CHAPTER 34: – LOVE IS A TWISTED CURSE –

Viviana blinked at the nurse.

"W-what are you talking about?" she asked, pupils shrunk in shock.

The nurse gave a massive smile. "A man came in today. He wore these glasses and was about this height. Quite buff too. I don’t know if you recognize him, but he cleared your mother’s bill. Everything."

"A man...?" Viviana was far too confused. "What, man? I don’t know such a man. Glasses?"

"I couldn’t get his name from the doctor. It was confidential. Oh, that reminds me, he also requested that your mother be transferred to Clinica B. That is if you consent."

"Clinica B...?"

Viviana frowned.

"Isn’t that the Bastiani hospital?" It was far more expensive than the current hospital her mother was admitted to.

Who was this man? ’Why?’

The nurse suddenly grabbed her hands with a polite smile. "Ma’am, I’ve taken care of your mother for more than a year now, and I’m hoping I won’t be trespassing with what I’m about to say."

Viviana lowered her gaze to her touch.

"I think it’ll be good if you let your mother transfer. Mr. Di-grassi sponsors this company, so I don’t really think anyone can stop what happened before from occurring again. At least not me."

"But..." Viviana was conflicted. How could she just accept such help from someone unknown? "Let me see my mother first."

The nurse nodded.

They headed off to her mother’s ward and found her the same as she’d been the day before. Laid on the bed, curled up with a blanket thrown over her.

"Has she said anything?"

The nurse shook her head sadly. "Unfortunately not. She has refused to talk to anyone, and she wouldn’t even eat."

Viviana’s knuckles turned paper white as she clenched and unclenched her hands. "Leave us."

The nurse left as asked.

Viviana blew out a soft breath, closing the door behind her. She moved closer to the bed and lowered herself beside her mother.

"Ma?"

Silence. No response.

"Ma, please look at me. Say something," she pleaded, lips quivering. "I’m losing my mind. I have no clue what I’m doing anymore, and seeing you like this, it hurts. It’s fine if you don’t recall me today, but say something. You talk to me even when you don’t remember who I am. Please."

A heavy silence stretched between them.

Rosalia’s pupils eventually flickered, but towards her, and in an instant, her eyes brimmed with tears that spilled down her face. "It’s all my fault."

"My girl..." She sobbed. "It’s all my fault. You’re suffering, they’re hurting you, and it’s all my fault. I’m unable to protect you, and I should. But I’m a useless mother and it’s just so hard to face you–"

"What?!" Viviana immediately snapped. "No, no, stop saying such nonsense, Ma! Don’t say that. You’re in no way useless. You’re everything to me, all I have. And I could never ask for anyone else if not you. So, please, don’t say things like this."

Her lips trembled uncontrollably as she tried to hold back her sob.

"A-actually, it’s my fault." She tapped at her chest. "I should have been here. I should have protected you. And if I’d come more often, then–"

Rosalia quickly shot up from the bed, arms reaching out as she pulled her into a tight hug. "My girl."

Viviana buried her face in her shoulder, breaking down in quiet sobs. Fingers threaded gently through her hair, the warmth and familiar scent of her mother surrounding her.

"It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault. I’m your mother, yet I am too helpless to do anything for you."

Viviana pulled back to look at her. Her lips stretched into a smile and she cupped her cheek with sparkling eyes. "That doesn’t matter, Ma. You remember me today, and that is more than enough. You hugged me, you caressed my hair, and I couldn’t ask for more."

"Viviana..."

She stared up at her mother.

Rosalia gently tucked her hair behind her ear. "I don’t want you to submit again. Ever."

"What?" Vivian blinked up, confused.

"Don’t ever do it again," Rosalia said. "They’ll only hurt you, and you may never be able to escape this time around. Do you understand what I’m saying?"

"Ma..."

"You know I love you, right? Even on days that I can’t remember you," Rosalia said.

"I know."

"Viviana, I love you a lot, and you’re all I have left. And I know that..." She patted her fisted hand against her chest. "... I know that if I’d chosen a better father for you, things would’ve been different. I knew that... that Amadeo was too good to be true. But I loved him. I loved him. And I..."

She swallowed down her sob, apologizing. "I failed you as a mother. And I’m sorry."

"No," Viviana whimpered, taking her hands in hers. "It’s not your fault. You cannot blame yourself for falling in love. I don’t blame you. Not at all."

"Love is a twisted curse, my darling." Rosalia looked into her eyes. She asked softly, "That man you married, do you love him?"

