CHAPTER 186: [186] NOT A PLACEHOLDER

Xavier followed the winding stone paths through Hearthome’s geothermal gardens, steam rising from mineral pools that dotted the terraced landscape. The volcanic vents created pockets of impossible warmth where exotic plants thrived despite the eternal winter beyond the city’s walls. Crystalline formations caught the light from below, casting prismatic patterns across the carefully maintained walkways.

He found Calypso by the largest pool, where water bubbled up from deep within the mountain. She sat on the smooth stone edge, her bare feet dangling in the heated water. The wine-red hair marking her as Lady Selene hung loose around her shoulders. She’d traded her noble’s gown for a simple white dress, one that seemed to glow in the volcanic light.

She looked smaller than he’d ever seen her. Her eyes stared into the water’s depths as if searching for answers in the mineral-rich currents.

"The servants have been looking for you," Xavier said, settling onto the stone beside her. The heat from the pool soaked through his clothes, a welcome contrast to the mountain air.

"Let them look." Calypso trailed her fingers through the water, creating small ripples that caught and scattered the light. "Lady Selene needs her rest before tomorrow’s journey. Very important to maintain appearances."

Xavier studied her profile, noting the tension around her eyes and the way her shoulders curved inward. "You’re not Lady Selene."

"No," she agreed quietly. "But I’m not sure I’m Calypso anymore either."

"Talk to me," he said.

Calypso pulled her feet from the water, drawing her knees to her chest. The position made her look impossibly young, despite the ancient wisdom that occasionally flickered behind her eyes.

"I can feel her," she whispered, her voice barely catching the steam. "The real Selene. Torval severed her memories, but not... not the rest. Echoes." She swallowed hard. "She was just a girl, Xavier. Thirteen. She loved adventure stories and practiced with a sword in secret to make her father proud." Calypso’s voice cracked. "She’s still there. In the void between worlds. Still falling. And she’s... so afraid."

Xavier shifted closer, close enough to feel the warmth radiating from her skin. "That’s not your fault."

"Isn’t it?" Calypso turned to face him, her pink eyes bright with unshed tears. "I’m the one wearing her body. I’m the one who took her place when she should have been learning to control her Essentia, making friends, maybe falling in love for the first time. Instead, she’s alone in an endless darkness while I get to experience everything she’ll never have."

The pain in her voice cut deeper than any physical wound Xavier had endured. He’d seen Calypso face cosmic entities and dimensional catastrophes without flinching, but the guilt of displaced existence was unraveling her in ways no external enemy could manage.

"You didn’t choose this," Xavier reminded her. "None of us did. We were pulled through a gate, caught by Torval’s displacement field."

"But I could have fought it." Calypso wrapped her arms around her knees, making herself even smaller. "I’m a goddess, Xavier. I should have been able to resist, to find another way. Instead, I let myself be placed in her body because it was convenient. Because it meant I could stay close to you and have my little adventure in the mortal world."

Their connection, their growing bond—had it all been built on the suffering of an innocent girl?

"What happens when you figure out how to bring her back?" Calypso’s voice dropped to barely above a whisper. "What happens to me? Do I just... cease? Return to the Liminal Space like none of this ever mattered? Or worse—what if bringing her back means I have to die? Really die, not just change forms or lose power, but stop existing entirely?"

Calypso stayed quiet for a long moment.

"I’ve been alone for so long," she continued, her voice breaking. "Then I met you, and for the first time in centuries, I felt... connected. Important for reasons that had nothing to do with my divine duties." She looked at him directly, tears finally spilling down her cheeks. "What if saving Selene means losing everything that makes me who I am? What if I’m just an error to be corrected? A placeholder to be erased when the real person returns?"

Xavier reached out slowly, giving her time to pull away if she wanted. When she didn’t, he took her hand in both of his. Her skin was warm from the geothermal waters, but he could feel the tremor running through her fingers.

"You’re not a placeholder," he said firmly. "You’re Calypso Valentine, the goddess who got so bored with traditional reincarnation that she turned it into a gacha game. You’re the one who gave me five chances when I deserved none. You’re the one who bound herself to a mortal assassin because you thought it might be interesting."

A small laugh escaped her. "You make it sound so noble when you put it like that."

"I’m not trying to make it sound noble," Xavier said, his voice dropping to a low, intimate register. "I’m just reminding you of the facts. You don’t do ’convenient.’ You do ’interesting.’ There’s a difference."

Calypso’s eyes searched his face, looking for signs of deception or false comfort. Xavier met her gaze steadily, letting her see the truth he’d been carrying since their first meeting in the Liminal Space.

"The Calypso I know doesn’t accept convenient solutions," he continued. "She finds third options that no one else considered. So when we figure out how to save Selene—and we will—you’ll find a way to do it without erasing yourself. Because that’s who you are. Someone who refuses to accept that anyone has to be sacrificed for the greater good."

