Chapter 275: Chapter 275: Why Do I Feel Guilty

She couldn’t sleep, every day she was in a state of constant mental strain.

Han Li said with a smile, “Let’s talk about it tomorrow, as for tonight…”

“It’s okay to have a drink, just consider it your last indulgence,” Han Li said.

Xu Jinzhi was stunned for a moment, but in the end, she nodded in agreement.

When Xu Jinzhi returned home, Tuantuan was taking care of Sui Sui like a little grown-up. Xu Jinzhi walked over and joined them in their play.

That night, Xu Jinzhi didn’t want to drink, but she couldn’t sleep. Thinking of Han Li’s words, she was a doctor, and since she said it was okay, it must be fine.

So Xu Jinzhi still couldn’t resist drinking, getting herself thoroughly drunk, and naturally, she was then able to fall asleep.

In the quiet bedroom, Xu Jinzhi was like a madwoman, crying silently as she drank.

In fact, the soundproofing in the bedroom was very good. Even if she had cried out loud, it wouldn’t have been heard from the outside. But Xu Jinzhi didn’t make a sound.

It wasn’t like she was afraid of being heard by others, but rather as if she was afraid of hearing herself.

Latter, when exactly Xu Jinzhi fell asleep, she didn’t even know herself.

After the darkness of night had passed, and Xu Jinzhi woke up again, no matter how uncomfortable she was, she would muster her energy.

Xu Jinzhi appeared in the office at the agreed upon time, just as she had the day before.

Seeing Han Li again, she still felt very unfamiliar, but it was different from their first meeting.

Xu Jinzhi could feel it herself. She thought that perhaps this was why Han Li hadn’t asked her too much the day before.

As they sat down again, Xu Jinzhi and Han Li talked like ordinary friends, but because Xu Jinzhi knew of Han Li’s specialty, she revealed even more to her.

Everything went smoothly, until Han Li asked Xu Jinzhi, “Why do you feel guilty?”

“What?” Xu Jinzhi looked at Han Li somewhat vacantly, as if she didn’t understand what she was saying.

Han Li repeated, “I can feel your sadness, your pain, and also your guilt.”

“You feel guilty about your husband’s accident, and I want to know why.”

Han Li was young, but she had her exceptional abilities, or else Assistant Chen wouldn’t have sought her out.

So even though it was only their first formal conversation, Han Li quickly pinpointed the issue.

A look of surprise flashed in Xu Jinzhi’s eyes, but the other person was staring at her so intently, she had nowhere to hide.

After a while, Xu Jinzhi said with a somewhat wavering voice, “Probably because I feel that I didn’t love him enough.”

She was always thinking, why hadn’t she been nicer to Xie Yanchuan, even nicer?

Han Li didn’t nod in agreement with Xu Jinzhi, she just watched her quietly.

She knew Xu Jinzhi wasn’t telling the truth, and Xu Jinzhi, while looking at Han Li, also clearly knew that Han Li didn’t believe her.

The conversation ended there. Han Li prescribed some medication for Xu Jinzhi, but because of the medication’s special nature, she controlled the dosage very well.

She agreed to give it to her at their next meeting.

Xu Jinzhi nodded in agreement, then took the medication and left.

On the way back, Xu Jinzhi was still thinking about the question Han Li had asked her earlier. Why did she feel guilty?

Why did she feel guilty?

Xu Jinzhi clenched her teeth tightly; of course, it was because Xie Yanchuan died because of her!

But she couldn’t tell anyone about it.

In her past life, after Xie Yanchuan died, she carried on with her life as if nothing had happened. Later, when she occasionally thought of Xie Yanchuan, she would think that Xie Yanchuan had just been unlucky, dying so young.

But now she knew, Xie Yanchuan had died because of her!

She had foolishly believed that it was Xie Yanchuan who was unlucky, but how could Xie Yanchuan possibly have been unlucky if it hadn’t been for her?

She really was laughable.

Xie Yanchuan, such a good person, should have lived a long and prosperous life.

It was she who had brought bad fortune upon Xie Yanchuan.

Xu Jinzhi clenched her teeth tightly, striving not to let herself be consumed by such emotions.

That night, after Xu Jinzhi had finished massaging Xie Yanchuan and cleaning his body, she returned to her bedroom only after making sure he was neat and tidy.

After having her own shower and getting ready, Xu Jinzhi prepared to go to bed.

She had barely stepped away when she remembered that she hadn’t taken her medicine, so Xu Jinzhi went to take it first.

This was the first time Xu Jinzhi had taken such a medication, and it worked quickly. Not long after lying in bed, Xu Jinzhi fell into a groggy sleep.

But she didn’t sleep peacefully.

She kept frowning, muttering something as though she was saying something. She could not break free from the nightmare.

All night, Xu Jinzhi remained in that state.

It wasn’t until the alarm clock rang that Xu Jinzhi suddenly woke, realizing the noise had pierced her nightmare.

Xu Jinzhi breathed heavily, sweating profusely as if she had just finished a run.

Staring blankly at the ceiling for quite some time, Xu Jinzhi finally came back to her senses. She sighed deeply and curled up on her side.

That night’s sleep left Xu Jinzhi feeling extremely fatigued, even more troubled than the headache she’d experience waking from a hangover.

But Xu Jinzhi knew this was a normal reaction, as Doctor Han had warned her the day before.

Moreover, after eating breakfast that morning, Xu Jinzhi took another kind of medicine. She had never experienced motion sickness before, but today she felt utterly nauseous.

Barely making it to the hospital, Xu Jinzhi couldn’t hold back any longer and went straight to the restroom to vomit.

When Xu Jinzhi came out again, she could see her disheveled reflection in the mirror by the washstand.

At that moment, Xu Jinzhi felt bewildered, as the person in the mirror seemed like a stranger, definitely not her.

Why did she look like this?

After staring for quite a while, Xu Jinzhi began to tidy herself up. When she was done, she took a deep breath and left the restroom.

~

Starting in May, the weather began to get hot, then hotter, as if trying to roast people alive.

Xie Yanchuan, as always, showed no response, lying there quietly.

Xu Jinzhi worked normally, but would visit Qing’an Temple every first and fifteenth day of the lunar month and also meet with Han Li every Monday afternoon.

With all sorts of chaotic matters combined, Xu Jinzhi was quite busy.

Maybe it was because of the immense pressure, exhaustion, or the reaction to medication, Xu Jinzhi got even thinner, carrying an unhealthy and shattered aura about her.

Compared with the beautiful and radiant Xu Jinzhi from a few months ago, she was unrecognizably different.