230 (II)

Bread [I]

Shiv's right eye twitched. Dealing with the Fair Folk was beginning to feel a little bit like handling the eldritch. Both were very annoying in specific, bullshit ways. "So, how do I make myself matter? How do I get this guy to fuck off back to where he came from?"

Culliwier spent a moment in thought. "The easiest way is if you manage to strike an accord with the Knighted Bread."

"An accord," Shiv nearly sputtered. "You want me to go negotiate some kind of diplomatic settlement with a piece of bread?"

"That would be the simplest solution, yes." Cullywier offered him a smile, but it seemed unnatural and forced.

Psycho-Cartography: If you expect me to be able to pick up psychological weaknesses and social mistakes from pieces of awakened dairy products, you are overestimating my Tier and also using the wrong skill. Perhaps Master-Tier Schizophrenia will let you know what hides at the heart of living bread.

"Deathless, are you well?" Cullywier asked. "You've been silent for a few moments."

"Yeah, I'm just trying to process the fact that I'm going to have to argue with a piece of bread to save the lives of the customers here. What the hells is my life?"

"I will say this much: being favored is a perfect antidote against boredom," Adam muttered.

"So, if negotiations fail," Shiv began, ignoring Adam's piece of wisdom, "what other choices do I got? I know that my darkness can't kill this Anointed One specifically, but can it weaken him enough that I can stick him in a cage?"

"That is a potential option," Cullywier said. "You claim the chefs here captured the Faebread? If so, they might have a container made from cold iron somewhere. You might not be able to hurt the Knighted Bread reliably, but you could still overpower them."

"And if you can seal the cage shut in the meantime, I could keep them contained," Shiv finished.

And then there was a final thing that occurred to Shiv. He summoned his Last Morsel, and it snapped to one of his Vitae strands.

Cook the Uncookable, Shiv thought to himself. Alright, well, if everything goes south, then we're going to find out if you can boil something unkillable to death.

The thought appealed to Shiv, but there was a growing feeling of unease in the back of his mind as well. He knew his Last Morsel was supposedly indestructible, but that didn't mean that it couldn't be consumed by bread. The last thing he wanted was his Legendary frying pan contaminated and ruined by fae magic.

"Okay, Culliwier, so either we negotiate a deal with this High Bread guy, try to overpower him and shove him back in the cage, or…"

"Incurring Harlock the Midnight's notice and having the Ascendant cast this place into a prison plane of shadows. After that, it's most likely that the Ascendancy will finish striking a bargain with the Fairwoods, making up for whatever has been taken from the Court of Summer. This wouldn't be the first time such a thing has occurred, anyhow. The powers that be on your world send a great many caravans through the Chernobyl Nexus Point to the Fairwoods and other worlds."

That option left him feeling uncomfortable. True, he could call upon Cripple or Veronica to take over for this situation, but that would make him vulnerable. And frankly, he wanted to see this done himself, if only to discover how he could overcome the fairies.

"Would that be all, Deathless?" Cullywier asked. "The Dragon Brokers are summoning me, and though my time is primarily signed over to you, they do get quite upset when I am not prompt."

"For now, Cullywier," Shiv said. "But I might need you in a little bit. Hells, I might need you really soon, depending on how things go."

The fairy pressed his lips together and cocked his head. "When you speak to one of the Faebread, listen carefully. Think about the meaning behind their words. They can't lie to you outright; it is not within our nature. But there is something that they can do: obfuscate. They can blind you with twisted meanings and missing information. Be mindful, and have a plan of escape."

"Got it," Shiv replied. "Adam, Helix, you guys are leaving now too. Head back to the coliseum. Adam, keep an eye on this place using your Awareness. If everything goes to hell, well, I don't know, tell Irons or something. Then have him bring the Prismatic Guard down on this place."

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

"I think it's best for me to stay," Adam said. "Helix can inform Irons when he returns later. For now, I think it's best that I accompany you. Your worries are correct. I've noticed some crumbs spilling out from each of the vents in all the rooms. They're building up slowly, especially in the customers right now. If I have to guess, we don't have long before a mass casualty event follows. And there will be more things that might be missed if I am not with you."

"Shit," Shiv grunted. And once again, the pressure was on. "Alright, but if anything goes wrong, you get ready to get out of here. And you stay close to me in the darkness. If one of those bread pieces touches you, it's gonna spread through you."

"Well then, I think it's best that I remain untouched," Adam said. He emerged from Shiv's cape along with the orc. Shiv used that opportunity to borrow some vitality from Helix for the sake of an easy resurrection. After that, Adam fired a Veilpiercer across into the coliseum, and the orc retreated temporarily.

