Athena was chuckling, eying the mortal man who was slightly taller than her. Unlike her sister, she was entirely covered in armor made of gold and red, but no helmet, which left her dark, long hair untamed yet silky. Her green eyes focused on the man as she felt his eyes trace her martial body in return.

"Ummmm-hmmm… Now that's what I call a warrior woman—Fuck, what I'd do to unwrap this candy."

"..."

Where was the shame? All of them wondered. All except for Marshall and Marty.

"Ehm…" Odin interrupted. "You can speak with them later, Marshall. I suggest you focus on Zeus first. He came here to speak with you. He accuses you of theft."

"Theft of what? His fat ass's lunch?" Marshall asked back, still not looking at the old man. He was entirely focused on the fabulous, large bust of Athena, hidden entirely. He was already fondling them with his eyes. Much to Aphrodite's annoyance, who was supposed to be the eye candy.

"You stole the worshippers!" Zeus roared, and with his voice, crackled thunder. "You stole the worship! The Romans prayed to us, and you stole it! Marcus Aurelius changed the Empire's faith to you—You scheming—"

"Shhhhh… Fuck, I just remembered something." Marshall finally looked back at Zeus. "You reminded me of something."

Zeus proudly raised his chin. "I am famed across many realms—"

"Ugly bastard!" Marshall exclaimed and clapped his hands. "Yeah! The memory is hazy, but I see it now. Fat, lumpy piece of shit as fuck, balding head, pent-up anger, bitchy as fuck. Yeah, you're the ugly bastard that chased after those girls in that movie… or was it a comic? Hmm… It was definitely the ugly bastard, though. You nailed the ugly bastard vibe."

"..."

Odin said nothing. He was the All-Father, all knowing. He already knew it was absolutely impossible to have any type of conversation with Marshall. It was commonly a downside. But Odin saw it as an attack tool. If Marshall's madness could cure Hela, what was Zeus with his impatient being?

"What? What do you mumble about, mortal? Do you understand who you stand before? I am Zeus Panhellenios, supreme monarch of the Olympians, God of the heavens, sky, and weather."

Burp!

"Damn, still digesting that deer I ate with the kitty and Rose," Marshall mumbled, and chipped a tiny piece of Marty's claw and used it as his toothpick. "Mmm, Wait, Zeus, what's gonna be tomorrow's weather in Dinosia? I was planning on a barbecue night with Hela."

"..."

Every response from Marshall left Zeus and his daughters speechless for moments.

"Ah, I'm Marshall S. Grant, by the way. First Man, that's what I'm called. This lad's Marty S. Grant, I raised him, believe it or not. I didn't have any titty milk for him to suck, though… Marty, is that why you're lactose intolerant?"

"Grrrrowr."

"Really? It's the smell you don't like? I feel you, buddy. Not a big fan either, not unless I get to suck it from the source—human source, of course. Fuck, I just imagined sucking on cow titties. Damn you, Marty!"

"Mmmmruf."

"Me? Calling me a horny bastard? Boy, you're the one who tried to fuck buildings in Egypt. While I'm a connoisseur of all things women. God, I love women, best creation ever."

"..."

By then, it became evident to Zeus that Marshall was not a man who could be reasoned with.

"What's wrong with him?" Zeus looked at Odin in confusion.

Odin shrugged from his throne. "That's Marshall for you. He's hard to deal with, but he's a good man… A little similar to you in… sexual appetite. But—"

"Hah! Didn't he defile your daughter and get her pregnant?!" Zeus bellowed, laughing like thunder. "Haha! The mighty Odin, his daughter conquered by a stammering mortal."

"Yes, Hela!" Marshall, as if woken up from his craving eyes over Athena, looked back at Odin. "Where's she? I came to get her."

"She is under the watchful care of Frigga. Remain here tonight, Marshall. You are family now. Asgard will celebrate this night with feast and festival, honoring the prince soon to come."

