CHAPTER 94: BOYS’ DAY OUT

The sound of enchanted wheels hummed beneath them as Lord Varuzil’s gilded carriage rolled gracefully along the road, cutting through golden meadows and winding hills that gave way to sharper terrain the closer they got to the borderlands. The velvet-lined interior shimmered with sunlight filtering through the enchanted glass windows.

And inside, the mood is practically festive.

Vuvi stretches her arms wide and lets out a dramatic sigh of relief. "I love this. I love all of this."

She lounges with her boots kicked up, goblet in hand, absolutely glowing with satisfaction. "This... is what I signed up for," she chirped, swirling her wine. "No more forest witches. No more soul-hunting baronesses. Just one straight road to Nettlehusk and then onward to the dwarven kingdom."

Veena clinks her own goblet against Vuvi’s. "And we’re doing it in style."

Sera, lounging beside them with her feet propped up, smirks. "Only took, what, twenty-three detours to get here?"

Vuvi laughs. "If you count the witches, yes. Twenty-four if you include the giant talking mushroom cult."

"No," Veena mutters, "we agreed not to talk about the mushroom cult."

On the opposite bench, Penelo and Lula sat on either side of Pip, huddled over the glowing pages of the ancient book Ka’Lula had received. Pip’s eyes flickered between glyphs as his head slowly tilted in confusion, emitting low, thoughtful beeps. Penelo was furiously sketching possible translations. Lula, meanwhile, tapped her chin with a quill, occasionally scribbling something down that made absolutely no sense.

"I think this one means ’divine origin,’" Penelo said, pointing to a vine-like swirl.

Lula squinted. "That’s the same one you said meant mushroom yesterday."

"It can be both," Penelo argued.

"Is there such a thing as a divine mushroom?" Lula asked.

Pip gave a helpful beep. Lula gasped. "You have tasted one, haven’t you?! Are there divine mushrooms where you’re from?"

Across from them, Sera whips out a scroll and begins looking over town maps, trade route scrolls, and old parchment listings of inns and adventuring guilds in the Nettlehusk region.

Veena stretched and rolled her shoulders. "Alright, Vuvi, let’s hear it. What’s the plan for Nettlehusk?"

Vuvi swirls her wine, then takes a satisfied sip. "Simple. We stay for a week. Rent a good-sized house... something with thick walls and a deep bath. We set up the pleasure service to earn some coin, make a few connections. We should do well in a trade town. While that’s running, we’ll prep for the real journey."

Veena nods. "Dwarven kingdom?"

"Two weeks by foot," Vuvi says. "Through winding trade roads and cold mountain passes. We’ll need warm clothes, climbing gear, maybe a local guide. Oh... and I want to stop by the Alchemy Guildhouse. See if I can order some upgrade parts for Pip. Maybe a new thermal regulator. His last one almost melted after the Seedmother and those nobles."

Sera snorts into her goblet. "He’s been glowing since that encounter."

"Emotionally and literally," Veena adds with a smirk.

"The plan sounds perfect," Sera said with a crooked grin. "I’ll help you prep. Make sure the route’s safe."

Veena nodded. "I want to see if I can dig up any recent trade records. And if we’re lucky, maybe find a map that isn’t two decades out of date."

"What about Pip?" Penelo asked from across the carriage, glancing up from the book. "He’ll need regular maintenance if we’re going to be doing another long trek."

"Oh, we’ve got that covered, right?" Lula answered quickly. "You and I will stay behind and make sure he’s... properly tuned up."

"I’ll assist!" Zora’s voice called from outside. His skull popped upside down through the carriage window. "For scientific reasons, of course."

"Of course," Vuvi muttered, taking another sip.

Zora drifted in on a lazy cloud of magic and perched on the edge of a seat. "Besides, Pip is really glowing lately. I want to monitor how divine synergy affects a construct long-term."

"And bask in his holy golden aura?" Veena teased.

Zora nodded solemnly. "Yes... and bask."

Vuvi smirked. "Alright, fine. You three run the pleasure house while we’re getting things prepped. But try to keep it somewhat professional."

Penelo, Lula, and Zora all nodded in unison. Which somehow made it feel less professional.

Veena leans over to Vuvi. "You sure you trust them to run things without us watching?"

"Sera will keep ’em in line. And Pip safe." Vuvi says brightly.

By late afternoon, the golden peaks of Nettlehusk come into view. Tall, jagged rooftops made of ironwood shingles, bustling market streets lined with ores and spices, and massive banners flapping above wide gates. Steam rises from the forges. Vendors call out deals. A bard plays a bawdy tune atop a barrel.

