Training was hard. The hardest I’ve ever worked for all my life, actually. It wasn’t physical like any PE classes, nor was it mental like exams. Well, it was sort of mental, considering it was me jumping into the minds and souls of others.

It was like what I did to Bartholomew, Zmey, and Reginald. Each time we tried something new about it, and each time it felt like a strain on my mind. Unlike with the Smorodina, where I was overwhelmed by the masses of souls and became nothing more than a centerpiece to maintain balance, I was supposed to be the one in control, to maintain complete superiority at all times.

That was the hard part, that would always be the hard part. A single person’s willpower is strong, especially when I’m also a single person. I was fighting against their whole existence for control, especially when they wanted to reject me, which was most of the souls we trained against.

When I first did it against the man who sold his daughter, I felt like I wanted to throw up. It was… Horrible. I jumped into his mind and immediately brought myself into the memory of when he sold his own daughter to outsiders.

I landed directly in his squalid little home, where the floor was worn away, where there were holes in the roof and cracks in the windows. His daughter, covered in red marks and burns, was currently trying her best to play a flute. I looked at the table she was sitting beside, and there I saw wood shavings and a knife. She must have carved it out herself.

“I told you to stop paying that damned thing!” Yelled out a man from a doorway. He grabbed his shoe and threw it at the girl, who ducked instinctively and hid her flute.

“You make too much noise at is…” He grumbled to himself before heading over to the cabinets, opening them up as he found the last few scraps of hard tack and smoked beef. It won’t last through this gods forsaken winter at this rate.

He stared at his child, and I could literally see what was going through his mind; the words appeared right beside him.

‘A burden, the only reminder of her. But she wasn’t here anymore. She’s the reason why she died in the first place.’

A bubbling pit of anger came over him as he then stared out the window. I followed his gaze and found that he was looking towards what appeared to be a grand cathedral, architecture that I instantly realized was of Balthalem.

He gripped the wooden counter under the window, sighing in pain before he turned to his daughter, grabbing her by the wrist as she didn’t even resist, she didn’t even squirm, she only looked down, saying nothing.

“Good, you’ll finally be useful for once. I’ll do what your mother wants, giving you a better life.” He then dragged her out of the house and onto the snow in cobbled streets.

Not many were around as they were mostly indoors, trying to wait out the winter night. However, I noticed many who were outside only seemed to be wearing robes. They stood around the frozen lakes or by the darkened forest, waiting and watching, but never acting.

I walked towards them first, but their forms were hazy. That made sense, of course, the father probably didn’t take a good look at them, so he couldn’t remember what they looked like.

Knock

I turned around to find the father banging on the door of the cathedral. He held his daughter’s wrist in such a vice grip that it looked like he was going to snap her hand off.

The door opened, revealing a young blonde woman in white and gold robes. “What possessed you to come here this evening? Do you require shelter?”

“Not a shelter, but an exchange. Your order takes in monsters, right?”

A look of disgust fell upon the woman’s face as if she realized what was going on. “Aeborne, not monsters. But, you would be correct, those around here who were born with Innate Magick. We take them in for-“

“Yeah, yeah, save your preaching for another day. How much do you take in for her?” He then shoved his daughter in front of the woman, who was starting to look rather annoyed.

“Do you mean our trades? That’s only for the elders of your village to decide-“

“I just want some food! Look-“

The father grabbed the clothes of his daughter, ripping them apart as he exposed her naked body to the elements, pushing her out into the snow.

Instinctively, the woman in the white and gold robes punched the father right in the face, knocking him to the snow as she rushed out to the girl. However, her eyes narrowed as she noticed that the child wasn’t shivering, and she didn’t even seem to show signs of any discomfort in the horrible cold.

She grabbed the child’s fingers, studying them as she noticed that there weren't even any signs of gangrene or frostbite that could have developed before. Instead, her skin seemed to be quite warm.

At this, she sneered, carefully lifting up the naked girl, hiding her body from the world before glaring at the father. “Fine, we shall offer you what we do to your elders.” She rolled her eyes and walked inside the cathedral, muttering. “How uncivilized…”

Soon after, as the man rubbed his jaw, getting up from the cold snow, he saw a few hooded figures drop off two crates right beside his body. They didn’t say anything more before closing the doors to the cathedral, disappearing inside of it.

The father pounced on the crates, opening them up to find some frozen meats with some fresh produce in them.

“Hahaa! Finally! You bastard outlanders are finally good for something.” He carried both of those boxes back into his him, a wide grin on his face and a hearty chuckle under his breath.

“What are you looking here for?”

