TL/Editor: looloo

    Status: ongoing

    Illustrations: posted in discord

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    The day I was to leave for the training center finally arrived. I barely slept the night before.

    Two nights ago, I spent time with friends, then with family, and played with Sarang as much as possible.

    On the last night, Heena and I lay in bed, holding each other and talking almost until dawn.

    We didn''t discuss anything special, just making plans like where to go after training ends, or where to visit this winter.

    I managed to catch a bit of sleep late, but only for about two hours. Despite the tension and nervousness, I wasn''t as tired as I expected.

    I quietly left the room, careful not to wake Heena, and took a leisurely shower. It felt surreal. The fact that from tomorrow, I wouldn''t be in this house.

    "Take care of yourself. Don''t overdo it."

    "Yes, health is the most important. I wish I could go with you, son."

    "I will, don''t worry. Dad, no need to skip work for this. My brothers all went through it too."

    After showering, I had a brief chat with my father-in-law and my dad. Dad had stopped by early before heading to work.

    Both of them had offered to take a day off to come with me, but I declined. All my brothers had been to the military, so there was no need for the whole family to come.

    Besides, I only had to train for 5 weeks before I could commute.

    Moreover, there wasn''t room in the car for two more people. Six people were already coming to the training center with me.

    Heeseong hyung, who had volunteered as the driver and taken a day off long ago, Heena, Sarang, my mother-in-law, my mom, and me.

    "Oh my... What will Sarang do when our son-in-law leaves?"

    "I packed some ice cream in the cooler, but..."

    "She''ll probably be too busy crying to even notice that. Sis, remember how much Sarang missed Yeonho when he stayed there overnight last time?"

    "We have to try something. We can''t stop my son from going."

    "That''s true, but..."

    Both of them were more worried about Sarang than me. Well, I was worried too. It would be fortunate if she just pouted or cried a little.

    I double-checked the contents of my bag one last time and sat in the living room, trying to calm my nerves.

    There wasn''t much in the bag, really. Just my ID, watch, some toiletries that didn''t overlap with the initial supplies, and most importantly, family photos.

    Most were pictures of Heena and Sarang. I focused on family photos of the three of us. No matter how tough the training got, seeing their faces would help me endure. Probably.

    As I sat listening to the adults talk with one ear, Heena soon came out of the room with Sarang.

    Sarang was still half-asleep, her eyes more than half-closed as she smacked her lips.

    "Oh my... Sarang... Sleepy..."

    "I''ll wash up with Sarang and come out."

    "Okay. We still have plenty of time, so take it easy."

    "...I want to come out quickly and be with you."

    "Alright."

    Heena didn''t look too good. She was fine when we were talking last night, but waking up must have unsettled her again.

    Seeing Sarang and Heena''s faces again in the morning made me feel very conflicted too. The reality that I wouldn''t see my cute daughter or beautiful wife for 5 weeks was starting to hit home more clearly.

    Feeling my fingertips grow cold, I sat stiffly until Heeseong hyung, who had gone out briefly to move the car, returned.

    "Hey, I moved the car out front. How''s your mental state?"

    "So-so."

    "I guess. It''s not your mental state that''s the problem. It''s Heena and Sarang''s."

    "Sigh... I''ll have to call diligently. They said we can call once a week, right?"

    "That varies by regiment. If you''re lucky, you might call more often, but if you''re unlucky, you might only call once or twice during the whole period."

    "How was it for you, hyung?"

    "I called once. Because of some idiot who caused trouble. It was fucking annoying."

    "......"

    I shouldn''t have asked.

    I regretted asking as it only made my heart heavier. Thanks to that, my carefully maintained composure crumbled, and I let out a deep sigh.

    "Sarang."

    "Daddy, you shouldn''t when Mommy''s crying..."

    "Sarang, Daddy has to go somewhere for a bit... Can you be a good girl and listen to Mommy while I''m gone?"

    "Daddy? Where are you going?"

