CHAPTER 283: SUPPORTIVE AS EVER

Before Irene could go on a journey far larger than she was, but undoubtedly possible based on her father’s explanation, which lasted well into the night, there was one last thing she needed to do before she could pack up and leave.

Supplies weren’t an issue. She was accustomed to setting up camps in unsavory places. Even sleeping in the winter was something she had learned well in the war—many travelers often said that they could warm themselves up better when it was just them all alone rather than having to share a fire with an entire army of men.

What was the issue was that Sorrel was growing older and, while he was fine for a few days at a time, she had been noticing the grey hairs that popped up throughout his mane and body. If she wasn’t mistaken, he was a bit harder to rouse in the colder weather as well.

Considering she was going to go someplace that would be even colder than Chemois, her father suggested she might need to find a new horse. He was an animal most loyal to her and who had carried her through all sorts of precarious situations. However, his loyalty made it so that he deserved to live out his final years in peace rather than in an accident or freezing to death because his gait and sure-footedness were a bit weaker than they once were.

Unfortunately, she certainly agreed that it would be kinder if she chose a different horse and, for the next two days, she found a horse who would be perfect for the ride north.

There was a fjord horse named Sammy with beautiful tan hair and a darker brown stripe that went through his mane. He was directly from a line of horses brought with her grandmother and their clan into Chemois. Considering he was built for traveling in the snow and surviving the cold, there was no better choice than him.

Irene was lucky that her father never had a horse in his stable who wasn’t anything less than meticulously trained, so even doing something as risky as taking him. At the same time, they didn’t know one another well, so it would be easy to control him until he did know her quirks while riding.

She visited her grandmother two more times, seeking all the advice she could before she decided to pack up and head back to the Duke’s Tower. Felix was someone she needed to talk to the most. While he permitted her to go to her grandmother, he didn’t permit her to take a two-month-long journey to the north on a wild goose chase to seek books she had never seen before in her life.

Irene wished her family warm goodbyes. Her father embraced her a little bit tighter than usual before swearing that he would leave in two months if he didn’t hear from her yet.

"Thank you for trusting that I can do this," she said to the former knight.

"I did it when I was younger than you and you are far smarter than I was," he reminded her with a grin.

With that, Irene mounted Sammy, and they were off to the Duke’s Tower.

The entire journey was cold, but she found a way to appreciate it even when the snow fell. It gave her a true opportunity to test herself in the frigid winds and snowdrifts. The weather also afforded her the privilege to see Sammy conquer a snowy path as if it were a daily trot for him. He didn’t hesitate, and his eyes remained clear. He even shook snow off of himself on his own and seemed energetic each time she had to stop.

She was worried they had possibly changed directions, but fortunately, they found themselves at the halfway point between the Duke’s Tower and her father’s lands.

There she relished in warmth and having a stove already lit for her to keep her cozy while she slept. She made sure Sammy was given sweet oats so that even he would feel spoiled like royalty before the real challenges came to them.

Her gratitude for comfort continued all the way to the Duke’s Tower, where she was pleased to see activity as smoke rose from the chimneys and the sound of apprentices all about greeted her ears the second she entered through the large back door.

Felix was walking through the hallway and perked up at the sight of his subordinate entering the building.

"Irene, I wasn’t expecting you for another month at least," he admitted. "Even more than that, depending on how this winter treats us."

"What about two months?" Irene asked with a small, guilty smile.

"What do you mean?" Felix wondered.

"Would you mind if I eat supper and then we talk in the study?" she requested.

He seemed cautious to permit her that, suddenly feeling heavy about whatever she was going to tell him.

"I was already headed in that direction, so it’s perfect for me," he responded.

"Then I will see you in a moment."

The others were happy to see her. Particularly Gunnar and the apprentices William and Bren. It was a bit intimidating that she knew the two were going to get taller than her in only a little while, but it couldn’t be helped. There were biological differences between them that she couldn’t make up for. As long as she was still faster with a sword, that was all that mattered.

The conversations were light, and she excused herself without issue after eating, finally able to talk to Felix, hoping that he wasn’t too worried about what she was going to tell him.

She walked down the hallways a bit slowly, feeling every bit of the guilt that had already formed. However, she had to remind herself that, while she was prepared for the journey, that didn’t mean Felix was going to say yes. It was going to be hard, but she would have to accept that now wasn’t the time to go on such a journey, even if her grandmother only had a short time left.

When she walked into the study, her eyes landed on Felix, who was staring into the fire on the opposite wall with his fingers laced together in front of his mouth. His posture was curved, unlike his usual pristine, straight, and proud back, unburdened by anything despite how much it ought to be.

He was in silent contemplation, and she hoped it wasn’t directly because of what she said.

"Felix," she called to him gently as she made it further into the room.

Since he was sitting at the desk, she decided to join him there.

"Irene," he responded and sat up straight, looking ever the picture of strength that she had grown accustomed to. "What did you need to talk to me about?"

He had jumped to every possible conclusion already.

"There is no way to ask more from you than I already have by leaving to see my sick grandmother," Irene admitted with a light laugh. "But I feel as if I have no other choice."

"It was me who suggested you go," he reminded her. "Now spit it out, dame."

"In Sunstoian culture, there is a role of women called Volna that helps guide girls from adolescence into womanhood," she explained. "My grandmother is the last surviving one, but the current circumstances have caused her to bestow me with the honor."

At this, Felix seemed to tense up. He knew how important her culture was, but he couldn’t help agonizing over the fact that it sounded like she was going to quit the knighthood at least for a little while.

"What does this require of you?" he cautiously wondered.

"My grandmother had to choose between carrying my father here or all of the books that contain what it takes to become one," she confessed. "I have prepared to take the journey north and over the mountains, but that means that I will be away for two months at the very least."

Felix seemed to relax and Irene’s eyebrows lowered.

"I thought you were going to say you wanted to leave the knighthood for a while," he admitted a bit breathlessly. "You scared the hell out of me."

Irene’s eyes widened.

"No!" she insisted, waving her hands. "Never. I simply want to learn what is required of me with this new title. It will not get in the way of the knighthood, I merely want to relearn the language and get better acquainted with all of the books she left behind of my family’s culture."

"Of course, you have my blessing," Felix assured her. "But this journey will undoubtedly be dangerous. At which point am I allowed to send men north to follow you and make sure that you are doing well?"

Irene couldn’t help cracking a smile at that.

"You sound just like my father," she admitted. "He has already told me that if I’m not back within two months that he will start north on his own to follow me. He has done the journey himself twice even younger than me."

Felix should have known. He could only smile faintly at that.

"Don’t bother explaining this to the others," he explained. "I will tell them everything. Focus all of your energy on the arduous trail ahead. Godspeed, friend."

He offered his hand and they embraced one another’s forearms with their palms. He trusted her, she trusted him.

And she was ready to go on the journey that awaited her.