CHAPTER 201: THE HARDY BOYS ARE ON THE CASE

"OK, let’s see what Earth Friend has to say about the contract," I said, trying to get back on topic.

Wagner looked puzzled, "Doesn’t he need time to read through the terms and figure out if it’s a good deal for him or not?"

I shook my head, "No, his AI will direct implant the whole thing into his memory will full comprehension of the entire thing. It’s instantaneous."

Wagner still looked puzzled, "Isn’t his AI just a part of Joe?"

"Yep, but it’ll be honest with him regarding any analysis or data interpretations. Except about math and the real nature of the interdimensional quantum AIs."

"Restore the communication link, Joe," my duplicate ordered.

"Acknowledged, live in three seconds."

Earth Friend’s face reappeared on viewscreens around the wall. "King Timothy, I cannot accept such a low offer." Impassive.

"OK," my double said nonchalantly, "good luck with whatever career you pick next."

Confusion. "What do you mean, I will continue to explore for the Galactic Union."

"Sure. Let’s say they’re not extremely upset about the way you handled Earth, and they let you continue. There are no planets left for you to find and claim, Earth Friend. We have registered them all. Of course, the Galactic Union doesn’t know that, so they will continue sending explorers for some time until we clue them in on what we’ve done. None of them will find a new unregistered planet. They’ll have to exist on their current portfolios, with no new additions. We’re even planning to go after their existing worlds as the protection contracts come due for renewal. So, protection contract commissions will dry up too. I suspect that we’ll have quite a long list of former Galactic Union Explorers and Developers who will be eager to join the Universal Earth Concord team before too long. So, good luck in your future endeavors. I’m going to return you to the Milky Way galaxy now, would you like me to put your ship near a Galactic Union core world?"

Realization, resignation, fear. "How long before you begin adding other explorers and developers?" Earth Friend asked. Opportunity. Impassive.

"Well, that depends on number of factors, including how quickly you can get planets contracted and producing. If you start soon, you’d be the only one and could rack up a number of planets without any competition, except those planets we contract or colonize directly."

Impassive. "How will I control the new interdimensional transport system to direct my travels? Will you provide a list of prospective worlds that I can select from for my contacts?"

"We’ll give you the location and data for each new world according to our prioritized list. As soon as each world’s contract is registered with the UEC Intergalactic Trading and Licensing Commission. We’ll handle the communications of the registration status to the rest of the empires. To make the next jump, just have your AI contact us with the request."

Opportunity, Decisiveness, Eagerness. "I accept the contract. Please send me the data for the first planet that you wish to contract. I will start immediately."

My double smiled, "Excellent, you can start with the one we sent you to. You should be in range for short jumps with your own ship systems. The data we have on the world and it’s inhabitants is being sent to you now, along with the standard contract we intend to offer new worlds. You do not have the option to modify those terms, but if you show them a standard contract from the Galactic Union and tell them of the long-term prospects of recent Galactic Union contracted civilizations, you should have little trouble convincing them. We’re going to start with worlds that have a medium level of technological advancement and a unified global government, so it should be relatively straightforward to deal with them. You’ll note that the contracts have minimum initial product licensing requirements and annual minimums for the first ten years. Products registered early, in excess of the minimums, will count toward future requirements."

Acceptance, appreciation. "This will prevent them from accepting the free protection without providing financial compensation in the form of licensed products and ensure that I am not left without compensation for the negotiations."

"Yes, exactly, Earth Friend. If there are any difficulties with the contracts, or the first planetary negotiations, let us know. We’re going to stockpile licenses for a little while before announcing the products and out new licensing authority to the other galactic empires, so we can have enough of an impact on the overall marketplace to make us a significant economic force, all at once. So, your payments will be somewhat deferred until that happens."

Consideration. "That makes sense from a defensive standpoint, if the potential benefit from dealing with the UEC outweighs the benefits of working against you from the outset, you will face much less opposition. How many worlds or products do you anticipate are needed before you... announce your capabilities and intentions?"

"It’ll depend upon the estimates for the market value of the licensed products, we have a certain market percentage in mind that we prefer not to share at this time. However, if you were to work with the newly contracted worlds to help them identify high value items for their first products, that may help expedite that the introduction. Any financial considerations you would receive for that development work on inhabited planets would be born by the planet, but note our contract forbids you from charging more than a standard developer’s commission for such work. We will not allow agents to take advantage of the planetary governments."

"A wise precaution," Earth Friend agreed. Appreciation.

"Our AI has received your accepted employment contract, Earth Friend. You are officially on the clock."

Confusion.

"On the clock? Is there a countdown timer, the contract did not mention time limits..." Suspicion.

"No, no. It’s an Earth Expression, it just means you are officially on the job... or contractually employed in this case."

"Understood. To use another Earth colloquialism, I’m eager to take your money, boss."

My eyebrows raised, and my double’s expression matched mine. "I’m not quite sure that the expression you were looking for, but I understand. If there are no further questions, you can get started. Let’s just plan to review how things went after this first planet is contracted so we can make sure that everything matches everyone’s expectations. Agreed?"

"Acquiescence, or my AI suggests the phrase ’Sure thing, boss. Is that appropriate?"

My double chuckled, "Yep, that’s perfect usage. Good-bye for now, communications link ending."

The link closed.

I looked at Joe’s android, "’Sure thing, boss?’ Was that supposed to be funny?"

"It was funny," Joe replied with a grin. "And a distinct improvement over the phrase he tried on his own, I might add."

I and my double both shrugged in agreement at the exact same time in the exact same way. That was still a little disconcerting. Judging from the look on Professor Wagner’s face he found it kind of spooky, too.

"Anyway, I think that went pretty well."

"The proof is in the pudding! We’ll have to wait and see what happens," Wagner offered.

My double and I exchanged glances, "What does that even mean?" I asked. "I bet even Sherlock Holmes never found proof of anything in pudding."

My double started giggling, "You’re forgetting The Case of the Cook’s Missing Ring."

That was pretty funny, I started giggling, too. "That sounds more like The Hardy Boys than Sherlock Holmes."

Of course, Joe had to put an end to the fun with actual information, "The reason it sounds funny is because it’s wrong. The real saying is ’the proof of the pudding in the eating’. ’The proof is in the pudding’ is a bastardization of the original phrase and as you note, it doesn’t really mean anything."

I nodded to my double with a smile, "Go ahead, you take this one."

"The Case of the Missing Flavor, another Hardy Boys classic, solved when Frank discovered the missing flavor by eating the pudding, whereupon he delivered that classic line," the perfect copy of me managed to say through a fit of eight-year-old giggling that seemed genuinely odd in a twenty-something-year-old android version of me – even to my own eyes. I was giggling just as hard, so I’m sure I looked just as odd to the other me, which caused us both to laugh even harder.

Joe and Professor Wagner both shook their heads, not quite in perfect synchronization, but... it struck me and myself as funny nevertheless.

"It’s clear that nothing else productive is going to happen here for a while," Joe said with a distinctly unimpressed expression. Then his android just stopped moving or expressing anything as he withdrew his presence from it. Which, it seemed to me, was a pointless act of spite since he was still present in the observation deck, and indeed everywhere, all the time.

"It’s not like you can escape us, Joe. I know you’re still here. You can’t run away that easily!"