The noble’s carriage pulls up to a large stone inn near the city’s center. Plush and clearly meant for elite travelers, it has balconies, flowerbeds, and a fountain with a statue of a naked dwarf flexing.

As the group steps out, a doorman bows and welcomes them inside.

Vuvi and Veena look around the grand lobby, then exchange a nod.

"Alright," Vuvi says. "Let’s go find our next headquarters."

Veena straightens her vest. "Private bath, enclosed garden, spellproof walls."

"Add wardrobe space," Vuvi says, handing out pouches of coin. "And get some of that drow wine, if it’s available."

She turns to the others. "Sera... you’re on babysitting duty. Keep an eye on Zora and the trouble trio. Take them shopping. Maybe a bathhouse. You have gold. Keep the chaos to a minimum."

Sera grabs a coin pouch with a grin. "What could possibly go wrong?"

Vuvi glares at her. "That was not an invitation."

Veena tosses her hair and heads for the door. Vuvi follows, both of them striding off into the afternoon crowd like two very fashionable generals preparing for battle.

Back in the inn lobby, Sera turns slowly toward the others. Zora still floating in through the window, Pip sitting primly on a bench while Lula and Penelo paw at his glowing joints.

She grins.

"So... what do you all want to do today?"

Penelo jumps. "Tea shops! Enchanted teas that make your hair shimmer!"

"Petting zoo!" Lula cries. "There’s a flyer outside. They have feathered deer."

"Skirt store!" Penelo adds. "I need something Pip can actually peel off me."

Lula gasps. "Ooooh! That’s such a good idea. Maybe some lingerie?"

"And bedroom supplies!" Penelo says.

"FLAVOURED LUBE!" They both yell in unison before descending into rapid-fire pleasure planning.

Zora raises a single glowing hand. "If I may offer a suggestion... something a bit more masculine... something that speaks to the warrior’s soul. Something Pip might enjoy."

They pause.

Zora smirks. "Let us take Pip... to the arena."

A beat of silence.

Then Pip’s entire body tenses. His eyes flash with electric blue. He springs to his feet, pointing both hands at Zora, nodding rapidly. A delighted, echoing beep

bursts from his chest cavity like a fanfare.

Sera laughs. "That’s a yes if I’ve ever heard one."

"I knew it," Zora says smugly. "Every man... no matter how divine, metal, or heavily-oiled... loves watching things punch each other."

Lula pouts. "But what about the lube...?"

"We can still go lube shopping after the arena," Sera says with a giggle. "But Pip deserves some manly bonding time."

Penelo grins. "Fine. But only if there’s snacks."

Zora conjures a tray of floating caramel mushrooms. "I brought my own, m’lady"

"Alright then," Sera says, grabbing her sword and tossing it over her shoulder. "To the arena. Let’s show Pip a real performance."

-----------------

Later that afternoon, the Arena of Nettlehusk roars with energy. It’s a massive coliseum built of carved red stone, packed with cheering spectators, musicians, enchanted flame pits, and flying snack carts.

Pip sits in the center of a private booth with Lula and Penelo on either side, Zora hovering above them like a ghostly VIP, Sera sprawled across a plush bench behind them, chewing meat off a stick the size of her head.

Below, in the bloodstained ring, two muscle-bound orc women crash into each other with fists the size of boulders. Sand flies. Lightning arcs. Someone yells about honor. Butts bounce and breasts flail.

The crowd goes wild.

Pip is absolutely enthralled.

He claps. He whistles. His vines twist in excited spirals and sprays rainbowed mists cloud the air around the booth as he mimics the fighters’ punches, shadowboxing with Penelo.

"She’s got him in a headlock!" Sera yells.

"SHE FLIPPED OUT OF IT!" Penelo squeals.

"By the Forge!" Lula gasps. "I think that lady just caught a fireball with her abs!"

Zora furiously scribbles notes about orc fighting styles and the emotional symbolism of throwing sand in one’s enemy’s face.

Pip throws both arms in the air, victorious, as one of the orcs performs a dramatic suplex that ends with a shockwave and a geyser of dirt.

The crowd erupts in cheers.

He turns to the team, eyes gleaming with joy.

"Beep-beep!"

They all cheer with him, raising drinks and snacks and tossing petals in the air.

And in that moment, under the burning sun and the roar of an arena crowd, one thing is abundantly clear.

For all his divine power and mysterious soul, Pip is still just a guy who loves a good show.