowly, pausing to catch his breath between words.

"Okay. Go on."

Arthur gives a gentle nod.

Theo looks Arthur straight in the eyes. Even with tears still clinging to them, his gaze shows determination.

"It wasn’t your fault."

Arthur blinks.

"What wasn’t?"

"It wasn’t your fault."

Arthur shifts, his posture stiffening. He looks uncomfortable.

"What... what wasn’t my fault?" he stammers.

"It wasn’t your fault, Arthur."

Theo sniffles and says it again, very gently but firmly.

Arthur’s eyes start to well, but he refuses to cry.

"Thea... don’t."

Theo repeats once more.

"It wasn’t your fault, Arthur. It never was."

For some reason, Theo knows that Thea would want Arthur to stop blaming himself for what happened to her. It wasn’t his fault.

"It was no one’s fault. If you want to blame something, blame life. Each of us was trying our best to survive. Well, you and Julian and Mother and Father did. I didn’t. I was too busy feeling hurt to see your efforts."

"You just said it wasn’t anyone’s fault, yet you’re blaming yourself," Arthur protests.

"This is not me blaming myself, Art. This is me speaking the truth. I’ve been caged in my own fear and paranoia. But I made no effort to break free. I was always hurt when the four of you said to me, ’Don’t worry about it, we’ll handle it.’"

"To me, it felt like you cast me aside, abandoned me, leaving me alone."

Theo stops Arthur from saying anything.

"I know. You didn’t mean it that way. But that’s what I felt. And I’m not blaming you. I’m explaining to you what happened. I... forgot about it after I woke up from my coma, but the dream I just had showed me what I’d forgotten."

When Arthur doesn’t say anything, just stares at him with lost eyes, Theo smiles and continues.

"I spent a good portion of my childhood being alone. You were rarely home, and when you were, you didn’t have time to play with me. You were busy talking with Mother, Father, and sometimes Julian. But not me."

"Then, later, Julian joined the lab and left me alone. I had no one to play with. At first, I thought I’d be okay, that I needed to grow up, and I’d be part of your world."

"But it didn’t happen. You all... excluded me. You were trying your best to protect me, I know that now, but back then... I felt abandoned."

Arthur’s face shifts. His eyes start welling again.

"Thea..."

His voice breaks.

"I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry. I never... I never meant any of that to happen. I was... I was..."

Arthur can’t continue without sobbing. He’s fighting his tears.

"I know. Of course you didn’t. You were fighting outside so I could be happy and away from all those fights, right? I know that. Now, I know that."

"So, Arthur Montrose, it wasn’t your fault. None of it. We need to clear that now." Theo grins.

Arthur chuckles. He doesn’t know what to say. He can only nod.

"Another thing. Don’t cast me aside. Let me fight too," Theo says.

Hearing that, Arthur takes a deep breath.

"Well then... you’ll be happy hearing what I’m about to say."