CHAPTER 201: NOT VERY FEMININE

"...Yar?" I look around the facility for Yar, today is the 23rd of year 0, strangely Yar has been spending less and less time with me. Now that she can perfectly express emotions, she’s stopped our routine.

’...Did I become boring to her? Now that she understands feelings, does she no longer care to have me around?’ This is kinda worrying, I hope she still cares about me and doesn’t think I have no reason to stay here anymore.

I hate to admit it, but I depend on her to "survive" whether it’s water or food, it’s mostly her who takes care of it. I even tried to learn, but the facility’s machines are way too complex.

I didn’t understand anything when I tried to use them and just wasted food and water. Things have changed a lot and are way too complex, at least I’ve developed a small hobby of observing the animals in their cages.

Since I have 4 years of animal biology knowledge, it’s actually interesting to watch them, even though the variety is limited. Plus, I started practicing the power of bad luck with domino pieces.

It’s a dangerous power, so I asked Yar to give me a set of dominoes. I set them up in complex lines, put bad luck on the first one and knock it down to see the changes that occur.

And with that, I managed to break a set of 19 domino pieces with a single move. Whether this will be useful in the future is still questionable, but it’s more manageable.

"Damn..." I mutter as I sit down in a chair, giving up on looking for Yar. I haven’t done anything to relieve the frustration, and Nyzz still hasn’t shown up to chat.

Besides, being absolutely alone might have sparked my lust, like wanting to try new things, but I’d die of embarrassment if Yar saw, so I’ve never done anything.

And there’s still the boredom that doesn’t help. There’s no TV, and I don’t have access to the internet or anything similar. All I have are books I can’t read and animals in cages to observe.

"Haaaa....so boooooring" I say sitting in the chair, looking at the ceiling. At least when Yar is here, we have fun conversations. Without her, it’s kinda empty and bland.

’Where is Yar going? Why does she just disappear like that, it’s so annoying...’ She just vanishes out of nowhere, though she shows up perfectly at mealtimes. The time she spends with me now is very limited.

Also, I never know where she is. The place is so big that if I start walking, I get lost quickly and seem to just go in circles. Plus, in one of the areas, I managed to see a kind of camera that shows the outside.

And all I saw was flying sand the storm out there seems to be extremely violent, showing that, as Yar said, going out is dangerous.

’I guess I’ll start doing Yoga?’ I’m very flexible, and I need something to pass the time. Yar also recommended exercises, so it must be good.

"..." I get up from the chair and start walking, looking for something to help me eliminate the boredom of the moment. If I’m going to do Yoga, I need to establish a routine first, so for now, I have nothing to do.

’Tsk, what’s the point of me trying not to be perverted? If I’m so bored, I could very well play with something...’ And I can’t even practice my powers seriously or I might break something I shouldn’t.

"Any problems, Shizune?" Yar appears behind me, speaking to me as I freeze.

"Ah...please don’t sneak up on me like that...I’m not having problems, just...bored" I tell her, trying not to sound suspicious.

"...I understand. You don’t have to be shy. There are ’Toys’ in the back of the last drawer in your room. I know humans can get unsatisfied if one of their needs isn’t met for a long time," she speaks without any filter.

"T-Toys...you mean...that kind of toy?" I say, moving my hand as she nods, making me blush with embarrassment.

’Is it that obvious? Damn it...this way, I’ll look like a nymphomaniac slut...’

"Thanks for telling me... hey, how about we read a book together?" I invite her to read with me.

"I’m sorry, but I can’t go. It’s really a shame, but I need to do something important," she says as she starts walking past me.

"H-Hey, can I help with anything? Anything at all!" I say to her as she ponders.

"No need, I can do it all by myself. I’m grateful you want to help, but you...can’t help me with this," she rethinks her words before speaking.

"So, basically, I’m useless, is that it?" I say to her.

"That’s not it, but what I’m doing is machine-related, and well...you’re human," she says, excluding me from what she’s going to do.

"...Can I at least make dinner myself?"

"Can you?" She asks, making me feel incompetent.

’Damn it...’ There’s nothing for me to do, so I’m just stagnant, but the feeling of it is bad. I feel invalid, like some bland decoration in the place.