    "Yes. Daddy has to go somewhere and sleep for a few nights."

    "How many nights? Sarang wants to go too! Sarang wants to go with Daddy!"

    Sarang seemed to instinctively sense that this wasn''t like our occasional one-night separations. She immediately turned her body and grabbed my clothes with both hands, starting to throw a tantrum.

    I stroked Sarang''s face and gave her a little kiss on the cheek.

    "Our Sarang is a good girl, right? If you listen to Mommy well and eat your meals well, Daddy will come back quickly."

    "No... Don''t go, Daddy... I wanna go with you!"

    I''m not sure if this is the right way to handle it. Maybe it would have been better to lie completely, pretend I was just going out for a bit and then leave.

    But that seemed a bit cowardly. It would be no different from me running away because I didn''t want to see Sarang cry. If she didn''t know anything and I suddenly disappeared, she''d cry even more pitifully.

    Sarang, who had been raising her voice and throwing a tantrum, finally burst into loud tears.

    She''s only four years old. We didn''t explain the situation properly, and she''s not old enough to understand such things anyway.

    But she seemed to know. That she wouldn''t be able to see me for a long time - long for me and Heena, but feeling much longer for Sarang.

    "Don''t go!! Waaaaaah!!! Mommy!!! Tell Daddy not to go!!!"

    Except for when she was very young, I had never seen Sarang cry this loudly. She had always been with me or other family members, and since Sarang was such a good child, there was rarely a need to scold her harshly.

    Seeing her like this made my heart not just weaken, but feel like it was being torn apart.

    "Daddy promises. Forty nights. Our Sarang is smart, so you know how long forty nights is, right? After forty nights, Daddy will come back to hug you."

    "Daddy!!! Take Sarang with, hic... you... Waaaaaah... Sarang... hic... will be good... listen well... Daddy...

    Don''t go!!!"

    "Our Sarang is always good. Okay? Daddy will be back soon."

    "Don''t, go... Daddy don''t go..!!!"

    "Oh, our Sarang..."

    She clung to my clothes, burying her face in my chest, crying and begging me not to go. I patted Sarang''s back, trying my best to comfort her.

    But there wasn''t much time left. Gradually, the people around us were thinning out, and calls for the remaining trainees to hurry up began to echo.

    I had no choice but to try and hand Sarang over to Heeseong hyung or mother-in-law, but Heena reached out to me from beside.

    Heena''s eyes were bright red from crying, but she was still managing a small smile.

    "Honey. Give Sarang to me. I''ll comfort her."

    "Okay, thanks. I''ll be back soon."

    "Like I said before, don''t get hurt no matter what... Sarang, come here. To Mommy."

    "No!!! Daddy!!! Don''t go!!!"

    Heena forcefully took Sarang, who was screaming as if in agony. Heeseong hyung helped loosen Sarang''s grip, which was clutching my clothes as if she would tear them.

    "Hey, don''t try to stand out unnecessarily. Just do what you need to and come back."

    "Well, that''s my specialty."

    "Waaaaaaah!!!! No!!! Daddy!!!!"

    There was no more time to waste. I gave one last kiss on Sarang''s tear-stained face and a quick kiss on Heena''s lips.

    Despite that our family was watching, I didn''t care at all in this moment.

    And with that brief kiss, I ran down with my bag. I was already quite late and had to hurry.

    "Daddy!!!!! Come back!!!! I wanna go with Daddy!!!!"

    I could still hear Sarang''s heart-rending voice. She was crying much more desperately than I had imagined, which weighed heavily on my heart. It felt like it would crush me.

    But now, all I could do was hope that Heena and the other family members would comfort her well.

    Perhaps because Sarang''s voice could be heard even down here, a person who looked like an instructor didn''t say anything but just nodded at me, signaling to hurry in.

    As I ran inside, there were countless fellow trainees squatting in rows and columns, and...

    "Quickly find your place and sit down!!!"

    An instructor shouting at me.

    And so, my life in the training center began.