"Prince?" Marshall frowned.

"Why not? You are the owner of Midgard. That makes your son the Prince of Midgard."

"He is no such thing!" Zeus interrupted. "Earth is not his to claim."

Marshall scoffed at that and folded his arms. "The fuck it is, you fat incestuous animal fucker trash pedo ugly bastard. I was the first man to ever walk the Earth. I lived a hundred million years on that rock, and now it's mine. If you think otherwise, try me."

"..."

Zeus had never been disrespected like that before. Even Odin didn't speak to him like that. Yet, a mortal from Earth did.

"Such repugnant words you spew, mortal. For that offense, you've earned death by a thousand blades. But I won't stain this hall with your blood. Step outside—and I'll end you," Zeus growled, eyes blazing with fury. "You stole those who knelt to me. You will answer for it. Either you die—or I crush that stone you clutch so dearly."

"Your brain is as fat as you are, you twat. If you wanna cry, go find Jesus or something. Most of the humans on Earth follow him now. They turned me into some random angel or something in the books. As for you killing me…" Marshall grinned, so big, so wide, that all his teeth were visible. He rubbed his palm with greed. "Do it—Kill me."

"..."

Not just unreasonable, but also suicidal. Completely insane.

Zeus looked at Odin with concern now. "This man… You called him your family?"

Odin smiled and proudly rubbed his beard. If anything, he was loving the show. Zeus, being shown his place, was an absolute delight to see. "He is the father of the child Hela carries. He's as much a son to me as Thor now."

"You're as mad as him!" Zeus thundered and strode off. "Let the cursed feast begin!"

Yet, despite the disrespect, Odin kept smiling like a happy, excited grandfather. Letting Zeus leave.

Finally, Aphrodite and Athena waved at Marshall and left the hall as well.

Odin looked at Marshall. "Does thunder interest you?"

"Not really. Might come in handy at a barbecue."

"..."

Odin just smiled. He had understood the best way to deal with Marshall's insane responses. All he had to do was see them in a non-threatening way because, truly, Marshall never meant harm towards anyone, no matter the crass words, not unless harm was done to him first.

And Odin… he had no plans to harm his new trophy son-in-law. Although Marshall was even older than him.

"Let us go. I shall bring you to Hela."

"About time."

####

Marshall stormed into the regal bedroom after Odin. He found Hela resting on a bed, looking annoyed, while Frigga sat beside her and waved her hand over Hela's belly, creating some sort of magical light.

"What's going on here?" Marshall questioned. "Keep your hands off my wife! Damn, now I feel like slapping someone."

Heads turned. There were two more people in the room. One tall, blonde man, and a young man with greasy, dark hair and a pretty face.

"Is this the First Man?"

Marshall looked at the blonde man. "And you must be Princess Thor."

"..."

"I am a prince."

"Not with that shampoo-commercial face, sweetheart," Marshall said and pushed Thor away so he could reach the bed. "And you must be Nig… I mean Frigga. What're you doing with my kid?"

Frigga smiled warmly. "I am weaving magic into Hela's womb, so that the child may grow without strife. Motherhood is a gift, but even such beauty can bear danger. Not even we, of Asgard, are spared."

Marshall nodded and looked at Hela. She looked back at him awkwardly. Neither of them planned for this to happen. Heck, Marshall didn't even know he could make babies.

"Let's go back tomorrow," Marshall said.

Hela nodded.

"Why? It's safe for her here. The child should be born in Asgar—"

"So what, I can't keep her safe? Newsflash, she doesn't need me to. She could snap necks in here like breadsticks, minus me and dear ol' dad, of course." Marshall interrupted Frigga. "She ain't got any love for this place either. She's coming with me, that's it."

"He's right," Hela coldly added.

"First Man! Fight me!"

"Zip it." Marshall shushed Thor. "Kids should shut it when elders are speaking. Or you get the belt. Odin, where's the feast and my unlimited ale?"

___________________

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