CHAPTER 74: WHEN OBSESSION TURNS INTO DESPAIR

Cassel — POV

Looking at the lively curve of her neck trembling between my hands, my tension didn’t fade, nor did I feel any joy for having saved her in time.

Because she should never have been in danger to begin with.

My treasure—my most precious thing.

Last time, I had sworn to protect her with every ounce of my strength and unwavering resolve, never letting her out of my sight so that she would be shielded from any danger or harm in my absence.

I swore that with my strength, it wouldn’t be difficult to give her a normal and safe life, even in this rotten world.

But what was the result?

Rosalia was trembling, her tears still frozen in her eyes.

She cried with sorrow and fear, clinging to me as if I were her last thread of salvation.

She had faced danger.

She had faced death.

She was injured.

She nearly lost her life.

And once again...

Once again, Rosalia had fallen into trouble while I wasn’t by her side.

Once again, she faced a mortal threat that nearly took her life—and tore her away from me forever.

What am I supposed to do?

What do I do with this fire raging in my chest?

What do I do with this flame that eats away at me, growing hotter every passing second?

What do I do with this unbearable pain—

The pain of imagining losing you... The pain of living without you.

What am I supposed to do with you, Rosalia?

Just tell me.

I pulled that trembling neck closer, tightening my hold around her.

Especially when she tried to move toward danger again.

She didn’t even have the strength to save herself—where did she get the confidence to walk toward danger on her own?

Where did she find the courage to believe she could confront that zombie, the one capable of brainwashing my men and controlling them with ease?

How did she intend to save them when she couldn’t even protect her own life?

"C...ae..."

In a soft voice, still trembling with fear, she called my name.

"Cae... I—"

I didn’t want to hear her speak.

Maybe she wanted to say she was hurting, that I was holding her too tightly.

I already knew my grip must have caused her pain.

But I couldn’t loosen it.

Because I was terrified she would slip from my arms the moment I let go—and I would lose her.

Terrified that if I released her, she would disappear from my life forever.

Nearby, I heard my men arguing.

Judging from their actions, it seemed the child zombie had also taken control of Frederic and two of General Zan’s men who came with us, and they were fighting violently.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Henry manipulating his wind to soften Liz’s flames, desperately trying to defend himself without hurting her.

I was not oblivious to my surroundings—I saw and heard everything.

I knew several battles were breaking out around us.

I heard my subordinates shouting.

I heard Ruben curse loudly, "Damn it, Frederic! How can you let a child zombie control your mind?! Wake up, idiot, or I’ll drown you in my toxic sludge and melt your flesh!"

Though he would never truly do that to his friend and comrade.

He kept dodging Frederic’s stone-covered body, trying to protect himself from his powers.

Other men were fighting with daggers and fists.

And Henry continued shouting Liz’s name, trying to remind her of herself so she could break free from the zombie’s control.

I saw everything.

I knew everything.

I knew this wasn’t the time to think about these chaotic emotions.

I knew I needed to intervene—to use my power, since I was the only one capable of restraining that child zombie of a completely different level, one that the others could not handle.

I knew, I knew all of it.

But my selfishness in that moment refused to let me think of anyone else.

I didn’t want to care about anyone’s life or death.

The only thing on my mind was how to deal with Rosalia—

How to keep this woman by my side.

How to make sure she stayed safe with me.

Then suddenly, a thought crossed my mind.

A foolish, insane thought.

"I wish you were smaller, Rosalia..."

I wish you were small enough to fit in my palm.

I wish you were tiny enough to carry in my pocket at all times.

I wish I could tie you to me so you’d never take a single step away.

But what angers me most... is that this time, I am the one who allowed you to go far.

I am the one who pushed you away.

I am the one who left you to face danger alone.

And all because of something so stupid.

All because of my annoying jealousy.

Because I didn’t want you to hear Henry’s confession.

Because I didn’t want you to know that he, too, had fallen for you.

That you already hold a place in his heart.

Because I have no confidence in myself.

I don’t have the trust needed to believe you would choose me if you had other options.

I don’t have what it takes to compete honorably for you.

All I can see is my own darkness—my obsession, my excessive behavior.

Everything about me makes me doubt you would choose me if there were others.

So I planned to keep everyone away from you—

So no one could confess.

So you would never know there were other choices.

So you wouldn’t even have the chance to think about making a choice.

Because then, I would be your only choice—undoubtedly.

Because then, you would look only at me,

See only my feelings,

And reflect only my image in your eyes.

Only when I sank deeper into my emotions—

Only when my darkness grew past its limit, pushing me toward madness and reckless decisions—

Only then did I realize how far I had gone.