CHAPTER 185: [185] MY QUIET

Ashley turned from the spring’s surface, her reflection fragmenting in the disturbed water. The golden fractures across her skin caught the volcanic light, creating patterns that seemed to shift and breathe. When she spoke, her voice carried a flatness that made Xavier’s chest tighten.

"Regret is a luxury for people who have other choices." She traced one of the golden lines that ran from her temple to her jaw, the gesture almost absent. "This isn’t a wound anymore, Xavier. It’s a weapon. Don’t ever mistake it for a weakness again."

The words hit different than he’d expected. Not bitter or angry, just... factual. Like she was explaining the properties of a new tool rather than discussing her own transformation.

Calypso’s expression shifted, something between concern and curiosity. "Ashley—"

"I died," Ashley continued, cutting her off without malice. "I felt my heart stop. I felt my consciousness scatter into pieces so small they might as well have been dust. Then I felt myself being pulled back together, thread by thread, into something that could survive what I’d become." She flexed her fingers, and Xavier caught the subtle way the golden veins pulsed in response. "The girl who worried about protecting everyone? She’s gone. What’s left is something that can actually do it."

Xavier studied her face, looking for traces of the Ashley he’d known at the academy. The sharp wit was still there, the intelligence that had always made her dangerous in different ways. But something fundamental had changed in the architecture of her personality.

"Show me," he said.

Both women looked at him sharply.

"Show me what you’ve become," Xavier clarified. "Tomorrow we’re heading into territory that makes everything we’ve faced look like training exercises. If you’re our weapon against whatever’s coming, I need to understand how you work now."

Ashley’s lips curved in something that might have been a smile if it had reached her eyes. "The training yard behind the fortress. One hour."

===

The training yard carved into Hearthome’s mountainside buzzed with activity despite the late hour. Guards practiced formations while pages maintained equipment, the volcanic vents providing enough warmth to make outdoor training comfortable even in winter. Xavier arrived to find Ashley already there, wearing simple training clothes that did nothing to hide the intricate golden patterns covering her exposed skin.

She stood in the center of the largest sparring circle, perfectly still. Not the relaxed stillness of someone at rest, but the absolute motionlessness of a predator conserving energy. Her breathing was so controlled Xavier had to watch carefully to see her chest rise and fall.

"Rules?" he asked, stepping into the circle.

"Don’t hold back," Ashley replied. "And don’t expect me to."

Xavier nodded, accessing his Essentia interface. The familiar pink glow began to build around his hands as his Input Buffer prepared to track combat metrics. He’d start simple—test her reflexes, see how she moved in this new form.

He launched forward, enhancing his speed with a Basic Combo technique. The move should have closed the distance between them in a heartbeat, but as he approached Ashley’s position, something strange happened. His Essentia flickered, the pink energy sputtering like a candle in wind. By the time he reached where she’d been standing, his enhancement had failed entirely and she was simply... elsewhere.

Not dodging. Not moving with superhuman speed. Just occupying a different space than his power could reach.

"Interesting," Xavier muttered, circling her new position. He tried again, this time with a more complex combination that should have given him multiple attack angles. The result was the same—his Essentia died within meters of her, leaving him fighting with purely human reflexes against someone who seemed to exist in the gaps between his abilities.

The third attempt taught him the true scope of what she’d become. He activated Counter Strike, a defensive technique that should have automatically triggered when Ashley moved to attack. Instead, he found himself stumbling forward as his enhanced perception cut out mid-motion, leaving him blind to her approach until her palm connected with his chest.

The impact sent him sliding backward across the training ground’s stone surface. Not because of superhuman strength, but because his own momentum had nowhere else to go when his defensive abilities simply... stopped.

"You’re not fighting me," Ashley said, her voice carrying across the distance between them. "You’re fighting the absence of your power. There’s a difference."

Xavier pushed himself to his feet. Every technique he’d learned, every enhancement that had kept him alive since arriving in this world, became useless within her range. It was like trying to fight while wearing a blindfold and having his arms bound.

But more disturbing than the tactical disadvantage was the silence in his head.