Viviana frowned.

"Do you love him, Viviana? Does he make you happy?"

"Ma, you don’t understand. It’s nothing like–"

"Don’t lie to me."

Viviana’s frown deepened. "I don’t... love him. It’s nothing like that."

"Then why? Why did you marry..." Rosalia trailed off. Her expression dropped. "What in the world am I even saying? Love gets you nowhere."

"Ma–"

"Forget about love and don’t make the same mistakes I made," she begged. "Men lie. They tell you the things you want to hear and give you the world at first, and the second you give in, it all goes away. Love is just you willing to hurt yourself, and I don’t want you to end up like me."

She sniffled. "All those whiles, even now, the only thing I could and can think of is just how different my life could have been had I never fallen for the charms of your father. He was such a handsome man, he was so nice, so loving to me and he made me feel like I mattered a lot. I got fooled by it all."

"When I was pregnant with you," she continued, wiping at her eyes. "Things began to change. And I thought back then it was temporary. Maybe he was having a hard time. He loved me, and I was sure he’d be back to his old self, he’d stop being so awful to me. But that was never the case. He got worse over the years, and then he brought your stepmother in."

Rosalia chuckled. "I chose to be optimistic regardless. I didn’t want to hate another woman because of my husband. I could swallow that she loved him, and I accepted that he truly loved her, not me. Yet..."

Viviana shook where she sat on the bed, her face a bloody flush with anger she couldn’t swallow. "It’s not fair. It wasn’t fair."

"I know. And I’m not telling you this so that you could hate your father. I’m telling you this so that you’ll understand that when a man tells you they love you, it’s not–"

"Hate him?" Viviana slowly looked at her mother. She burst into laughter, startling her. "Do you think I’ve been blind all these years? I watched him hurt you over and over again!" She shot to her feet, turning to have her back to her. Slipping off her shirt, she said, "This! Look at it! Have you forgotten about it?"

Rosalia’s eyes flickered. She slowly pushed herself up from the bed, reaching out to touch the scars that marked her daughter’s back. "They were my pains, Viviana, not yours. Why did you get yourself hurt because of me?"

"Ma."

"You’re my daughter, and you never should have done that. You never should have had to protect me, it wasn’t your job."

"You’re my mother." Viviana turned and stared at her with heavily wet eyes. "I just wanted to protect you even a little. I had no power then, and this was all I could do. I couldn’t bear hearing you in pain, crying in the bathroom, or sobbing in the middle of the night when you thought no one was watching. I wanted to save you somehow."

Rosalia snatched her into a warm hug. Her fingers threaded her hair as she rubbed her back, her breaths heavy and uneven. "It’s okay, it’s okay. This is all my fault. I should have fought harder for you and protected you the way a mother should. I could have tried harder."

Viviana buried her face in her shoulder, sniffling softly.

Rosalia breathed out deeply. "Does it still hurt?"

"No." Viviana shook her head. "Not anymore."

"That’s good. That’s good." Rosalia pulled back and cupped her cheeks. "Tell me the truth. That man, does he treat you well?"

"Nikolas?"

"Yes."

Viviana swallowed, gaze lowering to the floor.

’You can cry. Go on and do it, for as long as you’d like. I’m here.’ The words echoed in her head, ’I’m right here. Revenge is what you want? I’ll give it to you. How do you want it? Who do you want to break first?"

She gave her mother a faint smile. "He treats me quite well. I think he’s a good man."

Rosalia took another deep breath. She held a complicated expression.

"It’s good, but you can’t trust anyone, Viviana."

"What...?"

"It’s really easy to make you think they care, but then they leave you behind. Remember your past. The only man you’ve ever loved left you when you needed him the most, even though he knew you were helpless. You can’t allow such to happen twice. Love gets you nowhere, my girl. Think about yourself and only yourself. Learn to be selfish, do you understand me?"

Viviana swallowed thickly, forgetting how to breathe for a second. She forced a smile, nodding. "I know."

"And our family, don’t ever go back there, not to them." Rosalia rubbed her hands affectionately. "You’ve broken free from them, but not completely. No matter what your father says, never fall into his hands again. They’ll drag you back into their hell and break you until you can’t get back up. Never submit to anyone, never go back, promise me that. Please."

Viviana clenched her fists. "I promise. I do not plan to ever go back, Ma. I have my own plans, and I am going to... No, I will make sure that you find happiness once more, because I don’t intend to let you rot in here."