CHAPTER 409: DETERMINED NOT TO CHANGE

Savor it, Irene told herself, it’s unlikely something like that would ever happen again.

But she had gotten him to smile before. Even in bad situations, she had elicited laughs from him. Each time he wore a sad expression—the same way he was when he admitted that her silence was tearing him apart—she felt unbelievably burdened to fix it. To be responsible for his smile was so much more satisfying than being responsible for his sadness.

And he had confessed that she was the cause of it this time, so she decided to hug him and hope that the smile returned or the sadness, at least, disappeared.

However, Irene’s quick thinking led her to believe this was the wrong decision, and she almost escaped, but then she felt his arms go around her and his chin rest comfortably on the top of her head as if the two of them were a perfect fit together. She was tall for a woman, but he was still a head taller.

He smelled piney like the forest—a forest in which she was trapped and couldn’t leave. It caused her heart to race miserably, and she was momentarily worried he would feel it against him since there was a lack of space between them at that moment.

She needed to fill the lack of space with words.

"I was wrong in distancing myself," she admitted. "I’m sorry for hurting you. I couldn’t possibly despise you."

Because she liked him too much. She liked him so much it was hurting her and making her question decisions she had made for herself long before.

Nothing more could be said because the two heard footsteps coming towards the door. It seemed that they had been spotted easier than realized, but Irene had been greatly distracted by her Commander so she didn’t notice if someone had seen them from down the hall. There were other entrances to the dining hall, after all.

Irene quickly put distance between the two of them, unwilling to be further caught if that was the case. Beyond the door was her father. She had no explanation for herself.

The servant opened the door.

"Your Grace, are you coming in?" he asked.

"Of course," Henry answered quickly, but his voice communicated how thrown off he was, and Irene felt guilty.

She escaped into the room first, daring to peek over her shoulder before she could disappear from his sight completely. When she met his eyes, his look of alarm was obvious.

Did he hate the fact that she had hugged him? He had returned it so easily, though...

It wasn’t the time to agonize because she had already made it to the head of the table, where Earl Auden sat.

"Thank you for allowing us to stay in your wonderful home, my lord," she greeted the Earl, bowing at her waist.

"It’s a pleasure to have almost all the Litharions under my roof this year," the Earl responded.

She then was able to backtrack and see her father, who stood up and immediately embraced his daughter.

"My sweet Irene," he uttered into the top of her head as he placed a kiss in her wavy, lilac-smelling hair. "It’s been too long with too few letters in between."

The smile she offered her father was genuine when they pulled apart.

"I missed you terribly, Dad," she responded. "Winterization was rather busy this year, and I have a few scars to show for it."

"You’ll have to tell me about it later," he responded accompanied with a smile that crinkled his eyes.

Soon enough, it wasn’t just Irene and her father standing because the Duke was announced to the room. "Duke Henry Mattson, Commander of the Knights of Chemois."

Earl Auden was the first person Henry greeted with a nod of his head, but because his position was higher than the Earl’s, he didn’t have to walk all that way the way that she did.

There was a more important greeting to the Duke, it seemed, because he took it upon himself to walk to Irene’s father. She felt a bit on edge as her Commander approached her so closely just after what they had gotten up to in the hallway. However, it seemed Commander Henry was unaffected because he looked as perfectly fine as he usually did when he was facing a room.

"My lord," Henry greeted Arthur with a polite nod. "It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Even as a child, I heard people sing your praises. You are a knight we should all strive to be like."

Irene watched as her father’s expression was less friendly with the Commander, but it certainly wasn’t in a way to intimidate the man. He just simply wasn’t as affectionate and sweet with others as he was with his family.

Nonetheless, Arthur offered his arm in the embrace of a knight’s trust rather than merely his hand as a nobleman.

"You’re much younger than I realized, Your Grace," Arthur realized in amazement. "I prefer it that way. It would be hard to keep up with my sweet girl if you were an old man like the last Duke. She has always been so energetic."

Irene’s mouth dropped open in horror.

"Father!" she snapped, looking mortified. Her face heated up.

However, it didn’t seem to settle fully in to the Commander because his dark brown eyes had dropped to the embrace between him and the older knight. His eyes landed on Arthur’s hand, or rather, the lack of one.