"No...no, I can’t. If I try, everything will come out burned like a few days ago when I tried...but you could at least teach me better," I say seriously.

"Shizune, you just had to press an exact combination of 25 buttons. It’s not a matter of teaching, but of memorizing. It’s all automatic," she speaks as if the fault is 100% mine.

"I bet that if I had the ingredients, a knife, a pot, and a stove, I could do a much better job than that burned thing!" It’s the fault of that clueless machine.

"And why the hell are there 25 buttons? It’s just a meal. If it was going to be automated, why not put one button that does everything?" I had to press 25 buttons out of 100, it’s simply absurd they all had the same color and nothing to show their difference.

"Shizune, it’s like that because the machine changes the settings for the perfect, healthy, and delicious food in the most perfect way possible. Each button takes care of a specific process that is used with different foods."

"Besides, humans haven’t cooked their own food for more than 29,000 years. Everything has been automated since someone decided it was easier for a machine to press pre-memorized buttons after an order."

"Haaa...okay, okay, I can’t help with that, but is there really nothing I can do? I’m bored in here...and you now spend little time with me..." Not having anyone to talk to for most of the time is strange.

Normally, I used to worry about a yandere, but since I’m in this world, my biggest concern has become what can I do to help?

"Well, do girly things then," she says, leaving me stuck without understanding.

"Huh?"

"You know, girly things take care of your hair, take care of your body, learn to apply makeup, among other things. I can even get you a notebook and pencil to start a diary."

"I can also somehow arrange more rustic cooking materials so that you can cook yourself."

"Wait, are you literally telling me to become a housewife?"

"I don’t know what you mean by ’housewife.’ All I said was for you to be more feminine."

That seems like a strange blow to my self-esteem.

"Do you think I’m not feminine?" It kind of makes sense considering my past, but I never thought someone would throw that in my face.

"Honestly? Yes, you’re not very feminine. You speak in a culturally coarse way, you wear your clothes in a sloppy and exposing way, and you don’t take good care of your own image."

"And even worse, you act in a way that makes you seem like a man looking for something to do all the time." When she says that, something seems to break a bit.

"...So, are you saying I should act more like a girl and change who I am? Are you saying my current self is unsatisfactory or something?"

"No, I’m just pointing out facts. If you want to change, it’s your choice, but as a girl, I believe this change would be positive. You need to be more careful with your personal image, you know?"

I clench my fist tightly when she says that. For some reason, it’s kind of painful, and it’s also annoying. She doesn’t know what I’ve been through to assert these things.

"...Okay, so why don’t you teach me to be more feminine?"

I say with irony and sarcasm.

"I’ll teach you," she says, surprising me. Considering she hardly spent time with me anymore, I thought she would just refuse, and the sarcasm was obvious.

"Are you serious?"

"Of course. I believe this would be positive for you. Plus, psychologically speaking, acting this way is extremely positive for you and would bring good benefits to your physical and mental health."

"The body and mind are not enemies, they are intimate allies that need to work together in harmony. Your way of acting is not very good, considering your body and aspects like stress."

"To start, your posture you should correct the way you walk. You walk like some kind of executive from many millennia ago. You should also sit in a more contained way."

"When you sit, your cleavage looks like it’s going to rip your clothes, and your panties are almost always visible. And your way of speaking isn’t good either you force your voice to be more neutral."

"But that’s not your natural voice. It’s as if you’re forcing yourself to be masculine when your body is screaming femininity, you know?"

She points out things I’ve never noticed.

’I...force my voice?’ These are all things I’ve never paid attention to. I thought I had already lost any trace of my past self because of everything that happened.

"So if I...start to change, will you stop disappearing and spend more time with me?" The loneliness I feel when she’s gone is bad, honestly.

"Of course. We can start that later when I’m done with my business today," she says, approaching me and giving me a kiss on the forehead.

"I’ll turn you into the perfect girl, as long as that’s what you want to be." She speaks with a huge smile as she walks away down the hall.

’The perfect girl...do I really seem to act in such a masculine way?’ I can only think about this, standing still and watching her go.