CHAPTER 92: THE CHURCH OF LIN FAN (AND WHY NO ONE JOINED)

Lin Fan, still seething from earlier events, sat under a withered tree beside his chicken. The moonlight cast shadows across his face as he clenched his fists dramatically.

"H? Hei Long... he has a cult of beautiful, devoted women... I have a chicken that ate a spirit worm and now farts Qi mist..."

The chicken belched.

Lin Fan leapt to his feet, eyes ablaze.

"If Hei Long can make a cult, then so can I! I’m the protagonist! I was born for this!"

Cue intense, totally unwarranted motivational music in his mind.

Step 1: A Name

He pulled out a stick and wrote into the dirt:

THE HEAVENLY GLORIOUS SECT OF THE TRUE PROTAGONIST, SAINT LIN FAN.

The chicken pecked the name until it only said:

"Saint Lin"

"...Good enough."

Step 2: Recruitment

Lin Fan grabbed an old scroll he found behind a trash bin and scribbled on it with charcoal:

"JOIN THE TRUE HEAVENLY SECT OF THE REAL MAIN CHARACTER!"

Below it, he added:

"Free dinner. Possibly enlightenment. Definitely not a scam."

He posted it up near the busiest street corner... right next to one of Hei Long’s cult posters, which had a glowing, animated sigil and a big-busted Sister Flame winking under the words:

"Come bathe in the radiance of the H!"

Lin Fan’s poster fell off the wall.

"...I’ll stand here and promote it myself."

Step 3: Public Promotion (Total Disaster)

Lin Fan stood on a rock, holding up a wooden sign.

"You there! Maiden with potential! Do you wish to be led into glory by me?!"

The woman didn’t even stop walking. In fact, she walked faster.

Another woman scoffed, "Weren’t you the one who got slapped by your own beast yesterday?"

A little boy walked by and asked, "Are you a cult or a clown?"

The chicken clucked once.

Lin Fan’s eye twitched.

Step 4: Bribery

He pulled out what few spirit stones he had and yelled:

"Free dinner! I’ll pay for everyone who signs up to follow me!"

A crowd appeared.

He smiled.

Only for the entire group to eat, take his spirit stones, and immediately leave... without saying a word.

Lin Fan’s eyes were hollow.

"...Not a single follower."

Meanwhile: Hei Long on a Rooftop Nearby

Watching Lin Fan’s tragic descent into madness with a cup of wine in hand, Hei Long sighed.

"It’s like watching a squirrel try to court a dragon."

Sheng Moxian lay beside him, cackling.

"He even tried to name it something righteous! Should we send one of the cult girls to ’accidentally’ recruit his chicken?"

Hei Long: "...Do it."

Final Nail in the Coffin

Just as Lin Fan sulked and turned to leave, one final person walked up.

A hooded woman.

She stared at him.

"Are you... H?"

Lin Fan lit up. "No! But I’m just as strong! Even stronger, maybe!"

"...Oh." She turned around and walked away.

Lin Fan crumpled to his knees.

Even the chicken was now following a group of Hei Long’s girls.

Back at Hei Long’s Cult Headquarters

Sister Flame #4: "This chicken has strong yin roots. It must be gifted."

Hei Long: "...That’s Lin Fan’s chicken."

Everyone laughed.

Even the chicken.

Lin Fan sat on a crate, face buried in his hands, still reeling from the "cult failure" incident. His robes were stained with chicken poop, humiliation, and spiritual depression. The chicken had officially joined Hei Long’s side and hadn’t looked back.

Then—A familiar groan echoed in his skull.

"Oh for heaven’s sake... again?"

Lin Fan flinched. His eyes widened.

"Old man...?"

The voice in his head sighed like a parent dealing with a child who broke the TV for the third time in a week.

"I’ve been quiet. I’ve been patient. I thought you were cultivating. Instead—what do I find when I return? That you tried to form a cult and your own beast defected to the enemy?"

Lin Fan: "T-Traitorous bird!"

"You named it Chickenator. What did you expect? Respect?"

Lin Fan appeared inside his mind, standing on a stone platform before the soul of the ancient expert residing in him—a regal, wise, powerful figure floating in midair.

The old man rubbed his temples.

"Do you remember our sacred agreement? You would stop chasing skirts, stop humiliating our legacy, and focus on becoming powerful?"

Lin Fan bowed his head. "I was going to..."

"WAS?! You got swallowed by a fish."

Lin Fan: "I got a technique from that!"

"It’s a basic underwater breathing technique! It’s used by five-year-olds in the eastern sects to wash their dishes in riverbeds!"

Lin Fan’s soul visibly deflated.

"Your rivals are breaking realms. Your peers are bonding with beasts and building harems—"

Lin Fan: "I want a harem..."

"YOU CAN’T EVEN GET A HUG!"

The mental realm shook from the roar.

"Your main enemy has a personal cult of beautiful, fanatical murder-women who’d kill a city for his approval! What do you have?!"

Lin Fan mumbled, "...a coupon for noodles..."

The old man groaned so hard, his astral form got a migraine.

The old man’s eyes snapped open, glowing with ethereal fire.

"Listen well, boy. No more distractions. No more chasing random women who wouldn’t give you the time of day if you tattooed it across your forehead. I am binding your desires."

Lin Fan blinked. "Wait—what does that mean?"

A glowing seal suddenly appeared across Lin Fan’s lower dantian area.

"Any time you get... too excited... it will redirect your Qi to your feet and make you sprint 100 laps around whatever area you’re in."

Lin Fan: "YOU MONSTER!!"

Back in the Real World – A Few Minutes Later

Lin Fan returned to his senses, sweating.

A cute disciple walked by. She glanced his way and smiled.

Suddenly—

BOOM— Lin Fan’s legs activated like lightning, and he began sprinting in circles around the street.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

People watched in confusion as a streak of blue and white robes zipped past over and over again like a broken spirit formation.

"Don’t make me celibate, old man!""I said FOCUS."