CHAPTER 198: [198] CONVENTIONAL RULES DO NOT APPLY

The last embers of the campfire pulsed against the backdrop of pre-dawn darkness. Ashley sat motionless on a fallen log, her back straight, eyes fixed on the dying light. Her golden fractures cast faint illumination across her features, highlighting the sharp angles of her face. The forest around them remained still, as if holding its breath before sunrise.

She sensed him before she heard him—a slight change in the atmosphere, a disturbance in the air. Not Xavier’s footsteps, which were nearly silent, but his presence. The subtle shift in energy that followed him everywhere.

"You’re up early," Ashley said without turning.

Xavier emerged from between the trees, his dark hair disheveled from sleep. "Couldn’t rest. Mind if I join you?"

Ashley gestured to the space beside her, neither welcoming nor refusing. Xavier settled on the log, maintaining a careful distance between them.

For several minutes, they sat in silence. Ashley appreciated that about him—he didn’t feel compelled to fill empty spaces with pointless chatter. The quiet between them felt almost companionable, a stark contrast to the tension that had dominated their group since leaving Hearthome.

A phantom sensation brushed across Ashley’s skin—warmth and contentment that wasn’t her own. Calypso was dreaming. Pleasant dreams, for once. Ashley’s golden fractures pulsed in response, brightening momentarily before fading back to their steady glow.

"What does it feel like?" Xavier asked suddenly, his voice low enough not to carry to the other tents. "The connection, I mean."

Ashley considered the question, her eyes never leaving the fire. "It’s hard to describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it."

"Try me."

She turned to study his face. His blue eyes reflected the firelight, genuine curiosity written across his features. No judgment, no pity—just interest.

"It’s like... existing in two places at once," Ashley began. "I feel everything she feels—physically, emotionally. When she’s happy, I feel happy. When she’s in pain..." She trailed off, letting the implication hang in the air.

"And when she’s with me?" Xavier asked, a hint of discomfort in his voice.

Ashley’s lips twitched—not quite a smile, but something close. "That’s the complicated part, isn’t it?"

"I’m sorry about that. If I’d known—"

"You’d what? Never touch her?" Ashley shook her head. "That’s not realistic. You love her. She loves you."

"And you’re caught in the middle."

Ashley poked at the fire with a stick, sending sparks spiraling into the night air. "The physical sensations aren’t the strangest part. It’s the... emptiness afterward. Feeling everything but knowing none of it is actually mine."

Xavier nodded slowly. "Like watching a movie where you can feel everything happening, but you’re not actually there."

"Something like that," Ashley agreed, surprised by his understanding. "But there’s an upside too."

"To feeling everything Calypso feels when we’re together?" Xavier raised an eyebrow. "That’s generous of you."

"Not that specifically," Ashley clarified, shooting him a look that made him grin. "I meant the quiet."

"The quiet?"

Ashley stared into the fire again, gathering her thoughts. "Before, with my Guardian Covenant, there was constant noise in my head. A pressure to protect everyone around me. Save them. Shield them. Throw myself between them and danger. It was..." She paused. "Exhausting. Like being crushed by responsibility every waking moment."

"And now?"

"Now there’s quiet." Ashley traced one of the golden lines on her forearm with her fingertip. "For the first time since I was twelve, I can hear myself think. I’m not driven by the need to sacrifice myself for everyone else."

Xavier studied her face, noting the subtle changes. The sharp edges remained, but the desperate tension she’d always carried had eased.

"I know what you mean," he said finally. "About the quiet."

Ashley raised an eyebrow. "You do?"

"When I’m near you, the King’s Gaze goes silent." Xavier tapped his temple. "No constant analysis, no tactical suggestions, no alien presence studying everything through my eyes."

Ashley turned toward him fully now, interest piqued. "That happens around me?"

"Ever since Hearthome." Xavier met her gaze. "Whatever you did when you changed—when you broke and reformed—it creates some kind of dead zone for the parasite in my head. When you’re close enough, it can’t reach me."

"How close?"

"About twenty meters, give or take."

Ashley’s gaze unfocused for a moment. The way he stayed near the camp, his casual proximity during watches... it all clicked into place. "So that’s why you’ve been hovering nearby during camp."

"Guilty." Xavier shrugged, unapologetic. "It’s nice not having someone else’s voice in my head, calculating odds and suggesting the most efficient ways to manipulate people."