"You have a lot of faith in someone who’s currently squatting in another body," Calypso said, but some of the tension had left her shoulders.

"I have faith in you." Xavier squeezed her hand gently, feeling the delicate strength beneath her skin—a contradiction that perfectly embodied everything she was.

The tears stopped flowing, though glistening tracks remained on her cheeks, catching the volcanic light. Calypso stared at their joined hands, her thumb tracing small, hesitant circles across his knuckles as if mapping territory she’d never dared explore before.

"I’m scared, Xavier," she admitted, her voice cracking slightly. "For the first time in my existence, I’m genuinely terrified of what might happen next. I don’t know how to be anything other than what I am. And I’m not sure what I am is worth preserving."

"It is. You’re worth preserving. Worth fighting for. Worth..." Xavier felt something shift inside him, like tectonic plates rearranging after centuries of pressure.

Calypso looked up at him. "Worth what?"

Xavier felt the assassin’s instinct—to deflect, to lie, to find the angle—went silent. It wasn’t a wall crumbling; it was a weapon being set down for the first time.

"Worth loving," he said quietly, the words escaping before his self-preservation instincts could lock them away.

Calypso’s free hand rose to touch his cheek, her fingers cool against his skin despite the ambient warmth from the volcanic vents nearby. The golden sparkles that usually trailed her movements intensified, swirling around them like fireflies caught in a gentle breeze. "Xavier..."

"I know it’s complicated," he said quickly, before she could voice whatever objection was forming behind those ancient eyes. "I know you’re divine and I’m mortal, and I know we have impossible odds ahead of us and no guarantee we’ll survive what’s coming. But none of that changes how I feel about you."

"How do you feel about me?" The question was barely a whisper, vulnerable in a way that made Xavier’s chest ache. For once, the goddess of reincarnation—who had witnessed billions of human lives and deaths—looked utterly lost, awaiting his answer as if it were a judgment on her very existence.

He leaned into her touch, covering her hand with his. "You’re the reason I’m still fighting. Every choice I’ve made... it was to become someone worthy of the chance you gave me. It’s like..."

"Like what?"

"Like I love you. Not some idealized version of who you might be. You. Calypso. The goddess who cries during romantic movies and gets excited about school and trusts me enough to show me her fears."

Calypso’s breath caught, her pink eyes bright with new tears. But these weren’t tears of fear or uncertainty—they were something else entirely.

"I love you too," she whispered, the words a surrender. "I have... for so long. I was just... afraid." Her voice trembled. "To say it makes losing you real. Not just possible. It becomes an inevitability. Something that will break me."

Xavier shifted closer, their faces inches apart. The geothermal pool bubbled beside them, mineral-rich water catching the volcanic light, but all of his attention focused on the woman in front of him. Not a goddess, not a borrowed identity, just Calypso—brilliant and chaotic and more precious than any divine power.

"Nothing’s inevitable," he said softly. "We make our own choices, remember? And I choose you. Whatever happens with Selene, whatever we have to face in the northern wastes, whatever cosmic forces try to tear us apart—I choose you."

She closed the distance, her lips meeting his in a kiss that tasted of mineral water and salt. The careful control she’d maintained since arriving in Hearthome finally broke, and Xavier felt the full force of her pressing against the edges of his consciousness—not overwhelming or alien, but warm and familiar and right.

When they finally separated, Calypso rested her forehead against his. The bubbling of the geothermal pool, the hiss of steam from the vents—it all faded to a low hum, secondary to the sound of their shared breath.

"Promise me something," she said.

"Anything."

"When we find a way to save Selene—when, not if—promise me you’ll remember this moment. Remember that the part of me that loves you will remain constant."

Xavier cupped her face in his hands, thumbs brushing away the last traces of tears. "I promise. But only if you promise me something in return."

"What?"

"Promise me you’ll stop thinking like a placeholder. You’re not temporary. You’re the woman I love. That doesn’t change."

"I promise," she said. "Though I reserve the right to panic occasionally."

"I’d be worried if you didn’t." Xavier stood and offered her his hand. "Come on. We should get back before someone sends a search party."

Calypso accepted his help up, but instead of heading toward the garden’s exit, she pulled him closer. Her arms wound around his neck, and she looked up at him with eyes that held centuries of wisdom and the wonder of someone experiencing love for the first time.

"One more minute," she said. "Let me pretend we’re just two people who found each other in an impossible situation, instead of a goddess and an assassin trying to save multiple worlds."

Xavier wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close enough to feel her heartbeat against his chest. Around them, the geothermal gardens hummed with volcanic life, a pocket of warmth and growth in the endless winter. But all of that faded beside the simple reality of Calypso in his arms, solid and real and his.

"We are just two people," he said against her hair. "Everything else is just... details."

She laughed, the sound bright and genuine. "Very important details."

"Maybe. But not more important than this."