CHAPTER 186: BETWEEN US AND THE FUTURE

Nina’s departure for New York felt abrupt, like a door closing mid-conversation. She packed efficiently, her movements quick and focused, but Kofi could see the tension in her shoulders.

"It’s just an interview," she said, folding clothes into her small suitcase. "I’ll be back Sunday night."

"I know."

"And even if it goes well, I don’t have to accept anything. This is just gathering information."

"Right."

Nina stopped packing and looked at him. "You’re being very agreeable. It’s making me nervous."

"I’m being supportive."

"You’re being careful. There’s a difference."

Kofi sat on the edge of the bed, watching her organize her interview outfit. "I’m trying not to be the clingy boyfriend who makes you feel guilty for pursuing opportunities."

"You could never be clingy. Clingy would actually be easier to deal with than this stoic supportiveness."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say that you don’t want me to go. I want you to be honest about how this makes you feel instead of pretending to be noble about it."

"Okay. I don’t want you to go."

"Thank you. Was that so hard?"

"Yes, actually. Because I also do want you to go. I want you to get the fellowship and write important stories and become the journalist you’re meant to be. I want that even if it complicates our relationship."

Nina sat down next to him. "That’s the problem, isn’t it? We both want contradictory things."

"Maybe that’s normal. Maybe everyone in serious relationships deals with competing priorities."

"I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been in a serious relationship before."

"Neither have I."

They sat in silence for a moment, the weight of their inexperience settling between them.

"We should probably call Jake and Ruby for advice," Nina said finally. "They’ve figured out how to balance individual goals with being a couple."

"Jake and Ruby have been planning to attend the same graduate program since they were sophomores. Their goals aligned by accident."

"Lucky them."

Kofi drove Nina to the airport the next morning. The ride was quiet, both of them lost in thought. At the departure gate, their goodbye was awkward - too casual for the magnitude of what was happening, too serious for a simple weekend trip.

"Call me when you land," Kofi said.

"I will. And I’ll tell you everything when I get back."

"Good luck."

"Thanks."

Nina disappeared through security, leaving Kofi to drive home alone with his thoughts.

The apartment felt different without her presence. Not empty exactly, but unbalanced. He tried to focus on schoolwork but found himself checking his phone constantly for updates.

Nina’s first text came three hours later: "Landed safely. Hotel is nice but intimidating. Interview tomorrow at 10am."

Kofi responded with encouragement and went back to his history reading. But concentration remained elusive.

That evening, Jake and Ruby came over for what was supposed to be a casual dinner but turned into an impromptu therapy session.

"Long-distance relationships can work," Ruby said gently. "My parents managed it when my father was in graduate school."

"That was before the internet though," Jake added. "Communication technology has vastly improved relationship maintenance capabilities across geographic distances."

"Thank you, Jake. Very romantic way to put it."

"I’m just saying the practical obstacles are more manageable now than they were historically."

Kofi appreciated their efforts to be helpful, but their optimism felt forced. They were worried too, he could tell.

"The real question," Ruby said carefully, "is whether you’re both committed to making it work regardless of the challenges."

"I am. I think she is too. But commitment doesn’t eliminate all problems."

"No, but it helps you approach problems as things to solve together rather than threats to the relationship."

Jake nodded enthusiastically. "Exactly. Relationship maintenance is primarily about shared problem-solving frameworks and aligned incentive structures."

"He means compromise and communication," Ruby translated.

Saturday passed slowly. Kofi attended kendo practice and tried to project leadership confidence while internally worrying about everything he couldn’t control. The team practiced adaptation drills with mixed success.

"Focus on the opponent in front of you," he told David, who was clearly thinking ahead to his next match. "You can’t effectively fight the person you might face if you’re not present for the person you are facing."

The advice was as much for himself as for his student.

That evening, Nina called from her hotel room.

"How did it go?" Kofi asked.

"Good, I think. Hard to tell. They asked a lot of questions about my background and goals. I told them about the magazine and our work at Northgate."

"That’s perfect. That’s exactly the kind of experience they want to hear about."

"Maybe. The other candidates seem incredibly accomplished though. There was this woman from Columbia who’s already published in major magazines. Another guy has been freelancing for newspapers since he was sixteen."

"You won the regional arts competition and helped expose a criminal conspiracy. I think you’re competitive."

"When you put it like that, it sounds impressive."

"It is impressive."

Nina was quiet for a moment. "I met with some current fellows today. They love the program, but the workload is intense. Basically no time for anything except work."

"Including relationships?"

"Including relationships. One person said she broke up with her boyfriend of three years because the distance and time demands were too much."

Neither of them spoke for a moment. The implication hung between them like a weight.

"But that’s just one person," Nina added quickly. "Everyone’s situation is different."

"Right. Different."

They talked for another hour about lighter topics, but the conversation about relationship casualties stayed in the back of Kofi’s mind.

Sunday morning brought distraction in the form of an unexpected visitor. Thea arrived at the apartment with coffee and pastries, clearly intent on preventing Kofi from spending the day alone with his thoughts.

"Nina texted me," she explained. "She was worried you’d sit around brooding until she got back."

"I don’t brood."

"You absolutely brood. You’re brooding right now."

They spent the morning walking around campus, Thea sketching architectural details while Kofi tried to articulate his concerns about the future.

"The thing is," he said, sitting on a bench while Thea drew the library’s stone facade, "I want her to be successful and happy more than I want our relationship to stay exactly the same. But that doesn’t make the uncertainty easier to handle."

"Maybe the uncertainty is the point," Thea said, adding shadows to her sketch. "Maybe figuring it out together is more important than having a predetermined answer."

"Everyone keeps saying that. Figure it out together. But what if we figure out that we want incompatible things?"

"Then you’ll deal with that when it happens. But right now you’re dealing with a problem that might not even exist."

Thea finished her sketch and showed it to him. She’d captured the library’s solid, permanent appearance but also included students walking in and out, representing the constant flow of change within stability.

"That’s very symbolic," Kofi said.

"I wasn’t trying to be symbolic. I was just drawing what I saw."

"Maybe that’s the same thing."

Nina’s flight was delayed, so she didn’t arrive until late Sunday night. Kofi picked her up at the airport, and they drove home in comfortable silence, both too tired for serious conversation.

"Tomorrow," Nina said as they got ready for bed. "We’ll talk about everything tomorrow."

But Monday brought its own demands. Classes, work, responsibilities that couldn’t be postponed for relationship discussions. They managed brief check-ins between obligations, but the substantial conversation kept getting delayed.

It wasn’t until Tuesday evening that they finally had time to sit down together without distractions.

"So," Kofi said, settling onto the couch next to her. "Tell me everything."

Nina pulled her legs up under her and faced him. "The program is everything I thought it would be. Challenging, prestigious, connected to every major newsroom in the country. If I do well, I could be working for the Times or the Post within five years."

"That’s incredible."

"It is. And they offered me the fellowship."

Kofi felt his heart do something complicated in his chest. Pride and excitement mixed with disappointment and fear.

"Congratulations," he said, and meant it.

"I haven’t accepted yet."

"Why not?"

"Because I want to talk to you first. Because this affects both of us, not just me."

"Nina, you have to take it. This is your dream opportunity."

"Is it though? Or is it just an impressive-sounding version of what I think I should want?"

"What do you mean?"