"Ah, forgive me." Henry quickly composed himself.

"Did they not warn you about me?" Arthur asked with a hearty laugh. "Though useful in war, this hard hand is insensitive to the touch of love. In my excitement, I forgot to use my left."

The Earl, at the other end of the table, lightly cleared his throat. "If you’re finished, the food will get cold soon," the Earl politely announced.

Irene couldn’t help subtly eyeing the Earl as she sat down. He would hate it if the Duke was less like a noble and more of a knight like her father. She almost smirked victoriously. What the north needed as a Duke was a knight and not a tool of the King. Already, her Commander had made such a show of rebelliousness that his movements were unable to be pinned down by the King, who stayed comfortably in the capital.

The Commander greeted the other advisors who sat closer to the Earl, and only when he had finally sat down at his end of the table did the food start being brought into the room. Irene was on his left next to her father, and Felix was across from her at Henry’s right.

She smiled faintly at the second in command, relieved to see that he was there and hoping the Commander would put his attention on Felix rather than her. She felt wrong knowing that her desire not to be seen by him at all was the cause of their problem, but her feelings hadn’t changed. The hug hadn’t changed that she needed to get a hold of herself.

She felt happier when the servants also brought them wine. That would certainly ease the tension she was feeling. High-quality wine that the Earl undoubtedly served was probably strong as well.

Before they could dig in, a priest came into the room to bless their meal, and they were all required to bow their heads. It was the home of a true noble and so different from what they were used to at the Duke’s Tower and her own home growing up. They would undoubtedly be seen as disrespectful to god, the way none of the Knights of Chemois took it overly seriously.

At that, Irene couldn’t help glancing at the Commander, wondering how he was handling this environment, but he was already looking at her. She glanced away quickly and focused on her food she was finally allowed to eat, and her father, who was still talking.

"Are you eating enough?" Arthur asked his daughter as they were finally allowed a more relaxed meal, although a much quieter meal than with the knighthood. "You’ve lost weight."

"I’ve been lazing around this winter," Irene admitted. "I’ve probably lost muscle if anything."

However, Felix felt the need to interrupt.

"If training the apprentices every morning and getting into sword matches with the Commander is considered lazing around, then I suppose you have been."

Irene shot Felix a glare.

"I do consider that lazing around," she shot back. "Last winter, I was in the far north and not allowed a moment of rest, or it meant freezing to death."

Felix’s smile was only a bit wolfish, but he didn’t respond further. Best not to get into an argument from across the table in a room full of high strung nobles.

"Tell me, where are your new scars?" Arthur wondered.

"Ah..." Irene lowered her gaze from her father. She continued quietly, not allowing many others to be privy to the conversation. Other nobles likely didn’t take kindly to a woman with scars. "I feel terrible. One of the shin plates you had made for me is lost in a cave in the northern mountains. A rock collapsed and crushed my leg. Although the new scar is from a dire wolf."

"That doesn’t matter," Arthur responded. "As long as you have your leg, then the plate did its job. I can have a new one made for you that’s exactly the same. But you’re healed now, yes?"

She nodded, trying not to make a big deal out of it.

Except the burning gaze at Irene’s right side made her feel a bit hot in the head. The Commander had made a similar promise the day she got that injury. In hopes of cooling off, she sipped a bit more wine. The conversation felt somewhat easier.

It went on this way until the dinner slowly ended, and everyone was in their own pockets of conversation. To the guests’ surprise, Commander Henry stood up first.

"Thank you for your hospitality today, my lord," Henry said to the Earl. "Traveling has made me a bit tired. I will turn in first."

"We enjoyed your presence while we had it, Your Grace," the Earl responded easily.

Everyone in the room offered their own good night wishes. When the Duke’s eyes landed on Irene last, he looked at her a bit expectantly.

"Goodnight, Commander," she said a bit quietly, trying to ignore the expression or reading between the lines.

Perhaps it was the alcohol, but she found herself getting her hopes up for nothing. It was best to stay glued to her father’s side.

After his departure, Irene felt bad. She was relieved she didn’t have to interact with him more than that. Despite her words to him previously, nothing had changed because she wasn’t willing to embarrass herself further.