"Make sure you don't die, Insul, and don't get turned into a piece of fairy bread," the orc said with a sneer. "I swear, the things you get involved with are just…"

"Yeah, well, this is my life now," Shiv said. "I can't walk across the street without killing some bastard or fighting some freak thing no one's seen before. If you're going to complain now, you pledged yourself to the wrong guy."

"This isn't me complaining," Helix said, rolling his eyes. He floated across the dimensional pathway and turned around halfway through. "This is me simply telling you to watch yourself."

As Helix crossed over, Shiv and Adam looked at each other.

"If he wasn't an orc," Adam said, "I'd have said he's actively worried about you."

"He is actively worried about me," Shiv grunted. "He's worried that he won't have anyone to show off his cool Biomancy to if I'm gone."

"There are always the other orcs," Adam suggested.

"Yeah, if he wants to get bullied."

"I heard that!" Helix shouted. "No one bullies me. It's just that they can't appreciate my knowledge and my mastery of the finest magical lore in all Integration." And with that, Helix huffed loudly and accelerated, disappearing from view.

"I think we hurt his feelings," Adam said with a faint chuckle.

Shiv snorted. "Yeah. He'll probably take that out on my homunculus."

"Your what?"

"He made a messed-up clone of me for Biomancy lessons."

"...You know what, the fact we're fighting living pieces of Awakened bread isn't that unusual."

The dimensional pathway began to shrink, and Adam turned away, his azure eyes glowed, that sparkle of dawn burning at the bottom of his irises. He was using his Awareness skill, turning it upon the kitchen itself.

"Well, then, we have quite the welcoming party waiting for us. Most of the kitchen is utterly caked in dough and mold, and there are Gingerbread-Knights hiding inside the dough. Gods, Shiv. We're going to be walking right into a death trap there."

The Deathless left a temporal echo in place so he could retreat across time if things went wrong in a second. He paired his mind with Adam's, and he took in what awaited them. The kitchen had been entirely consumed by yeast, mold, and bread. Adam's Seer of Horizons jumped in deeper, and Shiv realized that the bread had a specific aesthetic to it. It looked like the interior of a castle. The chandeliers that swayed above and cast a bright golden glow upon the Bread were made from hardened pretzels.

Legions of Gingerbread-Knights were formed, and they rode upon baguettes as if they were steeds. There were unusual growths fused into the mold and breads as well. Growths that struggled and screamed. Shiv realized that was probably the remainder of the kitchen staff. Why they had been left alive, Shiv didn't know, but he suspected it wasn't out of mercy.

And there, at the very center of the hall, stood a tall, glowing figure, one that Shiv had briefly glimpsed earlier. There were faces lodged in the Knight's torso. Screaming faces that resembled humans, goblins, elves, and even an automaton. The large figure had four arms, and it seemed to be encased in—or made of—a crust of deep-brown armor. The color was rich, and it ebbed with gleaming might.

Shiv never found a piece of burned bread intimidating, but something about this one made him more than a little wary.

"Adam," Shiv said, his mouth opening and closing a few times. "Does that look like toast to you?"

"Yes," Adam replied after a full second. "Yes, it does."

Then, both Shiv's and Adam's breaths hitched as, impossibly, the towering, toast-armored figure angled the vertical slits of its visor at them, staring straight toward the anchor point of Adam's Seer of Horizons.

"Ah, I see. Someone peeks upon an Anointed Knight of the summer court. Is that you, undying thing? Are you still here? You have not fled? Then you are braver than most of your kind. If you seek to save the other patternists, then come into this place, which I have reshaped from a dungeon of torment into a hall of power. Come and make your offering. Bargain for their lives. Make right what you have taken. You do not have long. Soon, I will strike a blow against your people for Summer. The balance must be maintained, or a toll must be reaped. There is no other way. Bread has been taken, and in turn, we demand blood and flesh. Come with a bounty, or you will not leave with your lives…"

A few seconds passed. Shiv lowered his head. "Well, I guess we should go talk to this Toast Armor guy."

"Stupid as this all feels, I shudder to imagine what he might want from us." Adam grimaced. "He's already killed three chefs in retribution. What could the Summer Court possibly want? And what do we have to give?"

"I don't know, Adam," Shiv muttered. A building weight of uncertainty was growing inside him. He clenched his Last Morsel tight. "I don't know. Just be ready for shit to go sideways."

"That's pretty much how everything turns out for us now," Adam sighed. "Well. Let's see this crisis resolved."