His voice came behind me as I turned and found him staring with half of his chest caved in and his face mangled up as if he had fallen on the floor.

“I was trying to see your memories? Found this out… Was it worth it?”

“Was what worth it?” He spat back out curtly:

“Giving up your daughter-“

“She wasn’t my daughter. She was a curse sent by the gods because of those damned outlanders. I was just giving her over to the ones that caused this in the first place.”

I frowned at that, bawling my fist in anger and confusion. “What kind of excuse was that? What do you mean she was a curse sent by the gods? Why would they do such a thing?”

Well, I heard stories of the gods; everyone has. They could be cruel, vindictive, petty… Mischievous and annoying, but why? There was at least always a reason.

“I don’t know, but when they started to come here, when they stayed, and we allowed them to live, more and more monsters came after us. The earth beneath us refused to bear fruit, and the winters became harsher. Maybe it’s because they began to remove our ways of worship and focused on their own great powers. But I don’t care, they began to abandon and curse us all.”

I remembered when I talked with Bartholomew. His memories showcased a great massacre that came their way, when even Destined Ones suddenly grew feral and attacked those close to them.

“And for that you abandoned your own child-“

“She was not a child, she was a monster! You saw it too! She was unnatural, some kind of fire spirit. Whatever it was, I’m not going to take care of it. It killed my wife, and the only thing she was good for was giving me enough time to live.”

“Yeah… And look where that got you. So I ask you again… Was it worth it?”

I stared at him directly in his eyes. There was no blinking, no winking, or even a side eye. And yet( all he could say was:

“Yes. It was worth it, those few days…”

The scenery changed to him sitting alone by the table, eating bread as if he were a hungry wolf.

“They were worth it. The peace and quiet were worth it.”

“And you would do it again?”

“If it brings me peace every single time.”

I sighed for a moment, rubbing my head as I groaned before disconnecting myself from his mind, coming back into reality as I sighed.

“Did you learn anything?” Veles asked as he patted the man on his knees. He was completely still, and I wanted to smack him.

“… Just that some people absolutely suck, but I already knew that. I just wish there was a way to change them.”

“I mean…” Veles mused a bit. “There is.”

“Alrighty then, what is it?”

“You could always mess with their minds, try to change their memories. Essentially in a way, rewriting them partially or even entirely.”

Was that good? Was that even right? Was that ethical? Especially to someone like the guy right in front of me. I don’t even know his Name, don’t really care to learn it but was it okay to just strip him of one of his most pivotal moments?“

That felt off to me, but I did need to train my powers… Gah, but it was still wrong.

I racked my head a bit before just standing up. “I’ll put a pin in that for later, let’s just move on.”

Veles grinned as if he were expecting that and simply walked ahead to the Smorodina River, gesturing over to the swirling souls. They called out to me, whispering every so slightly as they moaned in ever-repeating agony as the raindrops splattered against my body.

‘Save Us.’

I stepped forward, but before I could plunge myself, Vekes carefully pulled me back. “Now we don’t want a repeat of the last time, remember?”

“O-Oh yeah… I remember.” I gave out an awkward laugh before concentrating myself and delving into the many souls of the Smorodina.

***

It was an Abyss. Each time I jumped in, I watched a new story. Whether it be a traveler who died on Galfania’s shores, or another tragedy from the Thousand Night War. Time and time again, I saw something sad, tragic, or abominable.

I’ve seen mothers sacrifice themselves so that their children may grow up and live a happy life. Then I jump into their children’s lives and see how they ended up killing themselves, since it was too painful to continue.

But I also saw hopeful ones. Simple ones, where the most trouble one had was not knowing where their next meal would come from or if the Winter would let up or not… Well, those weren’t simple, but they were better than another widespread tragedy, and I was in need of simple down to earth troubles.

It was kind of like a box of chocolates. I never really knew what I was going to get. Each soul, each spirit, I went in and studied them, and I found some familiarity with them. I talked to them. They had their own story to tell and their own perspective on the world.

Sometimes I was disgusted, sometimes I was intrigued. Sometimes I laughed, and sometimes I felt myself crying. It was all such a blur, but I knew that it wasn’t all I could and should do.

I had a mission to uphold, a burden to carry. It was to help pull them all out of the Smorodina, out of the darkness. I had to do more than just see their stories. I had to bring them back up to the surface.

So I focused on myself, recalling and finding each person, each memory. It was like trapping water in the ocean with your hands and pulling it up to the surface; they all slipped out, appearing for one moment and disappearing in another. I tried my best to pull them up, applying all my willpower, but then…