"You never mentioned this before."

"Neither did you—about the quiet."

They fell silent again, a new understanding forming between them. The fire popped and hissed as a log collapsed into embers.

"We’re each other’s sanctuary," Ashley said eventually, the words quiet in the pre-dawn air. "I silence your parasite, you give me space from Calypso’s emotions when it gets overwhelming."

Xavier nodded. "Not the most conventional relationship."

"No," Ashley agreed, a hint of dry humor in her voice. "Though I suppose nothing about our situation is conventional."

"Fair point." Xavier leaned forward, elbows on his knees, staring into the dying fire. "What are the rules here? For this... whatever it is between us."

"Rules?"

"Boundaries. Expectations." He glanced at her. "I don’t want to make things harder for you than they already are."

Ashley considered the question, appreciating his directness. "I can’t control what you and Calypso do together. I wouldn’t want to even if I could. But..." She hesitated. "Some warning would be nice. So I can prepare myself or move far enough away that the connection weakens."

"That’s reasonable," Xavier agreed. "Anything else?"

"Don’t treat me like I’m made of glass." Ashley’s voice hardened slightly. "I’m not the same person I was before. I don’t need protection or pity."

"Noted." Xavier studied her for a moment. "And in return?"

"I won’t use this connection to interfere between you and Calypso," Ashley said. "Or you and Naomi, for that matter."

Xavier winced slightly at the mention of Naomi. "That situation is..."

"Complicated. I know." Ashley’s expression remained neutral. "I’m not here to judge. We’ve all done things to survive."

Xavier glanced toward the eastern horizon, where the first hint of light had begun to appear. "I need to ask you something else."

"Go ahead."

"What happens if we find Selene? If we actually manage to return her to her body?"

Ashley didn’t answer immediately. The question had been haunting all of them, though no one had voiced it so directly.

"I don’t know," she admitted finally. "Calypso would cease to exist in this form. Which means..."

"Your connection might break," Xavier finished. "Or worse."

"Yes."

"Does that scare you?"

Ashley looked down at her hands, at the golden fractures that marked her skin. "What scares me is that I’m not sure how I feel about it. Before, the answer would have been simple—sacrifice myself to save another. Now..."

"You want to live," Xavier said softly. "There’s nothing wrong with that."

"Isn’t there?" Ashley’s eyes met his, challenging. "We’re wearing borrowed faces, Xavier. Living stolen lives."

"Lives we didn’t ask for," he countered. "We were pulled here against our will."

"That doesn’t make it right."

Xavier sighed, running a hand through his hair. "No, it doesn’t. But it doesn’t make us monsters for wanting to survive, either."

They sat in silence again, each lost in their own thoughts. The golden fractures on Ashley’s skin pulsed with her heartbeat, casting dancing shadows across the forest floor.

"When you’re close," Xavier said suddenly, "I feel... like myself again. The version of me before all this. Before the King’s Gaze, before the gates and the prophecies and the cosmic chess game we’ve been dragged into."

Ashley looked at him, her golden-veined eyes holding a universe of pain. "I don’t remember what that feels like," she said. "To be myself. I’ve been the Guardian for so long, and now I’m... this." She gestured at her fractured body. "Whatever this is."

"Maybe that’s the point," Xavier suggested. "Maybe we get to decide who we are now. Not our abilities, not the entities that marked us, not the bodies we inhabit."

"Is it really that simple?"

"Probably not," Xavier admitted with a small smile. "But it’s a start."

The first rays of sunlight broke through the trees, catching on Ashley’s golden fractures and Xavier’s dark hair. The camp behind them began to stir—soft murmurs from Margaret’s tent, the rustle of movement from where Calypso slept.

"Day three," Xavier said, nodding toward the sunrise. "We should reach the Westlands border by nightfall."

"And then find Nolan," Ashley added. "If he’s still alive."

"The Resonance Compass is still active. He’s out there." Xavier stood, brushing pine needles from his pants. "We should wake the others."

Ashley remained seated, her eyes on the newborn sun. "Xavier."

He paused. "Yes?"

"Thank you. For asking. About what it feels like."

Xavier nodded, understanding the weight behind her words. "That’s what friends do, right?"

"Is that what we are?" Ashley asked, genuine curiosity in her voice. "Friends?"

"I don’t know what else to call two people who silence each other’s demons," Xavier replied. "But ’friends’ seems like a good place to start."