Since the encounter with the Bonemarch Knight, Xavier had grown accustomed to the King’s Gaze offering constant analysis and commentary. Cold, alien observations about optimal strategies and enemy weaknesses. The presence had become so familiar he’d almost forgotten what his own thoughts sounded like without that overlay.

Now, standing within Ashley’s influence, the cosmic entity’s voice cut to static, then faded to nothing at all. For the first time in what felt like forever, his mind belonged entirely to him.

The liberation was terrifying.

"What does it feel like?" he asked, not moving closer. His Essentia crackled uselessly at the edge of her five-meter radius, pink energy that couldn’t bridge the gap to reach her.

Ashley tilted her head, considering the question. The golden fractures across her face caught the light from the volcanic vents, creating patterns that seemed almost alive.

"Quiet," she said.

The single word carried weight that pressed against Xavier’s chest. Not the quiet of peace or rest, but the quiet of a void where something vital had been carved away. The quiet of spaces between heartbeats, between thoughts, between the moments when existence became bearable.

"The Guardian Covenant used to fill my head with noise," Ashley continued, her voice barely above a whisper. "Every person I could protect, every threat I needed to watch for, every possible way someone might get hurt. It never stopped. Not when I slept, not when I ate, not when I tried to have normal conversations." She pressed her palm against the largest fracture, the one that ran from her collarbone to just below her heart. "Now there’s just... nothing. No compulsion to throw myself in front of danger. No overwhelming need to absorb everyone else’s pain. Just the ability to choose when and how to fight."

Xavier studied her face, looking for traces of the girl who’d worried herself sick over every classmate’s wellbeing. "And you prefer this?"

"I prefer being useful instead of self-destructive." Ashley’s tone remained flat, clinical. "The old me would have died trying to protect everyone in that ballroom. This me saved exactly the people who mattered and eliminated the threat. Which version do you think serves our mission better?"

"You’re right," he admitted. "But that doesn’t mean I have to like what it cost."

"Liking it was never the point." Ashley stepped forward, closing the distance between them until Xavier stood just outside her radius. His Essentia sparked and died at the boundary, creating a visible line where his power met her negation. "The point was becoming something that could protect what matters without destroying myself in the process."

She paused, studying his face. "You understand that better than most. How many times did you rebuild yourself into whatever the situation required? The difference is I only had to die once to get it right."

The words hit harder than any physical blow. Xavier recognized the truth in them, the echo of his own transformation from assassin to something resembling a hero. But his changes had been gradual, conscious choices made over time. Ashley had been shattered and reformed in a single moment of sacrifice.

"The others," Xavier said. "Calypso, Naomi, Margaret. They’re going to struggle with this new version of you."

"They’ll adapt or they won’t." Ashley shrugged, the gesture casual despite the golden veins that pulsed along her shoulders. "I’m not going to pretend to be something I’m not just to make them comfortable. We have seven Primal Gates to close and a cosmic entity trying to use you as a puppet. There’s no room for sentiment."

She turned away, heading toward the training yard’s exit. But she paused at the edge of the sparring circle, looking back over her shoulder.

"The voice goes quiet when you’re near me, doesn’t it?"

Xavier’s blood chilled. He hadn’t mentioned the alien presence to anyone except in the vaguest terms. "How did you—"

"Because mine does too." Ashley’s smile held no warmth, just satisfied understanding. "Whatever marked you in that village, it can’t reach you here. Remember that when you start missing its tactical advice. Sometimes the most dangerous weapon is the one that makes you feel safe."

She walked away, leaving Xavier alone in the training circle.

Xavier flexed his fingers, watching pink energy dance across his knuckles now that he stood outside her influence. The familiar sensation should have been comforting, but Ashley’s words echoed in his mind. How much of his recent tactical thinking had been his own, and how much had been guided by the cosmic parasite attached to his soul?

The King’s Gaze had helped him survive impossible situations, provided analysis that saved lives. But it had also pushed him toward increasingly ruthless solutions, encouraged him to view people as tactical resources rather than individuals worth protecting.

Standing in Ashley’s dead zone, thinking with purely human perspective, Xavier realized how much he’d changed since the village. How much of his personality had been subtly altered by constant alien influence.

The question was whether he could afford to give up that advantage, even knowing the cost.